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Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,154
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
Alright, I get it. It's summer. The TdF is on Versus. You have a bike. Great.

What this means:

So you get the trusty steed dusted off and think that this is the perfect time to start commuting...or just go for a ride. Awesome. I'm with ya.

You've carefully picked out the absolute best cycling clothing from 1995 and are proud that you can still put it on...kinda. Yay. You look like the Michelin Man...but you're on a bike. Okay.

What this does not mean:

This does not mean that your spandex-clad ass has to treat every stop light/sign as a f*cking sprint-off-the-line-elbow-throwing-extravaganza that will end with you huffing and puffing 20 feet later, badly enough that you can't even hold a f*cking straight line.

It also does not mean that you need to instantly grab everyone's wheel that passes you. When someone passes and you think to yourself, "Hey...I need to get on that." LOOK FIRST YOU DOUCHENUGGET!!! There might be others that don't want to get sideswiped by your profusely sweating exterior...

Finally, it does not mean that you can take up the entire trail with your 5 riding buddies because you want to feel that you're in a peloton. It doesn't work like that. Never has. Never will.

That is all.
 

ire

Turbo Monkey
Aug 6, 2007
6,199
4
:rofl:

You need to go faster, that way they can't grab your wheel!
 

Wumpus

makes avatars better
Dec 25, 2003
8,164
154
Six Shooter Junction
It also does not mean that you need to instantly grab everyone's wheel that passes you. When someone passes and you think to yourself, "Hey...I need to get on that." LOOK FIRST YOU DOUCHENUGGET!!! There might be others that don't want to get sideswiped by your profusely sweating exterior...

I just blow snot rockets. That tends to keep people off your wheel. :weee:
 

cneums

Monkey
Jul 9, 2009
118
0
Maryland, USA
I just blow snot rockets. That tends to keep people off your wheel. :weee:
na man, that's dangerous, that happened to someone i knew, and then they got revenge on him 6 months later by waiting in ambush and sneezing right on them as they walked by. it was hilarious.
 

X3pilot

Texans fan - LOL
Aug 13, 2007
5,861
1
SoMD
Eh, the Tour is over in 3 days, they'll go back to their cars and Dunkin' on the way to work. I live between the Trexlertown Pa Velodrome and the home of Bicycling magazine so we always have a lot of bikes on the roads but even I've noticed a sharp increase the past 2 weeks. Everybody wants to be Lance.
 

eaterofdog

ass grabber
Sep 8, 2006
6,947
144
Central Florida
Wonder how many of these lycra pork chops go to the hospital with a heart attack after sitting completely idle for a year and then go out and blast on a bike.