[MudGrrl]

First off, I'm not playin' pimp here.......

A very good friend of mine is trying to tell me that any woman who rides better than him isn't going to ever want to date him (she won't respect him...society's rule is that men are supposed to be bigger, faster, stronger....).

I thought that his statement was very interesting, especially regarding the fact that a lot of women riders have it in their head when they are beginning that no guy wants to 'wait up' for them.

He is a very talented rider, with a generally open mind.

What are your views on his statement?

 

[dhjill]

Hmmm...this is interesting and I'm sure we'll see responses that run the gamut.

First of all, in my opinion I think this is an issue that lies within certain men's heads and not neccessarily what society dictates. When I ride DH or XC with my BF, I usually smoke him but he's totally fine with it and actually thinks it's pretty cool. I don't have any less respect for him. I would have far LESS respect if he let it get to him and refused to ride with me.

Funny story related to this topic. Years ago, I started dating this guy who said he was really into mountain biking. We dated several times before we actually went for a ride and things were going really well and we seemed to be hitting it off. Then one day, he suggested we go for a ride. He crashed about a bazillion times trying to keep up with me during the course of our ride...and I was just kind of cruising to be polite. Anyhow, I never heard from him again.

 

[MudGrrl]

Anyhow, I never heard from him again.

That is definitely his loss.

edit:
He (my very talented, very open minded friend) says that it's not his problem, he views it as their (chicks who can ride) problem.



come out, come out, you lurker.......... neaky:

 

[Megan Black]

What are your views on his statement?

I personally agree with your friend. (sorry buddy!) But for me it's true. I don't really see myself dating anyone who's ass I could kick on a bike. And if I'm not mistaken, genetically, men ARE stronger and bigger and that's honestly why I like them!

Sure a girl can be faster and go bigger but for me, I don't want to be the one going faster and bigger in the relationship. Yes, it seems petty but I need to feel a sense of femininity and being ballsier and more aggressive just seems to turn it around.

The perfect solution to this problem, don't date a downhiller!

 

[MudGrrl]

Yes, it seems petty but I need to feel a sense of femininity and being ballsier and more aggressive just seems to turn it around.

Thank You for your honesty.

so you can't retain your femininity if you're taking bigger drops than a guy?


I think that this is very ironic considering that you are practically the heroine of the forum due to the skirt pics (c'mon, you didn't think I would forget that). Talk about ballsy and femininity rolled into one, you had everyone in awe because of an unassuming 'stunt'.

Is going 'big' threatening feminism (being 'ladies')?

Do we hand over our tits so we can ride a bike?

Do we have to shy away from stunts so that the guys can succeed and we can stand next to them with a big ol grin on our faces, chirping "That's MY man!"?

And what if we do 'beat' them? Does that take away their masculinity?

 

[Megan Black]

Do we hand over our tits so we can ride a bike?

ahahahaha!!

"scuse me, could you hold my tits for me...i'm gonna go rock this drop.."

sorry, that just put a funny image in my head

okay, so i agree. it is ironic about me and the skirt riding, etc. honestly, i'm trying to figure out this whole thing out still. and your question about going big threatening femininity is an interesting one. being aggressive is not really considered a feminine thing, i guess. and i for one would love to see that change in the world: workplace, biking world. but i'm kinda old fashioned when it comes to relationships and i'm not sure i want that to transfer into that as well.

but even as i say that i wonder how biking w/ a boyfriend means i'm being aggressive w/ the relationship. maybe it's just that when i bike, i FEEL aggressive and i don't want to feel that way when i'm with a boyfriend. it's cool if i go out and rip around then come home and shower and go on a date with home-boy and then it's all about him getting the door for me, etc.

so, i personally wouldn't shy away from a stunt JUST because a boyfriend is doing it, but i also would have no qualms watching him with a big grin and saying, "that's MY man!" what's wrong w/ that? and for those girls who would shy away, what's wrong w/ that too? maybe they are not into biking as much as others.

 

[TreeSaw]

ahahahaha!!

"scuse me, could you hold my tits for me...i'm gonna go rock this drop.."

ROTHFLMFAO!!! So I totally almost blew wine out my nose!

I don't know....my husband totally schools me everytime we go out and ride, but he's really supportive and is totally amazed when I try something new and (yes it does happen sometimes) succeed.

For instance, funny little story from our last ride", we were riding at our normal trails after a big windstorm last friday afternoon and a tree had fallen across the trail. It was up off the gound about a foot with smaller branches a few inches up off the ground on either side, but it looked like you could hop up on it and ride off the other side using the smaller branches. He was on the other side when I got there (of course he hopped right over it, 'cause he can) and as I am approaching it he say "ride it" (I am sure he didn't think that I would) and I decided to! Well, I (thought I) had to dab my foot when I was up on it and got mad at myself because I did so I decided to go back and do it again...no dabs this time. I ripped up on it (a little faster than before) and hopped up on it and rode right off it. Well, he didn't seem as surprised as I thought he would be, but he had this totally proud grin on his face when he gave me a high five in front of the rest of the guys we ride with (whose jaws were on the ground) and most of them had walked over it. It was totally AWESOME!!! He talked about it the whole drive home and out to Rochester that night.

I know that I will never be better than him, but I don't believe it would matter to either of us either way. That's just the way we are....I pretty much got into riding because of him and hated it at first. Now, more often than not, I am the one with the gear all packed and getting us out on the trails! He is very supportive and loves it when I do something well. It's quite a compliment to ride with him and have him notice the smooth line I take through a technical section or have him compliment me on a difficult section tha I do well. I look forward to it and know that he would support me even if I was better than him. I guess we (as a couple) don't fall into societies typical gender stereotypes and I am REALLY glad that we don't. I ride with a couple of guys that I am better than and I don't really think that they are less masculine because I can ride a technical section clean and they can't. I just believe that I work harder because I am perfectionist and that's who I am.

Random, yes I know...but that's me

 

[MudGrrl]

My friend is thoroughly convinced that if he goes riding with a girl, and she dusts him, she is in no way going to want to have a relationship with him (because girls are allowed to look 'down upon' guys that they beat).

I am trying to convince him that as long as everyone is out riding......it's all good. Kind of the same thing that guys do when we (young, fragile, things) start riding.


**************

I think that we should turn "scuse me, could you hold my tits for me...i'm gonna go rock this drop.." into a T-shirt................ Megan, you're a gem.



TreeSaw, isn't it the *best* thing when someone thinks you can do something, and you don't even think about it (if you were riding alone, you would have probably thought about it....more than you should have), you just do it????? That's great!

I also like your point about being a perfectionist...... it's *not* a gender thing. You either can or you can't, and if you can't, you work at being able to do things.

I really appreciate your responses to my questions.....

 

[Carbon Fetish]

A friend of mine dumped her slower ex-boyfriend and now she is dating a proracer. But there is always exceptions to the “rule.” Just look at Stikman and Booty. I don't mind getting beat because I can fix bikes well and kill bugs

 

[MudGrrl]

"A friend of mine dumped her slower ex-boyfriend and now she is dating a proracer."


she didn't dump her ex partly because he was slower, did she? :nuts:


If a guy dumped his girlfriend, based solely on the fact that she wasn't a good rider, how would we view him?

If anybody dumped their S.O., mostly because of riding skills, I would love to hear their views.

 

[llkoolkeg]

Excuse me for intruding, but I think anyone who measures their SO according to their skill on a bike is as shallow as the deep end in Winter- male or female.

When I rode up in B.C., MOST of the girls I met could have beaten my sorry ass down the mountain on a tricycle. That doesn't mean I can't make them "feel like a woman" the 94% of the time we're together and not on a bicycle. The same can be said of choosing a partner based solely on their skills in the sack; the best bangers I ever dated were frankly not "marriage material" and were boring out of the element they seemed to have been created solely for. Think about it- even with the best lover you've ever known, you're only shakin' the bed on average what, an hour per day? What the hell do you do with that person the other 23?

 

[Carbon Fetish]

she didn't dump her ex partly because he was slower, did she? :nuts

The guy she was dating was a jerk. He would complain about a lot of things and he was pretty much tactless.

 

[MudGrrl]

Excuse me for intruding, but I think anyone who measures their SO according to their skill on a bike is as shallow as the deep end in Winter- male or female.

Thank You !!!

and no, you are not intruding, ilkoolkeg.

regarding CarbonFetish's post......well, yeah, I would dump a guy who was an a$$hole too, it wouldn't matter if I rode faster, stronger, more gracefully...etc.

 

[TreeSaw]

TreeSaw, isn't it the *best* thing when someone thinks you can do something, and you don't even think about it (if you were riding alone, you would have probably thought about it....more than you should have), you just do it????? That's great!

I also like your point about being a perfectionist...... it's *not* a gender thing. You either can or you can't, and if you can't, you work at being able to do things.

I really appreciate your responses to my questions.....

Absolutely the best thing! I just hope he never stops 'cause it's so much fun to see the look on his face when I do it without thinking (which was my problem...see something, think about it, think some more and then fear it). Now I tend to just do things because I see them as similar to something I ride elsewhere.

Being a perfectionist definately isn't gender related. It's one of my gray areas...I believe it's my greatest fault but it also helps me to work harder and strive to be better in some aspects of my life (riding, being the main one).

I would totally not love my husband any less if I suddenly dusted him and I know that he would feel the same about me...actually, he would probably tell me it's about time or something like that and then go out and celebrate with beers In fact, I think pretty much all of the guys that I ride with on a regular basis would do just about the same...even after some heavy teasing :devil:

 

[Velocity Girl]

I used to be able to smoke my ex on certain things. I was the bigger risk taker and would either be the first to try drops, etc (or be the only one!). He could still pedal faster than me (most days) but I went from being the newb to being better at the tech stuff than him!

It didn't really bother me one way or the other, it was how he reacted to it that bothered me. If I was having a killer "on" day, he would get pissy sometimes. And because I was better technically he had a tendency to hold me back .....he'd make me question my skills and abilties waaaaay to much when they were obstacles within my grasp. He was also not as supportive as he could have been when I raced. Anyone who knows me well enough knows I'm my harshest critic. Well after I bite it during a race I don't really need to be hearing "You really need to stop crashing during your race runs"....duh, ya think!!! (Funny how those few misplaced words stick with you for so long...I bet he wouldn't even remember saying them to me, but I sure as heck do!)

What made things difficult is that he did all of this under the premise of being so supportive, but it was all the little comments here and there that underminded things and showed how he truly felt....biggest example, not thinking it's important enough to tell me when he would change the setup of my bike, I would instead start riding and relized something was different and then find out about it!!! :mumble:

(Wow...sorry for the long answer/rant....can you tell there are some lingering issues there...lol!!)

But despite all his crap I was lucky that the guys I ride with would let me tag along with them on the harder stuff and help me/encourage me to face some of the obstacles (ironically enough, I'm now married to one of them....go figure ) Freak is definitely the better rider of the two of us, but I like that he can ride better than me beceause he can teach me so much. Other than that, wouldn't matter to me one way of the other how well he could ride, just as long as we're having fun doing it!

 

[Velocity Girl]

After reading my post Freak decided that I left out one very important thing from it so I'm posting it here now....

Freak is the bestest, bestest, bestest, bestest husband in the world!!!!

 

[Freak]

After reading my post Freak decided that I left out one very important thing from it so I'm posting it here now....

Freak is the bestest, bestest, bestest, bestest husband in the world!!!!

MY WIFE IS SUCH A DORK!!!! BUT THAT'S WHY I LOVE HER!!!! :love:

 

[DH Diva]

HHHHHHMMMMMMM. I'm going to have to go with:

YOU'RE BOTH DORKS!!!

 

[MudGrrl]

.......yeah, but they're cute.

 

[Freak]

HHHHHHMMMMMMM. I'm going to have to go with:

YOU'RE BOTH DORKS!!!

But you love us anyway!!!! :dancing:

 

[Repack]

My gf (Special K) can KILL ME on ANY xc or road ride. All I have to cling to is that for the momment, I am still faster than she is on a DH bike. But some of our female friends (Grizgal) can hit bigger drops than me, and I think that is rad.

 

[Special K]

I really think Repack and I complement each other -- He is much faster than me on a DH bike, but then again I am a bit faster on the XC and road bike (and hopefully cyclocross soon) -- We learn from each other in biking...

 

[Jr_Bullit]

I don't think it's a matter of who's better on a bike - but if the guy is wimpy on a bike, AAND wimpy in the rest of his life, and the woman ends up dominating the entire relationship (not just rockin the drops while he holds her tits for her), then ya, I would find that extremely unattractive and unload the guy quickly.

If the guy is strong, secure, supportive, and fun, the who cares who does what on a bike? in a car? in a skirt? or whatever

Of course, me on a bike guarantees the only men I get to beat down a hill are 2 and still using training wheels (oh wait, I think I got skooled by a munchkin not too long ago )

 

[binary visions]

I poke my nose in this forum once every couple months, just found this thread interesting.. Hope nobody minds that I'm not technically a "Mud Hunny"

I think your friend, MudGrrl, is probably right - I'm sure there are girls who would look down on him, and not date him, if they were faster. However, many of those same girls would, I'm sure, look down on him if they were more attractive, or made more money, or any of the other million inequal things in any relationship.

On the other hand, would your friend really want to be dating someone shallow enough to dump him because she excels in one place where he does not?

As llkoolkeg said, you spend 10% of your time doing X activity - and once that's done, you go home and spend the other 90% NOT doing that activity. No relationship will ever be so purely equal that both partners are perfectly in harmony all the time - why would you give up the happiness in the 90% for perfection in the other 10%?

Me, I'm psyched for whatever my girlfriend is interested in. If she decides to take up racing, by God I'll be standing by the course screaming "PEDAL PEDAL PEDAL" all the way, and give her a hearty congratulations at the end. To do otherwise is selfish - it shouldn't matter if she finishes in half my time, or double it.

 

[geargrrl]

so what happens if you start out not being very good, and then you get a lot better, and eventually get better than your spouse/bf/partner. What happens them, do they dump you or give you a high five? ;-)

geargrrl

 

[biggins]

so what happens if you start out not being very good, and then you get a lot better, and eventually get better than your spouse/bf/partner. What happens them, do they dump you or give you a high five? ;-)

geargrrl

i had a girlfriend once ( i kow hard to beleive) that i introduced to riding and i towed her all over the place. She began to get better at riding but not quite to the level i was(am) at. I didnt care either way because it was the time spent in the woods together, experiencing something that is very close to my heart and introducing that to her. Seeing the smile on her face when she piled it up and then get up and keep going was awesome. So what if she gets to the point where she is killing 20 foot drops, hitting 25 foot doubles, and smoking cigarettes all the way up 5 miles climbs. If thats where she takes it then that is awesome.

I liken it to guys that are put off by women that make more oney then them or whatever. For me i dont care how hard ya ride what car ya drive or how much money ya make. If the feelings are there then it should be all good. Not dating someone or breaking up with someone because of those reasons has got to be one of the shallowest things i have ever heard in my life. I would never speak to her again which is bold coming fro ma guy that is still friends with almost every girlfriend he has ever had.

 

[MudGrrl]

so what happens if you start out not being very good, and then you get a lot better, and eventually get better than your spouse/bf/partner. What happens them, do they dump you or give you a high five? ;-)

geargrrl

I truly don't care whether my SO is better/worse/none of the above....

He's my SO. And I love him.

I am dmn happy to be riding with somebody.

Sht, I am just dmn happy to be riding!

 

[CMT2B]

so what happens if you start out not being very good, and then you get a lot better, and eventually get better than your spouse/bf/partner. What happens them, do they dump you or give you a high five? ;-)

geargrrl

High fives all around! I dream of the day my girl blows by me on a hill or other...

 

[Zman]

sounds like we have as many guys chiming in as women....and here comes another. i am in the same boat as every other guy in this convo. if she is riding i am stoked, if she can outride me, awesome. if she outclimbs me (not hard at all), or out descends me (just a hair harder) cool. i will cheer her on any chance i get, and at least be there to fix her bike when she breaks it (that part i know i can do). and if she can out wrench me too, so be it. if she can;t handle that then that is her problem, and as everyone else has said, pretty shallow of her as well and if that is the case then i am not interested. i have a good friend that can out climb me any day of the week, and i have a huge crush on her partly cause of the fact that she charges. she has hit 4 foot drops/rollers on her xc hardtail just cause she thought it was on the xc course she was racing the next day. so she went for it, and wrecked..hard. but came down with a huge smile on her face. that was awesome. i would MAYBE have hit it on my dh bike (entrance and exit were weird) but anyway. i will gladly hold their tits while they show they have bigger balls then me, and give them a big old high five, hug, kiss, whatever the occasion deserves if she out charges me. now to find that girl throwing x-ups, tabletops, and whooping and hollering as she passed me down a-line this summer.......