[jacksonpt]

My wife and I had a little spat last night. IMO, we were both at fault, but both had legitimate points. Anyways... I want to appologize, but I also want to explain why I got upset. So how do I appologize without it comming off like, "I'm sorry I got upset, but it's your fault because..."?

 

[lovebunny]

was it really that important that you need to tell her shes wrong? thats a baaad baaad thing to do

 

[johnbryanpeters]

Focus on what you felt like when you were upset, not why you were upset.

 

[biggins]

well just tell her why you got upset promptly followed by an apology. make sure to start it out with the "i have had our fight on my mind all day..........." as long as you dont put blame on her it should work out fine. Also by apologizing you are partially admitting to fault so she should see it from both ways. Just make sure not to let her interrupt. i tried to apologize to a girl one time and i started it with "i got mad because............" and was gonna go into the apology till she kept interrupting me and saying i was blaming her for everything and blah blah blah so instead of apologizing i dumped her.

 

[mack]

so instead of apologizing i dumped her.

wish i could dump my mother. such a bitch.

guess ill have to wait till im 18 (sigh)

 

[reflux]

wish i could dump my mother. such a bitch.

This could very well be the most uncool thing you've ever said. Hopefully I'm just not getting the e-sarcasm, it's been a long day.

 

[Ciaran]

was it really that important that you need to tell her shes wrong? thats a baaad baaad thing to do

Excellent advice. You're the man... you're always wrong.

Your best bet.. flowers, dinner, and a humble apology.

 

[geargrrl]

any time you put the word "but..." after an apology it totally negates the whole thing.

gg

 

[douglas]

1.The female makes the rules.

2.The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior
notification.

3.No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules
are not permitted.

4.If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,
she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5.The female is never wrong.

6.If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding
which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,
or did not say.

7.If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having
been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female
as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.

8.The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason
at all.

9.The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances
without the express written consent of the female which is given only in
cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no
indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.

10.The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or
imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole
judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of
the root cause of the female's being angry or pset. The female may,
however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying
attention. See rule 13.

11.The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to
be angry or upset.

12.Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or
indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.

13.The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times.
Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the
sole discretion of the female.

14.The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past
incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify,
enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to
the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive,
pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.

15.The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to
illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the
consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has
bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports
teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such
illustrations are non-rebuttable.

16.If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is
permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors she wishes without regard to
logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.

17.Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought,
opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective
interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding.
Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or
rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject please for mercy
and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances,
especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition. )

 

[Wumpus]

any time you put the word "but..." after an apology it totally negates the whole thing.

gg

Just say you're sorry and leave it at that.

Adding a but or because is just a way to start the same fight over again.

 

[mack]

This could very well be the most uncool thing you've ever said. Hopefully I'm just not getting the e-sarcasm, it's been a long day.

Long day at work huh? Too much e sarcasim can be a little much when you come home i guess. :dancing:

 

[JRB]

No need to apologize for spelling, Jackson.


*mack - don't be a dumb ass.

 

[Snacks]

Just say you're sorry and leave it at that.

Adding a but or because is just a way to start the same fight over again.

Word. Just say your sorry. Is it worth having another fight?

 

[Mike B.]

any time you put the word "but..." after an apology it totally negates the whole thing.

gg

stop watching Dr. Phil and go out for a ride. I don't think anything sets me off more than the line of thinking that one word, "but," negates everything said previously, regardless of context.

 

[TreeSaw]

Damn Doug....I haven't laughed that hard in a while

I have to agree with JBP on this one. If you do want to re-hash the whole situation, focus on how you felt when you were upset and how the argument made you feel...I wouldn't be so consumed with who's at fault. Good luck!

 

[ioscope]

give her some flowers
tell her you're sorry and you were wrong.
Then she will realize she was really the one that was wrong, but insist that you were wrong anyway.
In the end, you will win, trust me.

 

[shocktower]

My wife and I had a little spat last night. IMO, we were both at fault, but both had legitimate points. Anyways... I want to appologize, but I also want to explain why I got upset. So how do I appologize without it comming off like, "I'm sorry I got upset, but it's your fault because..."?

Dude you blew it or are going to ,why would you want to lower Her and maker feel pointless ,will that make you feel better tough guy ,the way to solve a problem is to discuss it not when your mad but later when you have a level head ,then discuss it and in a positive way explain your points and opionions then let her speak and listen completely

 

[hooples3]

One important thing i have learned is the use of " I" statements. Instead of saying something like .."you never do....blah blah blah" it is better to say something like " I feel like you never do...blah blah blah"
by doing that you are talking about the way you feel and not anything factual.. try it... it works. it is better not to place blame because when you do the person always feels threatened whether they are right or wrong. then you can just focus more on the "make-up sex"

 

[jacksonpt]

OK... done.

It went pretty well. Basically, went something like this...

Me: "I'm sorry about last night... I didn't mean for it to turn into an arguement about whether my riding or the baby was more important... obviously the baby is the priority."
Her: "That's OK... I'm just really frustrated, really tired..."

That was about it. We didn't really get into why we fought - she just didn't seem like she wanted to think. She's 9mos pregnant and hasn't slept in like a month, so...

 

[grimm]

Or you can go make a complete u-turn. have HER apologize to you and bring YOU flowers and chocolate.

But since youve already solved the problem you lose out on the chocolate

Would be nice seeing the female apologizing once in a while tho. Thats a rarity if anything is.

 

[Andyman_1970]

She's 9mos pregnant and hasn't slept in like a month, so...

Everytime my wife and I had a misunderstanding when she was pregnant, she was right whether or not she was right............

I've learned pregnant women are not to be messed with............

 

[stosh]

sex......

 

[McGRP01]

Apologize? What's that? Do what we usually do... Don't speak to each other for a good 24 hours and let things fester. Then just start a random conversation and pretend like you can't remember why you were fighting in the first place.

 

[stosh]

Apologize? What's that? Do what we usually do... Don't speak to each other for a good 24 hours and let things fester. Then just start a random conversation and pretend like you can't remember why you were fighting in the first place.

bwahhhhhhhhh

Thats my tactic, however my GF's is to talk about it.

For us arguments always seem to happen at night and because of that they always seem to make me more tired than I was prior to the arguement. However my tatic of shall we say "sleeping it off" always infuriates my GF even more because she wants to "talk about it".

It's a hard balance.

 

[TreeSaw]

OK... done.

It went pretty well. Basically, went something like this...

Me: "I'm sorry about last night... I didn't mean for it to turn into an arguement about whether my riding or the baby was more important... obviously the baby is the priority."
Her: "That's OK... I'm just really frustrated, really tired..."

That was about it. We didn't really get into why we fought - she just didn't seem like she wanted to think. She's 9mos pregnant and hasn't slept in like a month, so...

Maybe do something REALLY nice to pamper her (either now or after the baby has arrived). Something as simple as making her favorite meal, a nice relaxing bath (not too hot to boil baby) with candles all around or a nice prenatal massage to help her relax during her last few weeks. She's really doing all the work right now (baby wise) and if it were me, I would be totally jealous that I couldn't ride and that would certainly make me much more iratable. Sounds like you got things worked out though...good job!

 

[stosh]

Maybe do something REALLY nice to pamper her (either now or after the baby has arrived). Something as simple as making her favorite meal, a nice relaxing bath (not too hot to boil baby) with candles all around or a nice prenatal massage to help her relax during her last few weeks. She's really doing all the work right now (baby wise) and if it were me, I would be totally jealous that I couldn't ride and that would certainly make me much more iratable. Sounds like you got things worked out though...good job!

Jackson don't listen to her she's a GIRL!!!!





Just kidding Treesaw!

 

[Skookum]

She's 9mos pregnant and hasn't slept in like a month, so...

Haha well no doubt that changes the whole enchilada there.... She's packin around your kid right now, you gotta diffuse all kinds of little arguments by placating her. Then after she pops the kid out, then bail on her and ride all the time. :evil:

 

[TreeSaw]

Jackson don't listen to her she's a GIRL!!!!





Just kidding Treesaw!

You're either hitting on me or I should be kickin' your arse

 

[stosh]

You're either hitting on me or I should be kickin' your arse

I'll never tell you the answer to your question.....

 

[TreeSaw]

I'll never tell you the answer to your question.....

Oh, there's no need to worry....I know :devil:

 

[SkaredShtles]

<snip>
Me: "I'm sorry about last night... I didn't mean for it to turn into an arguement about whether my riding or the baby was more important... obviously the baby is the priority."
Her: "That's OK... I'm just really frustrated, really tired..."

That was about it. We didn't really get into why we fought - she just didn't seem like she wanted to think. She's 9mos pregnant and hasn't slept in like a month, so...

Dude - give up the riding until the baby's born & sleeping through the night.............

-S.S.-

 

[dan-o]

If she's pregnant you're done. As a husband with a kid and another on the way, I suggest you buy a new bike using the argument that you'll be able to ride faster and return earlier.

 

[dh girlie]

Long day at work huh? Too much e sarcasim can be a little much when you come home i guess. :dancing:

Its not the first time I've seen you call your mom a bitch...but you're a kid...I used to hear my friends get pissed off at their moms and call em a bitch all the time when I was a teenager...I called my mom a bitch all the time when I was a kid. Not to her face, but who here hasn't tought their mom was a bitch at one time and couldn't wait to move out over stupid stuff like not getting to go somewhere cuz you got a bad grade or didn't do your chores.

I remember when my mom would really piss me off...I would go to where she couldn't see me, and do that Italian thing where you bend one arm and cross it with the other...the gesture that means f you...at the same time I was doing that I would be flipping her off with BOTH hands, sticking my tongue out, crossing my eyes and thinking F YOU F YOU FYOU! Haven't done that since I was about 14. Course she never caught me...otherwise I would NOT be here supplying you all with my witty commentary!

 

[dh girlie]

OK... done.

It went pretty well. Basically, went something like this...

Me: "I'm sorry about last night... I didn't mean for it to turn into an arguement about whether my riding or the baby was more important... obviously the baby is the priority."
Her: "That's OK... I'm just really frustrated, really tired..."

That was about it. We didn't really get into why we fought - she just didn't seem like she wanted to think. She's 9mos pregnant and hasn't slept in like a month, so...

Huh...kinda sounds like you ARE at fault!

You should have just said to begin with...She's 9mos pregnant, etc. etc. That's an easy one. Let it go...like she said...pregnant, no sleep, hormones...one thing you could have added is...as well as being sorry...I'd like to thank you for so selflessly carrying my spawn! hahaha!

 

[johnbryanpeters]

You're either hitting on me or I should be kickin' your arse

Kick his ass no matter. :mumble:

 

[golgiaparatus]

My wife and I had a little spat last night. IMO, we were both at fault, but both had legitimate points. Anyways... I want to appologize, but I also want to explain why I got upset. So how do I appologize without it comming off like, "I'm sorry I got upset, but it's your fault because..."?

Just apologize for getting upset and ask her if she understands why you got upset.

Dont brush it under the rug by just apologizing like so many have been saying, deal with and resolve it. Then when its all resolved and everything is cool...

























makeup sex utilizing any and all pieces of furniture and/or appliances.






[edit: hold the phone, I just read the rest of the thread... 9 mo pregnant. This is no ordinary woman here... this is Pregnanimus Ilogicorus. Dude, you are at fault. Get her a pickle, some peanut butter and a pizza with extra pineapple... no go to the corner and shutup...]

 

[TreeSaw]

Kick his ass no matter. :mumble:

You know it :devil:

 

[jacksonpt]

Huh...kinda sounds like you ARE at fault!

You should have just said to begin with...She's 9mos pregnant, etc. etc. That's an easy one. Let it go...like she said...pregnant, no sleep, hormones...one thing you could have added is...as well as being sorry...I'd like to thank you for so selflessly carrying my spawn! hahaha!

But the reason we were fighting (at least the reason I was fighting) is because I she waited until the last minute to tell me she didn't want me to ride. Then, rather than saying, "I'd prefer it if you didn't ride because...", she tried to guilt me into not going.

If she didn't want me to go, that's fine, I completely understand. I thought about it for quite awhile (whether it was appropriate/fair for me to go considering). When I got out of work, I asked her... she was planning on going to her mother's for dinner anyways, so I asked if I could ride while she was at dinner. She said yes, no problem. She just asked that I take her cell phone.

Over the course of dinner that evening, it came up that her cell phone would not work on the trails. This is a fact that I just knew to be true, and assumed she did to. She didn't know, and assumed I knew she didn't know. Apparently that fact is what caused her to change her mind about my riding.

But rather than saying anything at that point, she waiting until AFTER I had loaded up my gear and told a couple of guys I would meet up with them for the ride. And rather than saying, "look... I'm don't like the idea of you being unreachable for 4 or 5 hours while you ride", she tried to guilt me into not going by accusing me of not caring and placing more importance on riding than I do her or the baby.

That's why I was fighting... and it's an issue (both the waiting till it festers before she says anything AND the guilt trips) she pulls pretty regularly - it has nothing to do with her being pregnant.

I have no doubt that I'm at least partially at fault. And it probably was insensitive (at least) for me to even consider riding, but that's not what I was argueing about. (eventually I got spiteful and argued every point I could just to piss her off, but that's for another conversation).

 

[jacksonpt]

She's 9mos pregnant

and

makeup sex utilizing any and all pieces of furniture and/or appliances.

I've been shut off for a long while now.

 

[golgiaparatus]

and



I've been shut off for a long while now.

Go back and read my edited post.

she waiting until AFTER I had loaded up my gear and told a couple of guys I would meet up with them for the ride.

Aww damn... I hate that chit!