I can see this one going downhill in a hurry. Probably a good mis-quote thread!
I call a massage place and get a one hour rubdown once a month...paid for by my company.
In between massages my quads and IT Band can get pretty tight so I have to work on them on my own at times. Soap and water for the quads in the shower works pretty decent combined with plenty of stretching. For the IT band, I roll around on a tennis ball to loosen it up. Anywhere else pretty much sucks to reach and do a halfways decent job. I imagine there are plenty of power tools out there that'd do a decent job of working on the traps, but I've never really tried them out.