[MTB_Rob_NC]

Here is a column written by a friend of mine. We became friends via a very close mutual friend. They both live in Tampa, FL and I have to say I have the BEST time when I go and visit, and I have done some partying in my time. ink:

Anyway below is the column, I thought it would make for some interesting conversation

http://www.tampabay.com/news/story.cfm?storyid=117763

Single and loving it
By Dee Newson
A provocative question crept into my mind the other day:

Am I the only young professional who has made a deliberate decision to remain unattached?

I think not.

I believe we are a growing breed. We are the folks who say, "I may get married when I'm 50, or possibly never." We are young, driven, successful and determined. We believe living single is the only way to live.

Two years ago, I was involved with a very intelligent and beautiful woman. I gave her more of my time than I had given any one person in many years. We had a fabulous time together. We had intellectual conversations, traveled, danced and stayed up all night talking.

But she wanted more than just my time. She wanted to know that I missed her if we were apart. She wanted me to tell her about everything that went on in my life (past and present). She especially wanted to feel safe with me.

All very wonderful and important things for most relationships, but not if one is involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable (that would be me).

Needless to say, we eventually went our separate ways. To my credit, I try to be very honest about my intentions. I often tell my current friends and new acquaintances that I have no interest in being in a serious relationship.

My intent is not to devalue the sanctity or beauty in romantic relationships that have strong emotional unions. I think they are wonderful for people who want, need or have them. They are simply not for me.

Am I alone here? Is there anyone else out there who is deliberately single? Or maybe a few of you out there are trying to date someone who wants to remain single. Both will likely identify with what I am writing.

When I tell people about my decision to remain alone, I get: who broke your heart; you simply have not found the right person; someone is going to come along and knock you off your feet (this one must be the universal favorite); you're afraid of commitment. A good friend was so intrigued by my choice to remain single that she questioned my sexual orientation.

None of these reasons can even partially explain my decision. In fact, I do not have the slightest problem with being committed.

I think the reason is that I value my independence. I enjoy being able to make an impulsive decision to leave town for a couple weeks or a month. I enjoy not planning my Friday evenings. I enjoy not feeling obligated to pick up the phone and call someone just because we have not talked in one day. I enjoy being able to change my city and state of residence every two or three years without worrying about the person who is being left behind.

My time is my most valuable possession. In the real scheme of life, it is in short supply. I prefer to use it as I choose, without the implicit or explicit requirement to obtain approval from someone else.

So what is my intended message?

I think it's okay not to be in a relationship. Whether you are 20, 30, 40 or older, it may simply be a deliberate choice you have made.

And guess what? People like me who want to remain single make great friends. We are always available for an evening out. As dates, we have absolutely no expectations. You are free to come, go or call when you please. Once per week, once per month, once per year, it's all the same to us.

And if you are one of those people who dreams of sweeping that ardently single person off his feet, be prepared for a difficult challenge. You might come, you might see, but you might not conquer.

- Dee Newson is on the advisory board of tbt* and works for a local financial services company

 

[Toshi]

this phenomenon has been on the rise in japan for about 15 years now. lots of unattached 30ish single career females

 

[-dustin]

small town life and big city life are completely different. this article represents big city life.

 

[MTB_Rob_NC]

small town life and big city life are completely different. this article represents big city life.

Is that good or bad?


Are you saying that small town people have more time on their hands?

 

[jacksonpt]

Is that good or bad?

the answer to that question lies in his username...

 

[DRB]

this phenomenon has been on the rise in japan for about 15 years now. lots of unattached 30ish single career females

The first time I read this I read "unattractive" instead of "unattached".

 

[Snacks]

I can relate to his article 100%. I would rather spend a Friday night alone with my animals then trying to 'entertain' someone or getting to know the person

I guess I'm just selfish with my time.

 

[BikeGeek]

I can relate to his article 100%. I would rather spend a Friday night alone with my animals...

Bowchica bow bow...

 

[I Are Baboon]

Statistics show that a married person earns more for doing the same job as a single person. Don't ask for a reference because it's just a useless fact stored in my brain.

 

[Westy]

Statistics show that a married person earns more for doing the same job as a single person. Don't ask for a reference because it's just a useless fact stored in my brain.

For some reason my boss thinks because I am single I can work late and over weekends because I don't have kids or a wife to tend to. :nuts:

 

[-dustin]

Is that good or bad?


Are you saying that small town people have more time on their hands?

good, bad.....eh, neither. just an observation. i'd wager it has something to with the economics of a given city/town and how techie it is.

For some reason my boss thinks because I am single I can work late and over weekends because I don't have kids or a wife to tend to. :nuts:

my girlfriend was given this weekend off because her bosses (partners) knew i was going up to visit her.

 

[dh girlie]

The first time I read this I read "unattractive" instead of "unattached".

Or you could read: lives in an apartment with 60 cats, has crocheted doilies over the backs of all furniture that have backs and on all tables underneath her glass unicorn collection, drives a new VW beetle with a vanity plate and fake gerber daisies in the vase, with doilies on the seat backs, has short permed hair and big plastic framed Tootsie eye glasses (think dustin hoffman movie from 70's, I think) and is roughly 60 pounds overweight and wears stretch pants with tunic style tops with images honoring the current months holiday in sequins on the front! HAHAHAHA!

 

[biggins]

the "twixters" so they are called. i think it was time magazine that did a big article about the twixter life a month or so ago.

 

[reflux]

the "twixters" so they are called. i think it was time magazine that did a big article about the twixter life a month or so ago.

true true, but it's my understanding a lot (if not all) twixters still live at home with the parents.

 

[-dustin]

ha. single, independent.

living off mom and dad. ha. hahaha

 

[MTB_Rob_NC]

ha. single, independent.

living off mom and dad. ha. hahaha

The guy that wrote the article just turned 30, a PhD and a VERY successful HR executive for a very big company.


ie... he does not live with, or off of his folks.



Neither do I

Well except when they go out of town, and I have to feed their cats, I take all the good stuff in the fridge. ink:

 

[Konabumm]

When I read this I see.....

I like being single so I can have sex with who ever I want and not worry about having the window of my car smashed out.

But that’s just what I see.

 

[Ciaran]

When I read this I see.....

I like being single so I can have sex with who ever I want and not worry about having the window of my car smashed out.

But that?s just what I see.

Yeah that's what I see too. Well without the smashed window part. Who cares though? So you don't want a relationship... good for you. You want a brownie button now? Your life is your business. if I wanted to know about your personal life or what goes on between your sheets I would be there already.

Personally I have a GF that I am going to marry soon. I've been single, I've been attached. I prefer being with my GF. But either way, who really gives a rats ass?

 

[PsychO!1]

It's just the point of view I would expect a 30 year old to have. He's still young and living life to the fullest, but to think he will still feel that way when he's 40 or even 50.....I doubt it. At some point in his life, he will find the party life empty and yearn for someone to spend his life with on a deeper level.

 

[SkaredShtles]

<snip>Who cares though? So you don't want a relationship... good for you. You want a brownie button now? Your life is your business. <snip>

<snip> who really gives a rats ass?

I mean, why even tell anyone else? Who really cares why he does what he does? Is he looking for validation?

-S.S.-

 

[reflux]

Different strokes.

 

[=[Stinky]=]

japan for about 15 years now. lots of unattached 30ish single career females

Im soooooo there.

 

[=[Stinky]=]

Or you could read: lives in an apartment with 60 cats, has crocheted doilies over the backs of all furniture that have backs and on all tables underneath her glass unicorn collection, drives a new VW beetle with a vanity plate and fake gerber daisies in the vase, with doilies on the seat backs, has short permed hair and big plastic framed Tootsie eye glasses (think dustin hoffman movie from 70's, I think) and is roughly 60 pounds overweight and wears stretch pants with tunic style tops with images honoring the current months holiday in sequins on the front! HAHAHAHA!

Bwahahahaha. Way too funny.

 

[MTB_Rob_NC]

I mean, why even tell anyone else? Who really cares why he does what he does? Is he looking for validation?

-S.S.-

uh cause he is writing for a lifestyle newspaper.

 

[Clark Kent]

Bowchica bow bow...

Good god I almost laughed coffee right out my nose.

 

[SkaredShtles]

uh cause he is writing for a lifestyle newspaper.

Good point. I suppose this is why I avoid the "Style" section of any newspaper.

-S.S.-

 

[DRB]

Is he looking for validation?

-S.S.-

I was thinking rationalization.

 

[MTB_Rob_NC]

Good point. I suppose this is why I avoid the "Style" section of any newspaper.

-S.S.-

Really who needs all the opinion, rhetoric and page turning when you can get all the stuff you need from the internet and not have to get your fingers dirty.

 

[Acadian]

I think the reason is that I value my independence. I enjoy being able to make an impulsive decision to leave town for a couple weeks or a month. I enjoy not planning my Friday evenings. I enjoy not feeling obligated to pick up the phone and call someone just because we have not talked in one day. I enjoy being able to change my city and state of residence every two or three years without worrying about the person who is being left behind.

My time is my most valuable possession. In the real scheme of life, it is in short supply. I prefer to use it as I choose, without the implicit or explicit requirement to obtain approval from someone else.

Wow...I could almost hear myself talk!!!

 

[dh girlie]

Wow...I could almost hear myself talk!!!

that guy has a cheesey pepe le pew accent too?