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So that happened...

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,395
1
Oz
Last Friday my wife informed me that she wanted a divorce while she was away in the sand fighting for our country.

Long story short too many years of me being utterly insane, domineering, drunk and pissed off have finally broken the strongest person I have ever known.

In the midst of my preparations for hari kari one of my friends reached out and pulled me up from the bottom. It was almost all over for a minute there.

I have decided to make some changes. If you know me, I may need your help, as I feel that these changes are going to hurt.

1. I am going into AA. I drink too much, and for the wrong reasons.
2. I am going to go see a shrink. I need to fix some things.
3. I am getting into an anger management/RA program.
4. I am taking a rest from racing, rugby, shooting things.
5. I am a pathological liar. I need to tell the truth and take stock of what is left.
6. I eat sometimes to escape pain, or a hang over. No more Burgerking, more 24 Hour Fitness.

I am going to be on the boards less then before. I need to really work on getting my life together, because if I don't I am going to be dead by 2010.

Thanks for all of you who sent me messages on Sunday, they helped.

If you know me, help me if you can. If you don't, maybe someday I will meet you on a trail.
 
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jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
33,650
6,410
Portland, OR
Ride the Ducati sober. Nothing helps to clear my head than time on the bike (both bikes, actually). AA works, my brother has been clean damn near 20 years now (after 3 serious relapses) but it takes time.

Best of luck, brother.
 

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,395
1
Oz
Its gotten too cold and too unsafe to ride here. They sanded the roads for the first time, and that's when I know its time to not ride any more until spring.

It was getting to the point where I was riding the bike or driving my truck drunk, which before this year I never used to do, and hated people who did.

I've become everything I despise. I'm really hoping I can fix that.
 

Sandwich

Pig my fish!
Staff member
May 23, 2002
18,326
2,445
01776
dude, I'm sorry to hear that. good luck turning yourself around.

something that might help is setting a mid-term goal for yourself. Like completing a marathon in a year or competing in a 24hr or adventure race or something. It's a huge challenge, but setting your sights on it and achieving can really help. challenge somebody to it so you have a little extra pressure to get it done. come to monkeyfest, although that's not so good for AA.
 

geargrrl

Turbo Monkey
May 2, 2002
2,379
1
pnw -dry side
Best of luck to you. Be strong, it will be really tough at times. 12 step stuff "works if you work it". Get a sponsor. We are pulling for you. Lots of recovery at my house.

gg
 

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,373
0
SF
Good luck Dirk. I respect people who deal with the problems, not use excuses.

And just for fun, can a mod post who put down the "attention whore" and "e-liar" tags?
 

brungeman

I give a shirt
Jan 17, 2006
5,170
0
da Burgh
dirt,
i am watching my girls today, but when i get a chance 2 type a message, i will shoot you another pm!

keep your head up. honesty within yourself and with those closest to you is the most important thing.

I am pulling for you, and the PM offer still stands...

Stay strong my friend!
 

Damo

Short One Marshmallow
Sep 7, 2006
4,600
22
French Alps
Pretty tough story mate, I really hope you can sort stuff out.

It will be a shame to not have one of RM's funnier guys on here much anymore.

Make sure to stick your head in here every now and then.

Good luck.
 

PatBranch

Turbo Monkey
Sep 24, 2004
10,451
8
wine country
Good luck getting bettering yourself! I agree about a goal, like sandwhich said. You're funny, so don't stay off here too much, like ^^ said.
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,961
36
Sorry it has come to this, and I am really sorry to hear your relationship is over. It's not the end though, it's just a beginning to a new chapter in your life. (I know what you're going through bro, the pain makes it seem like the apocalypse!)


I've become everything I despise. I'm really hoping I can fix that.
At least you've come to this realization. So many people in this world are complete fvcking tools and are oblivious to it. First step is acceptance of your faults, next is change. It's a good thing.


We're here for ya.
 

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,395
1
Oz
I'll be around, this place is one of my healthier addictions.

As for the "attention whore" and "e-liar!" tags, please leave them up. It is that sort of thing that serves as my motivation to do this right, and to do it now.

I was a ****ty husband and a lousy friend to my wife. The request to divorce is not a surprise, but damn if it still doesn't hit like a tank full of hammers. I need to show her, by showing myself, that I can be the man she once loved.
 

G-Cracker

Monkey
May 2, 2002
528
0
Tucson, beatch!
Good luck to you. As was said before... the first positive step is admitting your faults and then working on them. I went through a divorce almost 3 years ago now, and while I barely held my head above water for a time, I don't regret anything now. Not sure what help I can give, but if ya need an ear, fire me a PM and just know there are a lot of us pulling for you.
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,961
36
I was a ****ty husband and a lousy friend to my wife. The request to divorce is not a surprise, but damn if it still doesn't hit like a tank full of hammers. I need to show her, by showing myself, that I can be the man she once loved.
Just keep it honest. If you really were once that man, then by all means get back to it.

If you were putting on an act to get a mate, and in fact you are a sucky husband, (not everyone is cut out for it) then own up to it and carry on.


Either way quitting the booze and eating right won't hurt.
 

SkaredShtles

I love NEWCASTLE and will ONLY drink NEWCASTLE!!!!
Sep 21, 2003
56,379
7,055
In a van.... down by the river
Chin up McGirk.

Remember - when the snow starts flying a bunch of Powder Therapy will NOT hurt.

Good luck, mate.

And just remember - no matter how bad it gets... General Motors has it worse. :D
 

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,395
1
Oz
Thanks guys, I appreciate it more than I can say.

I'm going to an AA meeting tonight, have an appointment with a head shrinker in the morning, and found some local anger management class tied to exercise.

Now its time to work the job, work the program, work the therapy and show her that somewhere inside the man she loves is still alive, just on a bit of a jackass hiatus.
 

stoney

Part of the unwashed, middle-American horde
Jul 26, 2006
18,118
3,388
Colorado
Good luck champ. Don't quit riding your bikes. It is a great fitness tool and a means of increasing your confidence mood when you succeed.
 

IH8Rice

I'm Mr. Negative! I Fail!
Aug 2, 2008
24,525
493
Im over here now
good luck with the anger management groups...they didnt work for ol' angry steve over here...i think i got more pissed off, but good luck to you..hopefully itll work for someone as angry as me.
 

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,395
1
Oz
Its going to be interesting.

I just have to find the help I need, and start back one day at a time.
Its all I can do.
Hopefully she can find it in her heart to take my scumbag, douche bag, slime bag, dildo bag self back.
 

IH8Rice

I'm Mr. Negative! I Fail!
Aug 2, 2008
24,525
493
Im over here now
stay positive mon....surround yourself with positive thinking people and people who wont egg you on to drink or to do bad things.
friends are KEY
 

Skookum

bikey's is cool
Jul 26, 2002
10,184
0
in a bear cave
Good luck Dirt.

It's not easy, but you identified some personal flaws.. Which is the first step and it's a beginning for a better life. Trust me i've been clean and sober for 16 years now, and it's a fact had i continued i would either be dead or in prison.

The worst prisons are the ones you make for yourself.

It takes work, but you can free yourself to a much better place. Keep walking towards a goal of sobriety, and bettering your complete self.

Tim
 

JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
12,898
985
Front Range, dude...
Hang in there man, I have been there too, although a slightly different place than yours. Giving up on things you have come to depend on is hard, but it sounds like you are doing the right things for the right reasons...
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
22,238
392
NY
Can I assume you are still in the Secret Santa event? Either way e-mail me.