Quantcast

Spoof on Velonews

ire

Turbo Monkey
Aug 6, 2007
6,196
4
http://www.velonews.com/article/74002/tueday-news-briefs-new-aso-rules-ball-buys-time-obra-bans

They even mention my teammate (becuase he's the new director of OBRA)

Tueday News Briefs: New ASO rules; Ball buys time; OBRA bans Astana?
Juan Pablo Santiago Duran y Smith captured the first stage of the Pesce d'Aprile demi-classic on Tuesday, after riding away from the remnants of the peloton on the brutal final climb to Pesciolino.

The win marks a turning point in cycling, being the first conducted under controversial rules developed by Tour de France organizer, the Amaury Sport Organisation.

“Juanpa showed he can pedal a bike from point A to point B faster than the other guys,” said Stefano Puchi, the team's general manager.

The race was run under an experimental new ASO rule banning the use of radios by teams and riders. Puchi said the peloton may have to adjust to the change.

“It was difficult conveying my tactical inspirations to the boys,” he said following the race. “I spoke to Juanpa before the race and I told him that when the start is declared he should get on his bike and ride it as fast as he can to Pesciolino. Thankfully he is very good at understanding and remembering tactics such as these,” he said.

Without the radio to communicate with the team leader, Puchi spent most of the race in the team car driving with his knees and gesturing wildly with both hands while talking on the cell phone to his brother and various business partners.

"I had no idea where the hell I was, or what the gap was," Duran y Smith later recounted. "I thought I might try just riding as fast as I could and let the chips fall where they may."

For the other teams lacking riders with Duran y Smith's innate tactical ability, the radio ban did not work as well. Without direction and tactical leadership, most of the riders were uncertain how to proceed once the race began. Several teams seemed to have abandoned the race altogether and were later found in nearby shopping centers, sipping cappucinos and comparing cell phone models. The Spanish Competidor Grupo team, perhaps seeking short cuts to Pesciolino, dispersed into several directions and was still being rounded up at day's end.

Mid-race the new Italian team Tagliatoro di Pietra decided on an unusual tactic without help from its team manager. They taped the feet of German team captain David Stohler to his pedals, an approach that seemed to work until Stohler stopped for a nature break and fell over on his side, rolling into the ditch still attached to his bike. Since the team car was unreachable by radio, team manager Christopher Dennis, busy updating his e-trade account on his iPhone, drove past Stohler. The German was only discovered several hours after the race, upside down in the ditch like a bug on its back, his bib shorts pulled down in a most undignified manner, pedaling furiously to produce body heat to combat the cold April winds that are so much a part of this race's tradition.

Wednesday's time trial stage promises another test of the radio ban for the seven riders who remain in the race. Puchi said he is not sure how Duran y Smith will fare in the time trial without a radio ear piece.

“Normally I use the radio to convey tactical insights on the time trial that only someone with years of experience can develop,” Puchi said. “Typically I might say, 'go, go, go, go faster-faster-faster' for the first half of the race, then as the race develops I might say, 'faster-faster-faster-now, push-it,' in the second half, you see, adjusting to suit the conditions on the road. Juanpa really appreciates this kind of insight and I'm not sure how he will fare without it.”
Nigel Fotheringhamington

Ball intends to buy two seconds back for Sevilla
Still stinging from Oscar Sevilla's general classification loss by just one second to Symmetrics rider Cameron Evans at Sunday’s San Dimas stage race finale, Rock Racing team owner Michael Ball said he intends two buy two seconds to return the Spaniard to the top podium step.

“It was really tough seeing Oscar lose by just one second,” Ball said. “And at the end of the day, time is money, right? And I have money. All I need is two seconds? Hell, I’m a successful businessman; I can buy two seconds.”

Ball said that although he didn’t yet know where he would acquire the two seconds, he was in discussions with the National Institute of Standards and Technology (www.time.gov) operators of the nation’s most advanced atomic clock.

Following Sevilla’s second place finish, Ball fired the team’s new, not-yet-signed team director Gord Fraser, who spent the weekend at his home in Tucson, Arizona and was not in San Dimas.

“It wasn’t going to work out with Gord,” Ball said. “We weren’t going to see things eye to eye. So I had to let him go.”

Recently appointed Rock spokesman, O.J. Simpson, said the team “is going in a direction different than that envisioned by Fraser.”

“He didn’t seem to mind that Oscar lost by one second,” Simpson observed. “That win belonged to Rock. That was Michael's jersey. He already had a spot picked out on his office wall. We will do what it takes to get it back. Gord’s ‘hey, that’s bike racing,’ attitude isn’t what we are willing to accept in this organization. We’re all about winning here.”

Astana denied entry to 2008 OBRA events
The embattled Astana team of 2007 Tour de France winner Alberto Contador and podium finisher Levi Leipheimer suffered another blow Monday when the Oregon Bicycle Racing Association (www.obra.org) said it would not allow the team to compete in any of its events in 2008.

Because of high-profile doping infractions in 2007 the Astana team was not invited to events organized by Giro d’Italia organizers RCS or Tour de France organizers Amaury Sport Organization.

With the month of July now open, Astana’s Chris Horner had been expected to race in the Cascade Classic, which takes place in his hometown of Bend, Oregon. Horner had hoped to bring Contador, Leipheimer, Janez Brajkovic and José Luis “Chechu” Rubiera.

Not so, said OBRA’s recently appointed executive director T. Kenji Sugahara, who recently replaced longtime director Candi Murray.

“One of my first directives is to build OBRA into an organizing committee on par with the greatest race organizers in the world,” Sugahara said. “And that means falling in line with ASO and RCS. That means Astana riders will not be welcome to compete at the Cascade Classic, the Mt. Hood Classic, our Alpenrose Thursday night velodrome series, or any other OBRA events in 2008. Depending on the team’s performances, we will reconsider our position in 2009.”

Reached for comment, Horner was incredulous. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he said. “That makes no sense at all.”

Horner added that he would consider launching an online petition to challenge OBRA’s decision once he finished re-staining his deck.
 

splat

Nam I am
they have more then 1 today


http://www.velonews.com/article/74000/velonewscom-responds-to-reader-complain


VeloNews.com responds to reader complaints
By VeloNews.com
Posted Apr. 1, 2008
Forward to the past; Backward to the future! The new (old) VeloNews.com
Forward to the past; Backward to the future! The new (old) VeloNews.com
Photo: Patrick O'Grady

Responding to numerous reader complaints, VeloNews publisher Andy Pemberton announced Tuesday that the site will be abandoning its new design after a four-month trial period, starting some time after April 1.

“To fully comply with the many, many emails we're received on this issue - most typed in capitals and without punctuation - we will revert to the site as it was presented originally, in 1996,” Pemberton said.

Outgoing web developer Kevin Hankens said he was not at all bitter about the seven months of 70-hour weeks he spent developing the new site design.

“I'm looking forward to riding my bike and spending more time with the family,” Hankens said in a statement approved by his lawyer and released after he was escorted from the company's Boulder, Colorado, headquarters.

The earlier/new design features a cutting-edge “frames” format that will load quickly with the 14.4kbps dial-up modems and Netscape browsers that research shows are favored by most of the readers who complained about the new design.

In Hankens' absence, VeloNews.com editor-at-large Patrick O'Grady has been charged with resurrecting the 1996 site design, which departing web editor Steve Frothingham had foolishly hidden behind a box of unopened 7-speed STI shifters in the company warehouse. Frothingham, who is said to be spending more time with his family, was apparently unaware that O'Grady had been searching for the box since 1995. The original site's code is stored on 14, 5 1/2-inch floppy disks that O'Grady plans to access with his new Mac Classic II desktop computer.
Advertisement

“It’ll take some time, to get all of this loaded, but we’re going to flip the switch as soon as we get rid of all of that new fangled code that Hankens loaded on to the servers,” O’Grady said. “What the hell is a MYSQL, anyway?”

O'Grady and senior online editor Charles Pelkey say they plan some cutting edge articles for the coming season, as soon as O'Grady types in the 8-page European spring race preview/history that John Wilcockson faxed in from Belgium last week.

“The great thing about the Information Superhighway is there is no limit to the length of articles, and it's so timely,” Pelkey said. “Why, once I receive the package of 20 black and white photos that John Air-mailed from Belgium and scan them in, we'll have this spring classic preview story ‘online’ and ready to go as soon as April 14th! That’s weeks before NBC broadcasts the Paris-Roubaix spring classic (which is April 13th).

“We intend to become the Information SuperBikepath, if I might be allowed to coin such a witticism,” Pelkey added. “We expect to be able to add at least one new story almost every day. The magazine sure can’t claim that sort of immediacy.”

O'Grady said he was planning to experiment with adding an animated GIF graphic of a little man pedaling a bike to the top of the page. He also is considering a “scrolling marquee” with headlines. And he may add a “chat room” to the site to take advantage of the Internet's “interactive” capabilities.

O'Grady, a proud “ink-stained-wretch” newspaper veteran, said he was reluctant to forgo the many career opportunities in the fast-growing newspaper business, but that he looks forward to a somewhat quieter lifestyle in the sleepy little niche of specialty online journalism.

“I view this redesign and management shake-up as a victory for the traditions of great journalism,” O’Grady said. “I know this web thingy doesn’t have the impact of ink on paper, but Pelkey and I respect the hard-nosed approach real newspaper men bring to their work. We think we can bring that to the Internet, too. Now, get off of my lawn.”
 

ire

Turbo Monkey
Aug 6, 2007
6,196
4
I hope Astana really DOES come to Bend for the CCC. There are rumors out there.
That would be cool, then we could all go out and scream: "Go home you bunch of dopers!!!!" and we could even have big signs! :biggrin:
 

ire

Turbo Monkey
Aug 6, 2007
6,196
4
But all the teams would figure we were yelling at them.
Alright, here's what I'll do.....I'll write Astana Sucks on my butt in that cool blue color and then I'll moon the peleton as they ride by.