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Stuff White People Like

r464

Turbo Monkey
Oct 17, 2006
2,608
0
Earth
A good place to find white people on a Saturday is at a Bike Shop. Bike shops are almost entirely staffed and patronized by white people!

But not all white people love bicycles in the same way, there is much diversity. First up, we have the younger urban white folks who absolutely love their fixed gear bicycles. These are seen all over college towns, Silverlake in LA, Williamsburg in Brooklyn, Queen West in Toronto, and Victoria, British Columbia. Fixed gear bicycles meet a lot of requirements for white person acceptance. They can be made from older (i.e. vintage) bicycles, thus allowing the rider to have a unique bike that is unlikely to be ridden by anyone else in town. They are also easily customizable with expensive things Aerospoke rims, Phil Wood Hubs, and Nitto Parts. The combination of rare bicycles and expensive parts makes it easy for white people to judge other white people on the quality and originality of their bicycles. This is important in determining if someone is or isn’t cooler than you.

White people also like Mountain Bikes because it lets them be in nature. It’s really not more complicated than that.

And finally, they love expensive Road Bikes and the accompanying spandex uniforms. This enables them to ride long distances and wear really tight clothes without any social stigmas. These types of riders will spend upwards of $5,000 on a bicycle and up to $400 on accessories, but will not ride to work. Perhaps because they cannot wear the spandex. It is important that you never question why someone needs a $5000 bicycle since the answer is always “performance.”

For the most part, these rules have been unisex. But there is a special category of bicycles that appeal far more to white women, the European city bike (pictured). White women have a lot of fantasies about idealized lives, and one of them is living in Europe and riding around an old city on one of these bikes. They dream about waking up and riding to a little cafe, then visiting bakeries and cheese shops and finally riding home to prepare a fancy meal for their friends who will all eat under a canopy with white Christmas lights. This information can be used to help gain the trust/admiration of a white woman, especially if you can pull off a lie about how your mother told you about how she used to do all of these things when she was younger.

And of course, it goes without saying that white people who ride bikes like to talk about how they are saving the earth. If you know a person who rides to work, you should take them aside and say “Hey, thanks. Sincerely, The Earth.” Then give a thumbs up. That white person will ride home on a cloud.
Is that what got you there?
 

dump

Turbo Monkey
Oct 12, 2001
5,524
341
I see what they're trying to do here... but the name of the blog is a misnomer.
 

ire

Turbo Monkey
Aug 6, 2007
6,199
4
:rofl:
Prior to engaging in divorce, most white people train for it by engaging in a series of long term relationships that end very poorly
 

Slugman

Frankenbike
Apr 29, 2004
4,027
0
Miami, FL
"#67 Standing Still at Concerts" Awesome!

My wife and I went to see Celia Cruz when we were living in Boston. The security guards at the concert hall kept walking around and making people sit down (they were trying to dance). Celia herself stopped the show and told the audience that she was leaving unless people started dancing...
 

TN

Hey baby, want a hot dog?
Jul 9, 2002
14,039
1,249
Jimtown, CO
They (the bloggers for that site ) have never been to a Phish concert....well, i don't know if I would really call that dancing anyway. Nevermind.

"#67 Standing Still at Concerts" Awesome!

My wife and I went to see Celia Cruz when we were living in Boston. The security guards at the concert hall kept walking around and making people sit down (they were trying to dance). Celia herself stopped the show and told the audience that she was leaving unless people started dancing...
 

dan-o

Turbo Monkey
Jun 30, 2004
5,381
1,498
it goes without saying that white people who ride bikes like to talk about how they are saving the earth. If you know a person who rides to work, you should take them aside and say “Hey, thanks. Sincerely, The Earth.” Then give a thumbs up. That white person will ride home on a cloud.
:rofl:
 

CrabJoe StretchPants

Reincarnated Crab Walking Head Spinning Bruce Dick
Nov 30, 2003
11,569
422
Groton, MA
Weird, a few friends of mine were talking about this today between classes, and I determined I'm less white than I am white.


I need to take part in Chappelle's racial draft.
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
36,867
3,700
Sleazattle
I'm pretty sure that blog just applies to white people in San Francisco.

There are no references to pick-up trucks, camoflage hats, mullets, cheese, sunburn, Miller Lite or 'rastlin.
 

TN

Hey baby, want a hot dog?
Jul 9, 2002
14,039
1,249
Jimtown, CO
I too have come to this conclusion reading that blog.
But everyone else here in Wis-CAHN-sin...they pretty much fit the mold. :D

Weird, a few friends of mine were talking about this today between classes, and I determined I'm less white than I am white.


I need to take part in Chappelle's racial draft.
 

CRoss

Turbo Monkey
Nov 20, 2006
1,329
0
The Ranch
I am questioning how white I am now. All the people except Sarah Silverman i had to Google to find out who they were. Now i did know every song on the top ten hip hop list:twitch:



White people love “gifted” children, do you know why? Because an astounding 100% of their kids are gifted! Isn’t that amazing?

I’m pretty sure the last non-gifted white child was born in 1962 in Reseda, CA. Since then, it’s been a pretty sweet run.

:rofl::busted:
 

X3pilot

Texans fan - LOL
Aug 13, 2007
5,861
1
SoMD
I'm pretty sure that blog just applies to white people in San Francisco.

There are no references to pick-up trucks, camoflage hats, mullets, cheese, sunburn, Miller Lite or 'rastlin.
Pork rinds, NASCAR, potted meat or flea markets, either.
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,975
34
Some gems:


Some white people decide to pull the ultimate move. Prius, Apple Sticker on the back, iPod rocking, and Democratic Candidate bumper sticker. Unstoppable!

If you plan on dealing with white people, it would serve you well to know some local breakfast places. This will also come in handy if you pick someone up at 80s night. In white person law, if you meet someone at 80s night and then go out for breakfast the next morning, then you are automatically in a relationship. There are no exceptions.
For many of you, this post will be a confusing as you wonder who exactly this David Sedaris is. He is a humorist who writes for the New Yorker and has seveal books including Barrel Fever and Holidays on Ice.

His stuff is kind of funny, but white people go crazy and will pay hundreds of dollars to hear him read from his own book. Let me say that again, they will pay money to see someone read from a book they have already read. They know the jokes are coming, they know the punch lines, but they feel the need to hear the author actually say it.
 

skinny mike

Turbo Monkey
Jan 24, 2005
6,416
0
the idea is funny, but it's basically just a rant against white yuppies.

i don't know why, but the one about dogs kind of struck a nerve with me(maybe because i love dogs, and yet that whole section wasn't even close to me or anyone in my family). definitely interesting to see an entire site dedicated to stereotypes of white people. what i find to be even more interesting is the fact that if you substituted any other race in for white, then many people would be complaining about it being offensive because it is propagating stereotypes.

i still just find it weird that i was slightly annoyed by something that i know was meant in jest.