[JohnE]

So when we relocated to CO, we made the critical error of providing forwarding addresses to our families. I dont get on well with mine, so there is little risk (I hope...) of them wanting a visit. I dont bother them, they stay away from me.

The Frau, on the other hand...is a different story. She still cultivates relations with her people...who really dont seem to give a shit about us. Before she started to work, her niece planned a visit with us. The niece...who has 3 kids from 3 different dudes. As if that isnt enough, the other niece says she wants to tag along. The 19 year old with the big gauges and the already too many tattoos. And then, the sister (Mother of these two...) and her boyfriend decide to come along. Did I mention she also has 3 kids from different dudes? Yeah, her too. Frau has a Masters degree...cumulative education level of this group is about grade 8 I believe.

So all week I have an additional 8 people in my house...3 under the age of 10. My daughter and the nieces son are the same age, but he has so many problems you would think he was about 4 chronologically. Other kids are 1 and 4...and she cant be bothered to supervise them, so they are running amok. The Frau is conveniently at work during this debacle, so I am playing TourGuide JohnE through it all. I am getting to do the toruisto thing around town, which is okay...but the fact that these people cant be bothered to clean up after the kids, put dishes (Which they use a shitload of...) in the dishwasher or help unload the dishwasher, dont watch the kids and each shower 11 times a day between vaping sessions is driving me nuts.

Some of you may ascribe to the theory that when you go a visitin', you should at least try to assimilate a bit with your host units and try to be good guests so you leave a decent impression and maybe get invited back. Not these people. The boyfriends of the sister and neice are cool, decent southern guys who try to be mellow and not take up too much space...but the rest of them...Lawd Jeebus™ , FSM, Buddha, anyone else you got...give me patience!

So the moral of the story is, no matter how much you love your Frau, dont let her family come a callin...

 

[6thElement]

It's a nice day, send them to climb Pikes Peak with no provisions or warm clothing.

edit: Tell them it's possible to see the Disney castle in California from the top.


*This is a comedy response and in no way am I responsible for SAR or funeral costs.

 

[canadmos]

Sounds like a good time to hit the abort button and go riding.......somewhere far.

 

[SkaredShtles]

<snip>

So the moral of the story is, no matter how much you love your Frau, dont let her family come a callin...

You'd think being your age... that you'd already know this.

And this is what legalized weed is for, my good man.

Oh, and:

 

[JohnE]

Sigh...yeah, stand by for further.

 

[JohnE]

You'd think being your age... that you'd already know this.

And this is what legalized weed is for, my good man.

Oh, and:

Yeah...the sister is holy roller of sorts too. Anti weed at least, she is one of those Reefer Madness types. Going to Manitou this afternoon...may have to go shopping.

 

[JohnE]

Sounds like a good time to hit the abort button and go riding.......somewhere far.

Is there a bad time?

 

[stevew]

drop them off in bear country..

 

[jstuhlman]

 

[jonKranked]

So when we relocated to CO, we made the critical error of providing forwarding addresses to our families. I dont get on well with mine, so there is little risk (I hope...) of them wanting a visit. I dont bother them, they stay away from me.

The Frau, on the other hand...is a different story. She still cultivates relations with her people...who really dont seem to give a shit about us. Before she started to work, her niece planned a visit with us. The niece...who has 3 kids from 3 different dudes. As if that isnt enough, the other niece says she wants to tag along. The 19 year old with the big gauges and the already too many tattoos. And then, the sister (Mother of these two...) and her boyfriend decide to come along. Did I mention she also has 3 kids from different dudes? Yeah, her too. Frau has a Masters degree...cumulative education level of this group is about grade 8 I believe.

So all week I have an additional 8 people in my house...3 under the age of 10. My daughter and the nieces son are the same age, but he has so many problems you would think he was about 4 chronologically. Other kids are 1 and 4...and she cant be bothered to supervise them, so they are running amok. The Frau is conveniently at work during this debacle, so I am playing TourGuide JohnE through it all. I am getting to do the toruisto thing around town, which is okay...but the fact that these people cant be bothered to clean up after the kids, put dishes (Which they use a shitload of...) in the dishwasher or help unload the dishwasher, dont watch the kids and each shower 11 times a day between vaping sessions is driving me nuts.

Some of you may ascribe to the theory that when you go a visitin', you should at least try to assimilate a bit with your host units and try to be good guests so you leave a decent impression and maybe get invited back. Not these people. The boyfriends of the sister and neice are cool, decent southern guys who try to be mellow and not take up too much space...but the rest of them...Lawd Jeebus™ , FSM, Buddha, anyone else you got...give me patience!

So the moral of the story is, no matter how much you love your Frau, dont let her family come a callin...

vaping = kill list

 

[Adventurous]

 

[junkyard]

Yeah...the sister is holy roller of sorts too. Anti weed at least, she is one of those Reefer Madness types. Going to Manitou this afternoon...may have to go shopping.

Sounds like you should smoke weed constantly while taking the lords name in vain as often as possible. Also ask her questions about religion, like "were fossils really made by the devil". Maybe put on zeitgeist or monty python's life of brian. Unless of course you dont like weed and like jesus. NTTAWWT.

 

[StiHacka]

Baby Jeebus shaped bong?

 

[eric strt6]

Sounds Like my MIL and my wifes brothers daughter and her brood. Thankfully the courts finally forcerd her to get a norplant so she would not pop out anymore low IQ morons on public assistance

 

[stevew]

 

[Pesqueeb]

sister is holy roller of sorts....Going to Manitou this afternoon

Before you hit maggies farm, be sure to hit one of those places that sells shiny rocks to get your chakra aligned.

 

[RoboDonkey713]

Baby Jeebus shaped bong?

Burn his dong as you hit the bong. Can I get an Amen?

 

[eric strt6]

Get an I knocked up the Virgin Mary Tee Shirt made up and wear it home

 

[jonKranked]

the most concerning part about the baby jeebus bong is the random nuts and bolts making up the stem.

 

[slyfink]

Thankfully the courts finally forcerd her to get a norplant

say whaaa?!?! that's some dystopian "handmaid's tale" shit right there... how the eff is that possible?! I'm no libertarian or anything, but that's pretty far out there...

 

[jimmydean]

the most concerning part about the baby jeebus bong is the random nuts and bolts making up the stem.

It was a lamp, then MacGyver stoner got it.

 

[junkyard]

You could bring up the argument that the virgin mary must have been a hermaphrodite and got herself pregnant.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

I think you should take this opportunity to assess potential for possible new MP recruits. Demonstrate a few common examples of restraining holds. I'm sure the concept of compliance will be aptly appreciated from that point.

 

[eric strt6]

say whaaa?!?! that's some dystopian "handmaid's tale" shit right there... how the eff is that possible?! I'm no libertarian or anything, but that's pretty far out there...

Drug abuse and other jailable related offenses. Choice birth control and drug TX or go to jail and lose visitation rights. Grandparents ( my bil and sil )were given legal custody of her mutant offspring

 

[DirtyMike]

Man reading stories like this really makes me remember how lucky I am I get along and like my in-laws.

 

[JohnE]

Drove past Maggies...pointed it out to them. Sisters BF, who is a cancer patient, sounded interested, but she wasnt into it. Me, being desirous of just getting them out of the area, drove on. Went for BBQ lunch, niece had a spazz because she didnt want it and she is on vacation and its HER vacation...I ate on in silence, enjoying it immensely. It was quiet for the first time in 72 hours. Her kids wouldnt eat...ohfuckingwell.

I like kids, I really do. Mostly mine. Others that are well behaved and responsible too. Not these 3. Baby doesnt stop crying, and no one steps up and pays attention to her...ADHD poster child (Among other things...he has to be slightly autistic or have some Aspergers or something...) spins around at Mach 2, and they give him Mt Dew. WT everloving FUCK? Pay attention to the kids...then the Frau tells me "Well, she is dealing with some depression issues...so I understand it." Nofuckingway...depressed? Suck the dick or get on the pill. DONT take the injection of baby juice.

Thanks to the FSM, as the Frau is off tomorrow and promised me she will take the lead for the final day of the whole groups visit. I may fake a migraine. Or bleeding rectal tumours

They insisted on cooking for us tonight, because they are "hardcore foodies..." I cant wait...

 

[JohnE]

She also caught the little ADHD fvcker slapping my dog with his chew toy/rope thingy. Good thing I didnt see it, or the dog would be burping up Ritalin right now.

 

[maddog17]

that totally sucks ass.

 

[junkyard]

Well that just sounds awful. My frau's brother is a total shit head, (four kids with three women), only takes care of one. I put my foot down when he called us all motherfuckers, chumps and something else I can't remember through a text, even our one year old daughter. Haven't seen or heard from him in two years. I was asked to help move my wife's dad out of his place, he said he would rip my head off. I wasn't gunna go anyways, I sent my four workers. One is like 400lbs, really nice guy, just fat as hell and drips sweat everywhere and touches everything. He took a big shit there. FIL hasnt talked to him in two years now either. My point is there is hope for the future.

 

[JohnE]

Postscript-

They all have departed, I am still relatively sane. Foodie cooking actually went well, and was followed by the nieces BF sharing some gummies he bought in Denver (...when the mother wasnt looking) under the stars by a fire in my yard. Mother and her BF left early, and the pressure was eased considerably after they left. Unfortunately, the Frau is now talking about her brother and his wife coming out for a visit...nofuckingway. I will go sleep in Squeebs garage if that happens, whether he knows it or not. She and I both agree that the nieces kids are not coming back. Ever. And if the subject of visiting them ever comes up, I will come down with herpegonnasyphilitis simplex 24 real fast.

So, who wants to ride bikes?

 

[Westy]

Postscript-

They all have departed, I am still relatively sane. Foodie cooking actually went well, and was followed by the nieces BF sharing some gummies he bought in Denver (...when the mother wasnt looking) under the stars by a fire in my yard. Mother and her BF left early, and the pressure was eased considerably after they left. Unfortunately, the Frau is now talking about her brother and his wife coming out for a visit...nofuckingway. I will go sleep in Squeebs garage if that happens, whether he knows it or not. She and I both agree that the nieces kids are not coming back. Ever. And if the subject of visiting them ever comes up, I will come down with herpegonnasyphilitis simplex 24 real fast.

So, who wants to ride bikes?

Gummy Dicks?

 

[jonKranked]

They insisted on cooking for us tonight, because they are "hardcore foodies..." I cant wait

 

[Pesqueeb]

I will go sleep in Squeebs garage if that happens, whether he knows it or not.

Getting too cold for that, you can stay in the crawl space.

 

[Adventurous]

Getting too cold for that, you can stay in the crawl space.

Just make sure you apply lotion liberally beforehand.

 

[Pesqueeb]

Just make sure you apply lotion liberally beforehand.

***Probably NSFW***

 

[Jeremy R]

Just grab them all right in the P**** and tell them GTFO. Make your home great again!

 

[jonKranked]

Just grab them all right in the P**** and tell them GTFO. Make your home great again!

once they're gone, build a wall. make them pay for it. i suggest you raid their wallets before you throw them out

 

[wiscodh]

If the bro comes you can sleep in my garage/bong shed in Lafayette.

Cause when the wife's family comes Into town I hope you will reciprocate.....

 

[DaveW]

the most concerning part about the baby jeebus bong is the random nuts and bolts making up the stem.

Like anything religious, the closer you look the more fault ridden and worse it gets.

 

[TreeSaw]

Postscript-

They all have departed, I am still relatively sane. Foodie cooking actually went well, and was followed by the nieces BF sharing some gummies he bought in Denver (...when the mother wasnt looking) under the stars by a fire in my yard. Mother and her BF left early, and the pressure was eased considerably after they left. Unfortunately, the Frau is now talking about her brother and his wife coming out for a visit...nofuckingway. I will go sleep in Squeebs garage if that happens, whether he knows it or not. She and I both agree that the nieces kids are not coming back. Ever. And if the subject of visiting them ever comes up, I will come down with herpegonnasyphilitis simplex 24 real fast.

So, who wants to ride bikes?

Sounds like you have earned some "free" time from the Frau!!!