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Tall Tales of stupid shit that should have killed you Thread

eric strt6

Resident Curmudgeon
Sep 8, 2001
16,019
5,272
directly above the center of the earth
This should be a fun read as all of us have a lot of them to relate

This is one of mine circa 1983

Another close call. Weather forecast was for light snow showers in Yosemite. Ranger Chis Knauer and I decided to take our backcountry skis and ski from Crane Flat to Toulumne Meadows on a 3 day ski trip mid winter. For some stupid reason we took a 3+ season tent instead of my heavy 4 season Mountaineering tent. We got about 5 miles in and the storm started to hit so we made camp in a spot clear of any potential deadfall or avalanche cooked dinner and crawled into the tent for the night.

Some hours later I woke up, the air in the tent was bad. I went to sit up,nope. The snowfall had not only buried the tent it had collapsed onto us from the weight. I woke Chris up, we were both groggy from the CO2 build up. It was bad, the only thing I could think to do was roll onto our stomachs and push upwards on hands and knees with our backs to the tent roof to give us some working space. It took 3 tries but we made some room.

I unzipped the tent door and tried to punch an arm up to fresh air. Crap we were buried way to deep for that. Our ski poles were under the fly and they screw together end to end to make an avalanche probe that is 7 feet long. We used that to punch an air hole. Man the first blast of fresh air was simply amazing, total life saver.

We geared up and started digging a tunnel to the surface packing the snow on the side or the rain flys vestibule. Close to 8 feet of snow had fallen. That light snow fall had blossomed into a full on Winter Sierra Blizzard. It took us an hour to clear the tent and it was still dumping. We decided to set our alarms to go off each hour and take turns clearing the tent. believe me that sucked every two hours getting dressed and shoveling for 15 minutes.

The storm let up at 9am with close to 12 feet of squeaky powder having fallen. Telemark skiers delight. We stuck to heavily treed slopes to avoid triggering and avalanche and had a blast with waist deep untracked powder for hours. Then it started to snow again. A quick check of the weather radio indicated that it was time to bug out as another blast was going to hit and last for days.

It was snowing heavily when we reached my truck and it took two hours to dig it out then make it two hundred feet to the plowed road and drive back into Yosemite and check in and the back country permit station. Ranger La Cass was there to greet us. We were high school buddies. She just looked at us shook her head then asked "So how bad was it up there last night ( we were at 9000'). Chris just said "Bad enough that we are back here at 3000 feet tonight".
 

Jm_

Turbo Monkey
Jan 14, 2002
10,563
2,721
AK
Damn, yeah Sierras can drop 10 foot storms like nothing. While I was reading that I was thinking of my own Xmas trip this last year where I was practicing for Iditarod and I went and camped out in the State Forest during a snow-storm. All I did was throw a pad and sleeping bag into a bivy sack (a 4 season bivy sack mind you) and just slept through the storm, snowing the whole time. And by "slept", I mean mostly did not sleep, except at one point I did fall asleep and in the dream I was about a mile away from my camping spot at a known trailhead and it was daylight out and I was wearing shorts. I had no idea in the dream how I had gotten there, which concerned me, only that I was in the sack as the last thing I could remember. Knowing (in the dream) that I had to get my gear, I was preparing to just "run" to the gear and stay warm by moving, in shorts. I was glad when I finally realized in the dream that it was in fact a dream...But the snow was magical, so light and you could see each individual snowflake.
01798386ecbf7f47b68dbd04800a0d60da14b1543e.jpg
 

kidwoo

Celebrating No-Pants Day
Aug 25, 2003
24,069
3,221
In my pants
This should be a fun read as all of us have a lot of them to relate

This is one of mine circa 1983

Another close call. Weather forecast was for light snow showers in Yosemite. Ranger Chis Knauer and I decided to take our backcountry skis and ski from Crane Flat to Toulumne Meadows on a 3 day ski trip mid winter. For some stupid reason we took a 3+ season tent instead of my heavy 4 season Mountaineering tent. We got about 5 miles in and the storm started to hit so we made camp in a spot clear of any potential deadfall or avalanche cooked dinner and crawled into the tent for the night.

Some hours later I woke up, the air in the tent was bad. I went to sit up,nope. The snowfall had not only buried the tent it had collapsed onto us from the weight. I woke Chris up, we were both groggy from the CO2 build up. It was bad, the only thing I could think to do was roll onto our stomachs and push upwards on hands and knees with our backs to the tent roof to give us some working space. It took 3 tries but we made some room.

I unzipped the tent door and tried to punch an arm up to fresh air. Crap we were buried way to deep for that. Our ski poles were under the fly and they screw together end to end to make an avalanche probe that is 7 feet long. We used that to punch an air hole. Man the first blast of fresh air was simply amazing, total life saver.

We geared up and started digging a tunnel to the surface packing the snow on the side or the rain flys vestibule. Close to 8 feet of snow had fallen. That light snow fall had blossomed into a full on Winter Sierra Blizzard. It took us an hour to clear the tent and it was still dumping. We decided to set our alarms to go off each hour and take turns clearing the tent. believe me that sucked every two hours getting dressed and shoveling for 15 minutes.

The storm let up at 9am with close to 12 feet of squeaky powder having fallen. Telemark skiers delight. We stuck to heavily treed slopes to avoid triggering and avalanche and had a blast with waist deep untracked powder for hours. Then it started to snow again. A quick check of the weather radio indicated that it was time to bug out as another blast was going to hit and last for days.

It was snowing heavily when we reached my truck and it took two hours to dig it out then make it two hundred feet to the plowed road and drive back into Yosemite and check in and the back country permit station. Ranger La Cass was there to greet us. We were high school buddies. She just looked at us shook her head then asked "So how bad was it up there last night ( we were at 9000'). Chris just said "Bad enough that we are back here at 3000 feet tonight".


tourist



Call me if you ever want to go on some winter BC adventures. It's kind of my thing.
 

Da Peach

Outwitted by a rodent
Jul 2, 2002
12,900
2,514
North Van
A fully loaded bench in a coal mine was very nearly set off by one of my ex-con colleagues on the blast crew up in northern BC. Nothing happened, but we were about 30 ft from the toe of a 10m slope in a pickup. We had just finished a week of loading explosives and tying the whole blast pattern together with det cord. Dumbass decided to roll the spool of det cord down to the truck and cut the corner of the switchback rather than walk around. He then decided to slide down the slope after the spool kicking loose a 100lb rock which tumbled down nearly crushing the leftover spool.

Good thing those assholes were a great source of weed.
 

stevew

unique white person
Sep 21, 2001
33,549
4,106
dropping brother and friend off in evergreen to do the triple bypass.....losing brakes....driving back down the mountain sans brakes....grabbing rental car and returning to pick them up in the afternoon.
 

canadmos

Cake Tease
May 29, 2011
11,099
7,282
Canaderp
Lots...

One we laugh at now; first time in Pisgah we misjudged time needed for an epic we planned (crossing the river 40 fuckin' times early on in the ride didn't help). Ended up going down Pilot Rock at sunset. No big deal, but our car was parked at the Turkey Pen trail head, twenty miles away.

Decided to abort the mission and started the trek down the service road to highway 276. We were passed by this guy in a pickup, also with a bike, asking if he was headed the correct way to the main road. Like absolute idiots, we pointed him down the road and didn't even bother asking to hitch a ride.

When we got to 276 it was now dark. And we had no lights. Its all downhill back to Brevard, but what a scary ride that was. On one side of the road is rock and on the other is a river. Not sure how either of us didn't end up broken off in the guard rail or launching into the river. We were basically feeling the road like braille and hoping for the best.

Sheriff ended up pulling us over at the ranger station and asked what the fuck we were doing, which we had no response, so he just took off and left us in the dark. :rofl:

Anyways, no one died. Next day I believe we chucked ourselves down a hill and past some meth shacks with @jstuhlman

A picture taken on Pilot Rock that day...sun already gone. :D
 

kidwoo

Celebrating No-Pants Day
Aug 25, 2003
24,069
3,221
In my pants
This one time.....

In 2020.....

I tried to convince a bunch of 18-30 year olds that there was a virus that kills people like me who've had pneumonia, multiple punctured and collapsed lungs, and even worse, the wrong blood type.

they told me it was kung flu, and that wearing a mask didn't fit with their instagram profile









barely made it out of that one alive













maybe
 
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boostindoubles

Nacho Libre
Mar 16, 2004
4,442
2,042
Yakistan
Thanks. I was almost a first responder to todays accident but I chose to drive by yesterdays accident scene instead. Then an hour later I unknowingly drove into and through the scene of today's shit while it was being processed.
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
38,622
5,338
Sleazattle
Thanks. I was almost a first responder to todays accident but I chose to drive by yesterdays accident scene instead. Then an hour later I unknowingly drove into and through the scene of today's shit while it was being processed.

I almost ran over 3 guys having a fist fight in the middle of Highway 99 this afternoon.
 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
15,486
2,932
I have no idea where I am
and on that note.......

Oh yeah, well NorCack says howdy.

 

kidwoo

Celebrating No-Pants Day
Aug 25, 2003
24,069
3,221
In my pants
These dumb white cracker sheriff's departments in the rural parts of Californy where I live are doing the same shit.

I don't t remember.......have there been any discussions of the cluelessness of police lately?
 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
15,486
2,932
I have no idea where I am
These dumb white cracker sheriff's departments in the rural parts of Californy where I live are doing the same shit.

I don't t remember.......have there been any discussions of the cluelessness of police lately?
How about cluelessness of lawmakers who are trying to pass legislation to reopen gyms and bars despite soaring, record numbers of cases and despite a Governor who is mandating masks and pressing pause on reopening ?
 

kidwoo

Celebrating No-Pants Day
Aug 25, 2003
24,069
3,221
In my pants
The lasting medical conditions may honestly be the end of this country in 10-20+ years if we reach full retard with infection rates nationally.


So few people get this and still think not dying means healthy and healed.

Defending freedom means defending people's ability to biologically function too.
 

stoney

Part of the unwashed, middle-American horde
Jul 26, 2006
15,498
1,954
Colorado
I'm with dan-o, not enough internet... But it usually involves a bike.
 

eaterofdog

ass grabber
Sep 8, 2006
7,710
834
Central Florida
I lived in Arizona mining towns as a kid. You could find all kinds of crazy shit out there. One day we're up in the mountains and find an old hand dug mine behind some bushes. We make some newspaper torches and explore the tunnels that had absolutely no supports. A short way into the mine, there was a little gallery with several rotting wooden boxes. I get the lids off of them and one had a couple dozen sticks of old old dynamite. On the bottom of the box was a puddle of waxy yellow stuff. Nitro that had seeped out of the dynamite. So I go back home and grab several empty Testors paint bottles, then gently scoop nitro into them and seal them up. Then I stuck them in my pocket and we rode bikes all day. The next day we take the nitro bottles out for some fun times. Throwing them off of the bridge made a hell of a bang. Shooting them with a 22 made people call the cops. Nonstop fun. Eventually we got bored of it and when I went back year later, then mine had caved in.

I should have died like ten times. And I did shit like this constantly. I truly am God's Own Fool.
 

jonKranked

Press Button, Receive Stupid
Nov 10, 2005
61,130
8,002
media blackout
I lived in Arizona mining towns as a kid. You could find all kinds of crazy shit out there. One day we're up in the mountains and find an old hand dug mine behind some bushes. We make some newspaper torches and explore the tunnels that had absolutely no supports. A short way into the mine, there was a little gallery with several rotting wooden boxes. I get the lids off of them and one had a couple dozen sticks of old old dynamite. On the bottom of the box was a puddle of waxy yellow stuff. Nitro that had seeped out of the dynamite. So I go back home and grab several empty Testors paint bottles, then gently scoop nitro into them and seal them up. Then I stuck them in my pocket and we rode bikes all day. The next day we take the nitro bottles out for some fun times. Throwing them off of the bridge made a hell of a bang. Shooting them with a 22 made people call the cops. Nonstop fun. Eventually we got bored of it and when I went back year later, then mine had caved in.

I should have died like ten times. And I did shit like this constantly. I truly am God's Own Fool.
Honorary Florida Man.