so it crept through your face and out your nose?....that's punk rock
Tell a true but embarrassing/rediculous/disgusting story
- Thread starter Buck Fever
- Start date
ok, about 6 -8 years ago this girl buys me a beer at the local bar i hung out at. we had a good time talking and laughing getting to know each other, she is an excersize rider at the local horse track, the season was over and they were all packing up and headed to flordia in the next couple weeks. i ended up going home with her to "just talk" when i got there she had a playgirl on the coffee table i was pretty sure it was a done deal. i spent the night we had a lot of fun.
the next morning she got up at like 4:30 am said she had to go to work and just lock the door on the way out. i go back to sleep for a couple hours wake up and go to the bath room. i sit on the toilet and in front of me is a litter box with like 10 huge piles in it, i started to dry heave the smell was so horrible, there are sh!tty paw prints on the floor and wall, so i get up turn around and drop a steaming pile in the middle of the litter box. i avioded the local watering hole i hung out at for about a month until i was shure she was gone to flordia.
the next morning she got up at like 4:30 am said she had to go to work and just lock the door on the way out. i go back to sleep for a couple hours wake up and go to the bath room. i sit on the toilet and in front of me is a litter box with like 10 huge piles in it, i started to dry heave the smell was so horrible, there are sh!tty paw prints on the floor and wall, so i get up turn around and drop a steaming pile in the middle of the litter box. i avioded the local watering hole i hung out at for about a month until i was shure she was gone to flordia.
Two years ago I sharted at work...wearing white cords...don't need to write an essay about it, but it sucked.
Man that is embarrassing. White cords, really?
when I was younger I was riding in a car coming down a mountain pass after a day of snowboarding. We were chewing and spitting into one 44oz big gulp cup. Needless to say it was more than 3/4 full. A guy driving behind us was making trouble. He was tailgating and trying to make dangerous passes, being an all around ass. Finally after 20 or more minutes of this action we decided to land the big gulp on his hood, at about 60 mph. He had spit covering most of his windshield. I hope he learned his lesson.
i apologize to all of you for how i use to type. i can barely understand what i was trying to say there haha
Ok here's a good one.
It's Halloween my freshman year of college. One of the dorms hosted a most excellent party called Trick or Drink, which was exactly what it sounds like. The dorm in question was sort of motel style, U shaped with open hallways, with rooms opening to an open courtyard area. Each suite of rooms (something like 30 of them in total) made a drink and served small Dixie cups of them. Wasn't much booze in each, but take a couple laps, and you'd be good and ****faced. I head over with some friends, and proceed to take my first lap with them. Sample each and every drink (including pig's blood and vodka
). I decide at this point what I need is a beer. I find a friend in the dorm, and we each grab a beer, which turns into several beers apiece. I'm feeling pretty good at this point. We decide the thing to do is see if I can make a second lap. About half way around I black out. Whether or not I finish the second lap is a matter of some dispute. I seriously doubt it, but my friend swears otherwise. In any case, I'm wasted. The next thing I remember last only the briefest of moments- I'm in some other dorm, with some people I barely know, full shot glass in hand, and I hear a female voice go "one more shot and I think I'll be ready to make out with David (me)." Fade to black again.
Que the next morning. I wake up at about noon in the throes of a crippling hangover. I roll out of bed, and plant one foot on an unidentified cell phone and another on a similarly unfamiliar hat. I also notice that my roommate is not in his bed, which was unusual for him. Given the chance that fvcker would sleep until 4 or 5pm routinely. I pick up the phone, and stumble outside, and immediately run into a friend of mine, who upon seeing me makes a beeline over and asks how I'm doing. I tell him I've been better, and ask if he's got any idea whose phone I should be returning. He laughs, and gives me a name. Turns out it's a freshman girl who lives in the same dorm, but I don't really know. She was at least pretty decent looking. I ask if he knows where she is. He goes "yeah, in her room. With her boyfriend." Well ****. I decide my best option here is to lay low and find her later. No problem. I'm going to go get some food. Head over to the dining hall, and am stumbling around with a tray full of the greasiest **** I can get my hands on, when I see someone heading my way. I summon the energy to open my glazed over eyes fully, and who do I see bearing down on me, but her brother. Who's about 6'4", a swimmer, and lives in my dorm as well. Naturally, I'm concerned at this point. I think if I had had the energy I'd have considered bolting, but in my hungover state, that was pretty much out of the question. He comes up to me, and weirdly, starts asking me about my food. I make the decision that if he's not going to bring his sister up as a topic of conversation, I sure as hell am not going there. I play dumb, say something about my chicken tenders and shuffle off. Don't think I ever spoke to either of them again, except to give her the phone and hat back.
It's Halloween my freshman year of college. One of the dorms hosted a most excellent party called Trick or Drink, which was exactly what it sounds like. The dorm in question was sort of motel style, U shaped with open hallways, with rooms opening to an open courtyard area. Each suite of rooms (something like 30 of them in total) made a drink and served small Dixie cups of them. Wasn't much booze in each, but take a couple laps, and you'd be good and ****faced. I head over with some friends, and proceed to take my first lap with them. Sample each and every drink (including pig's blood and vodka
). I decide at this point what I need is a beer. I find a friend in the dorm, and we each grab a beer, which turns into several beers apiece. I'm feeling pretty good at this point. We decide the thing to do is see if I can make a second lap. About half way around I black out. Whether or not I finish the second lap is a matter of some dispute. I seriously doubt it, but my friend swears otherwise. In any case, I'm wasted. The next thing I remember last only the briefest of moments- I'm in some other dorm, with some people I barely know, full shot glass in hand, and I hear a female voice go "one more shot and I think I'll be ready to make out with David (me)." Fade to black again.Que the next morning. I wake up at about noon in the throes of a crippling hangover. I roll out of bed, and plant one foot on an unidentified cell phone and another on a similarly unfamiliar hat. I also notice that my roommate is not in his bed, which was unusual for him. Given the chance that fvcker would sleep until 4 or 5pm routinely. I pick up the phone, and stumble outside, and immediately run into a friend of mine, who upon seeing me makes a beeline over and asks how I'm doing. I tell him I've been better, and ask if he's got any idea whose phone I should be returning. He laughs, and gives me a name. Turns out it's a freshman girl who lives in the same dorm, but I don't really know. She was at least pretty decent looking. I ask if he knows where she is. He goes "yeah, in her room. With her boyfriend." Well ****. I decide my best option here is to lay low and find her later. No problem. I'm going to go get some food. Head over to the dining hall, and am stumbling around with a tray full of the greasiest **** I can get my hands on, when I see someone heading my way. I summon the energy to open my glazed over eyes fully, and who do I see bearing down on me, but her brother. Who's about 6'4", a swimmer, and lives in my dorm as well. Naturally, I'm concerned at this point. I think if I had had the energy I'd have considered bolting, but in my hungover state, that was pretty much out of the question. He comes up to me, and weirdly, starts asking me about my food. I make the decision that if he's not going to bring his sister up as a topic of conversation, I sure as hell am not going there. I play dumb, say something about my chicken tenders and shuffle off. Don't think I ever spoke to either of them again, except to give her the phone and hat back.
I was about 6 years old standing in Toy's R' Us with my parents. They were shopping and looking around probably with my older sister. I am absolutely GLUED to the SEGA or Nintendo. They come back and ask me what the puddle beneath me is. I had been so focused on winning that game, that I had pee'd myself a nice puddle all over the ground and was standing in it. It sucked, I was embarrassed even though I was young haha.
I'll toss this in as a disgusting story not poo related. And as a warning, I am in no way a lady killer at all, so the fact that this gal was crazed over me is a touch unsettling in itself.
As a junior in highschool I had a female friend that tried desperately to date me. She was nice and good looking and we got along very well. I always thought she was a bit crazy and didn't want to be in on that when there was a chance at landing a mentally stable girl.
One sunny day, I'm cruising around at the skatepark working on some tricks when I get a text telling me to come over for some fun. Whatever, I was 16 and as long as I didn't have to date her I figured what the hell. So I cruise over on my BMX bike, and things go down. I'm plugging away still wearing my nasty sweaty ass knee pads, shin guards and shoes while staring at the walls when I notice a posterboard covered with pictures of me(like a wanna be shrine), as well as a few pictures of her. This kind of freaks me out. I decide to be done and say that I'm worried her parents are going to come home. I go back to riding with a nasty queezy/nauseating feeling in my stomach.
Two weeks later I come to school and one of her friends comes up to me and mentions she's got tattoo of my initials above her axe-wound now and they are concerned that she's depressed that I won't talk to her except for a hello hear and there.
Fast forward 9 years.. I get a call from her that she wants to talk. I say I'm pretty busy. She says that her boyfriend of 5 years and husband of 3 months has left her and she wants to talk. I giggle to myself that he left after 3 months of marriage but agree to meet and offer some support.
I pick her up and quickly take note that 9 years has given her plenty of time to gain wait. She gets in my truck wearing sweats and a sweatshirt(because they fit I suppose) and we go for a drive. She starts talking and before the end of the block, I have my window rolled down for fresh air as it seems her vagina has not seen any in weeks. It reeks in my truck of sweaty uncleaned abused vaginal odor. I try desperately to offer words of advise and ensure that she won't be suicidal dropping her off in the hands of her mother.
Hours later... I get a text asking if I want to meet up for some fun as she had been thinking about me when she has sex with her husband. I give her an excuse about trying to patch things up with an ex and not wanting to ruin it.
I haven't spoken to her since.
As a junior in highschool I had a female friend that tried desperately to date me. She was nice and good looking and we got along very well. I always thought she was a bit crazy and didn't want to be in on that when there was a chance at landing a mentally stable girl.
One sunny day, I'm cruising around at the skatepark working on some tricks when I get a text telling me to come over for some fun. Whatever, I was 16 and as long as I didn't have to date her I figured what the hell. So I cruise over on my BMX bike, and things go down. I'm plugging away still wearing my nasty sweaty ass knee pads, shin guards and shoes while staring at the walls when I notice a posterboard covered with pictures of me(like a wanna be shrine), as well as a few pictures of her. This kind of freaks me out. I decide to be done and say that I'm worried her parents are going to come home. I go back to riding with a nasty queezy/nauseating feeling in my stomach.
Two weeks later I come to school and one of her friends comes up to me and mentions she's got tattoo of my initials above her axe-wound now and they are concerned that she's depressed that I won't talk to her except for a hello hear and there.
Fast forward 9 years.. I get a call from her that she wants to talk. I say I'm pretty busy. She says that her boyfriend of 5 years and husband of 3 months has left her and she wants to talk. I giggle to myself that he left after 3 months of marriage but agree to meet and offer some support.
I pick her up and quickly take note that 9 years has given her plenty of time to gain wait. She gets in my truck wearing sweats and a sweatshirt(because they fit I suppose) and we go for a drive. She starts talking and before the end of the block, I have my window rolled down for fresh air as it seems her vagina has not seen any in weeks. It reeks in my truck of sweaty uncleaned abused vaginal odor. I try desperately to offer words of advise and ensure that she won't be suicidal dropping her off in the hands of her mother.
Hours later... I get a text asking if I want to meet up for some fun as she had been thinking about me when she has sex with her husband. I give her an excuse about trying to patch things up with an ex and not wanting to ruin it.
I haven't spoken to her since.
So after college I was sharing a 3 bedroom apartment with my brother and a friend of ours, Jay. Jay's room was in the middle of the apt right across the living room. One day I ask my brother, who was sitting in the living room, where Jay was but he didn't know.
So i knocked on his bedroom door a few times to no answer, so I decided to open it up. As soon as I opened the door I caught him wearing only a ski mask while flexing in the mirror and spanking it with his other hand. When he realized I caught him, he screeched like a little girl, and I made a similar sound of shock & awe then the door slammed shut.
After a few minutes he comes out of the room trying to say he was going to jump out of the room naked and play some type of prank on us. Our response was, "whatever homo" and we basically made fun of him for the next week or so.
This probably happened about 8 years ago, but I still laugh when I think of how ridiculous that day was.
So i knocked on his bedroom door a few times to no answer, so I decided to open it up. As soon as I opened the door I caught him wearing only a ski mask while flexing in the mirror and spanking it with his other hand. When he realized I caught him, he screeched like a little girl, and I made a similar sound of shock & awe then the door slammed shut.
After a few minutes he comes out of the room trying to say he was going to jump out of the room naked and play some type of prank on us. Our response was, "whatever homo" and we basically made fun of him for the next week or so.
This probably happened about 8 years ago, but I still laugh when I think of how ridiculous that day was.
Years ago I was a delivery driver and I had to make an unscheduled stop at a Navy base. Earlier in the day a customer had given me a little nug and I had it in my pocket unwrapped. When I got to the Navy gate (just post 9/11) there were Marines doing "command vehicle inspections...with dogs". Quickly I swallowed the stash (barely) and got out of the truck while they did their thing. Got through clean but was tripping because I swallowed quite a chunk on a completely empty stomach, which turned out to be fortunate, because I decided to make myself puke it up. I'd never done that intentionally so it took a pencil, a bottle of water, and about 10 minutes, but it came up and in surprisingly good shape. I kept it and put it on the dash to dry out.
Later that night I went to a bonfire party with some friends and my new wife. As the tool went around, I loaded it and started telling the story. Everyone had hit it by the time I got to the punchline. Made for quite the laugh-fest.
But I'm over all that now.
Later that night I went to a bonfire party with some friends and my new wife. As the tool went around, I loaded it and started telling the story. Everyone had hit it by the time I got to the punchline. Made for quite the laugh-fest.
But I'm over all that now.
Bump for holiday cheer / two highly relevant articles this month wrt my pooping tale from Jalopnik:
http://jalopnik.com/i-shat-myself-in-a-lexus-press-car-1658777421
http://jalopnik.com/a-ferrari-a-porsche-and-soiled-pants-the-story-ive-ne-1666673419
http://jalopnik.com/i-shat-myself-in-a-lexus-press-car-1658777421
http://jalopnik.com/a-ferrari-a-porsche-and-soiled-pants-the-story-ive-ne-1666673419
https://www.buzzfeed.com/spenceralthouse/poop-horror-stories-that-are-so-bad-and-funny
Some of these are actually quite amusing.
Some of these are actually quite amusing.
There was a time in my life when the highlight of my day was playing a flash based snowball fight game, on dial up, with a bunch of monkeys.
It happened in Council Bluffs. I had no idea folks back home would find out. I was wrong...
I entered this world through a vagina covered in blood and mucus.
Did your Mom have a Cold?
We're you a cesarian or do you jus not remember your mucus plug?
I am not a cesarian. And I do not remember "my" mucus plug sadly.
I have to believe you'll exit this world the same way.
Not sure if this involves a giant’s vagina, Westy being ground up into Westy-bits, or perhaps both.
Westy sausage exiting vagina left