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Terrible news....ladies opinion requested...

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,622
0
Lynnwood, WA
and I assume a few guys will pipe in. ;)

Fiance' had to have her horse put down a week ago last Sunday. He broke his leg. My fiance is rightfully taking it hard. Jessah (fiance) has had Denny (horse) for over 15 years. All the time growing up.....he was a dear friend for her.

Problem is, I am 3,000 miles away in WA state and she is in Eastern PA. She is back home with family, so I am thankfull for that. I talk to her just about every night for around an hour....but I did that before Denny had to be put down.

Her parents and the place she was boarding Denny at for the last 15 plus years got her a 2yr old horse 6 days after Denny was put down. Jessah didn't handle that very well....she asked them, after running out crying, to take the horse back. She didn't lose a horse to ride, she lost a best friend.

What would you appreciate from your significant other at time like this?

I can't be their in a physical "cry on my shoulder" kind of way, and sending cards or gifts just doesn't seem right. I am there for her when she needs me but she is the type to just hermit when hit with something this big. She would prefer to handle this herself in her own way and does not appreciate the attention being given to her right now. But like anyone who cares about you people want to help in some way, even if the help is not wanted or asked for.

I just feal helpless at this end.

So I am just looking for ideas of what you would like to receive, or have happen after a major loss. I can weed out stuff Jessah probably won't appreciate, but I am pretty stalled out what to do.

1 cool idea Jessah and I came up with is a little locket for her to carry a picture of Denny and a bit of his mane on her and near her heart. I have looked into custom lockets and std ones and then having it engraved.

but I am running out of ideas.

Sorry for the rambling....

Rhino from WA
 

dhjill

Monkey
Feb 26, 2003
205
0
SD Cali
Hey Rhino!

Wow, this sucks. I had horses for many, many years before I discovered cycling, so I know what a special bond exists between Jessah and her horse. Luckily, I never had to put a horse down, but I did have to go through selling horses and it's a similar pain...you really do feel like you lost your best friend.

Jessah sounds a lot like me in the sense that when I'm having some sort of crisis, sometimes I would prefer to be left alone and just deal with it. When too many people try to get involved, it might just piss her off. Just let her know that you understand what a special friend she lost...if she wants to talk, she'll come to you.

I think the locket idea is lovely. I'm sure she has a ton of photos of Denny, so maybe some nice picture frames or photo albums would make a nice way to preserve her memories.

I hope her parents and the kind folks at her boarding stable didn't take the new horse back. She'll come around eventually and want to start riding and being around horses again. Once she feels up to it again, I'm sure she'll appreciate the gesture and have fun forming a new friendship with the 2-year-old.

Those critters do get under your skin...I toy all the time with getting another horse, but I'm smart enough to know that I couldn't have horses and ride bikes. You only have so much time and horses are a big commitment.

I'm sure Tammy will have LOTS of good ideas. She's a former horseperson, too, and had to put her beautiful mare down. I'm sure if she doesn't chime in here, you can PM her for some ideas.

Good luck...
 

tammy

spyderzmom
Oct 10, 2001
226
0
lost
Hi Rhino,

Yes, Jill is correct. I had to have Zakisha put down due to a broken leg (this after enduring two colic surgeries, plus multiple surgeries to try and save the leg, all within a single terrible year). I did in fact keep a lock of her mane which I attached to her stall nameplate, so I think the locket idea is a very sweet one. Some friends of mine also had plaques made with her pictures on them, and her name engraved on them - granted I cried every time I saw them for a long time, but now I am forever grateful to have them. For me personally, anything with Zakisha's picture on it is priceless to me now, so I think the locket with Denny's picture and hair is something very precious that, although it may sadden her now, she will treasure in the long run.

Please give Jessah my best - I can't say this often, but I honestly do know what she is going through now, and if there is anything I can do to help her through this, please let me know.

t
 

TurnerGrl

Monkey
Aug 20, 2002
165
0
Metrowest MA
Oh Rhino, I am so sorry to hear this news. I have never owned a horse but have always loved them. And I can't ever bear to think about the day that I lose my trail dog, Jake. He is always there for me and even going away for a weekend makes me miss him terribly. All I can offer considering the physical distance between the two of you is just to call her as often as possible and let her vent and cry as much as she needs to. Resist the urge to tell her it's going to be okay (even though time will eventually take away some of the sting), and just be there for her. My deepest condolences to her at this time....most animals are better than a lot of people (they've got that whole unconditional love thing down pat!) and it truly is like losing your best friend.

Take care,
Jen
 

Megan Black

I rocked whistler in a mini skirt and f$@* me boot
Jul 28, 2004
762
0
Beaver-town, OR
Hey Rhino-so sorry to hear about your situation. I know nothing of owning horses but reading this thread gave me an idea. On top of getting a locket engraved (which is great, btw), why don't you let her read what other people have said. I think the best place Jessah could be in is with people who understand, who have had that sort of thing happen to them. Maybe you could get a few people to do what they've been doing here-giving their condolences, sharing their own experiences. Then gather them all up and send them to her (via email). She can read them on her own, so she's not pressured to talk with other people and she can also see the effort you've made and your respect for her wishes to be left alone.

I dunno, just an idea, good luck!

p.s. she's lucky to have a great guy like you who would do this for her!
 

TreeSaw

Mama Monkey
Oct 30, 2003
17,669
1,847
Dancin' over rocks n' roots!
That's horrible! While I haven't had a horse, I had to have my childhood dog put down and it was incredibly tough! I think that the locket is a wonderful idea. Perhaps even have a nice picture of her riding Denny framed for her would also be a nice idea.

Good luck and please share our condolences!
 

flatulant_man

Monkey
Jun 19, 2004
396
0
Food Fondlers' Convention
hey rhino, i have had dogs all my life and had to have my first dog put down two years ago, the day after christmas. he was fifteen. i know that when i lost Harpo, i just wanted to remember him. an idea for you is to put together a list of all the things that Denny did for Jessah. how Denny was sweet, how i dunno, stomped his foot when he saw jessah coming or whatever he did. little things. don't let her forget those, cause it hurts when you start to forget. give it to her with the locket, or lock of hair, or a picture of Denny. she might appreciate that

p.s. i love horses too. i have never had one, but i can understand how torn apart Jessah must be.
 

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,622
0
Lynnwood, WA
Thanks everyone.

Kind of a pain finding "the locket" I want for Jessah. :rolleyes: Just constantly looking for something better....more appropriate.
 

s1ngletrack

Monkey
Aug 17, 2004
762
0
Denver
My girlfriend (and I) went through the exact same ordeal about 6 months ago - if you are able to get some of the horses mane (which I assume you already have - there is a place in Creede, CO that will make very nice bracelets / necklaces out of the hair - sounds different, but they look very nice - I don't know the name off-hand, but if this is something you are interested in, PM me and I will get it for you.
 

-BB-

I broke all the rules, but somehow still became mo
Sep 6, 2001
4,254
28
Livin it up in the O.C.
RhinofromWA said:
What would you appreciate from your significant other at time like this?
Buy her a bike and say " This one won't die on you" :devil: :evil:

OK... I'm a bastard...

Get her a nice framed picture of her with her horse.
That should help her out.
 

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,622
0
Lynnwood, WA
s1ngletrack said:
My girlfriend (and I) went through the exact same ordeal about 6 months ago - if you are able to get some of the horses mane (which I assume you already have - there is a place in Creede, CO that will make very nice bracelets / necklaces out of the hair - sounds different, but they look very nice - I don't know the name off-hand, but if this is something you are interested in, PM me and I will get it for you.
The horse is buried already but Jessah took some Denny's mane. I am not assuming much. Do they do other jewelry?

Rhino
 

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,622
0
Lynnwood, WA
-BB- said:
Buy her a bike and say " This one won't die on you" :devil: :evil:

OK... I'm a bastard...

Get her a nice framed picture of her with her horse.
That should help her out.
:nope: :p

I don't look forward to the day I tell her she has run her MTB into the ground and it would be cheaper to buy a brand new one.........

Only "upgrade" she has let me do to her bike is a riser bar and better(still cheapo) flat pedals....other than that it is a stock fully rigid Trek Aluminum bike....I forget which model. Like the $500 one back in 2000 or so. She even rejected the fork I offered her. She like the rigid fork better. *shrug*

A nice frame....I don't have to many pictures in my possesion. :think: I might be able to find something.
 

Velocity Girl

whack-a-mole
Sep 12, 2001
1,279
0
Atlanta
I am so sorry to hear about Jessah's lose. Jason and I both send our consolences.

As for what to do...that can be tough because everyone handles greif in their own way. I think the locket idea is nice, and a nice framed picture (maybe her folks could help you find one). Other than that, I would say just keep being the sweet, supportive guy you've always been and just be ready for her when she's ready to talk about it more. (And extra phone calls, cards, etc here and there to let her know you're thinking about her are always a good idea at a time like this).