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the birds and the bees

LordOpie

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,022
3
Denver
email from my sister...

Dear All, I finally told Michael about "the birds and the bees". He described it as disgusting. Agh, "one person's body inside another person's body is disgusting". He said, "I'm not having any children!" Then, he said, "I know how I can have kids. I'll marry a divorced woman with children.

:D
 
jdcamb

jdcamb

Tool Time!
Feb 17, 2002
20,046
8,767
Nowhere Man!
I'm still confused. Maybe he can call me and explain a few things. Like how many times do you have to hear about her cousins friends sister and how much do I have to spend on the dinner before I can expect sex?? Oh yeah... whats in a cosmopolitan and are there other drinks that have the same effect and are cheaper? I have a bunch of others for him too.....
 
laura

laura

DH_Laura
Jul 16, 2002
6,259
15
Glitter Gulch
my soon to be mother in law is already asking questions about grandkids. i guess she thinks as soon as im married, i'll be prepared to just start popping them out. :dead:
 
SkaredShtles

SkaredShtles

Michael Bolton
Sep 21, 2003
67,785
14,144
In a van.... down by the river
laura said:
my soon to be mother in law is already asking questions about grandkids. i guess she thinks as soon as im married, i'll be prepared to just start popping them out. :dead:
Click to expand...
You did tell her point blank, didn't you? "No f#*%in' way we're having any of those poorly behaved semi-humans around"

M.I.L.'s love honesty like that......


-S.S.-
 
binary visions

binary visions

The voice of reason
Jun 13, 2002
22,162
1,261
NC
Or you could casually mention that the doctor said anything you gave birth to would have an 80% chance of having cloven hooves...
 
stosh

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
22,248
408
NY
laura said:
my soon to be mother in law is already asking questions about grandkids. i guess she thinks as soon as im married, i'll be prepared to just start popping them out. :dead:
Click to expand...
Maybe you should have married someone else... like someone who already has kids.....
 
Jekyll800

Jekyll800

Chimp
Jan 12, 2002
92
0
Connecticut
birds are what communists made, one day some guy was like "ahhh im communist" so he made birds evil


bees are the henchmen of the grim reaper, so when you see bees, think death

so next time you think about telling your kids about the birds and the bees

think about communism and death.
 
Clark Kent

Clark Kent

Monkey
Oct 1, 2001
324
0
Mpls
We had two schools of thought about the baby makin thing... One was that once the man and woman got married, they waited until there was a full moon and then they kissed. The other was that the man and woman would (after getting married of course) go into the bathroom were they would unzip JUST enough to let the genies gain access to each other. Tried both, later on in life, but unmaried...Neither have resulted in fertilization..... What way did you use to think was the road to a baby when you was a youngin?
 
MudGrrl

MudGrrl

AAAAH! Monkeys stole my math!
Mar 4, 2004
3,123
0
Boston....outside of it....
....after being subjected to one too many nature programs, I thought that babies would come out of my ass........


I was very confused.



On another note, my boyfriend's great grandmother has made us a baby blanket.
 
urbanhuckbot

urbanhuckbot

Monkey
May 28, 2004
142
0
you see, when a man and a woman love each other, physically....outside of a bar.....and money exchanges hands.......
 
Spunger

Spunger

Git yer dumb questions here
Feb 19, 2003
2,257
0
805
lol this is the funniest thing.......

I agree you gotta tell kids becuase some pick it up, some are just stupid. When we were in 6th grade, kinda the "girlfriend" stage in junior high, we all knew about sex and the "birds and bees" but one of our buddies mom got him a book on it. We laughed so hard because for us it was common sense, for him it was a whole different type of thing. Thank god after we talked to him, watched some porn, he figured it all out :)

Except for the parts why the girl screams like she's dying.......we had to tell him and we even took the wild guess it was just acting.

My brothers 14, I am 22. I always tell him think with his big head and not his little head. I got introuble when I was in school for thinking with the wrong one 2 different times (1 was a pregnency, one one a girl who lied about her age) but still, I tell everyone that it was a learning experience. I just always told my buddies dont let it happen to them. I was lucky, they may not be so lucky.

Baby makin is easy to do, hard to undo.
 
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