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The irony knows no bounds.

blue

boob hater
Jan 24, 2004
10,166
0
california
This morning I had some errands to run...DMV, groceries, sort out some school stuff, etc, and I went out on my bike. Anyway, I went to Trader Joe's for groceries. As I was unlocking my bike in front of the store to leave (with 40lbs of food in my bag), a hottie asian chica approached me. A moment of terror washed over me, for there is only one reason a cute girl in Santa Cruz approaches me: To get me to join a cause. Apparently she was hawking some blah blah blah save the trees give me money blah blah blah environment blah blah. All very scripted lines. There's a company putting rugrats working for commission on the street for all manner of liberal causes in liberal cities throughout the country. Anyway, the exchange went like this:

girl: "Hey, could you spare a moment for the environment?" ("moment" eventually will translate into $15, from listening to the other girl's schpiel to another victim)

me: *looks down at bike, somewhat confounded* "...um...I'm good, thanks."

girl: "Awww, come on, don't you care about the environment? Can I have just a moment of your time?"

me: *even more confused* "...how did you get here today?"

girl: "In my...oh...wait."

Sheepishly, her eyes pointed towards the ground. I had a brief chortle, and rolled away.
 
Last edited:

reflux

Turbo Monkey
Mar 18, 2002
4,622
2
G14 Classified
I had an interesting exchange a couple weeks back, namely just to show how clueless this lady was.

D.A.R.E. was stationed outside my local Trader Joes. Bastards. I slipped past them on my way in, but a lady cornered me on my way out.
Her: Do you want to help the youth of Orange County?
Me: Umm...yeah, sure. I like to volunteer my time.
Her: For just a few dollars...
Me: (Cutting in) I like to make a greater impact with my time.
Her: (Annoyed for cutting her off) And how do you do THAT?
Me: I'm a Big Brother, you know, Big Brother Big Sisters.
Her: What's that?
Me: [silence]
 

Windowlicker

Monkey
Dec 27, 2007
445
0
Santa Cruz
The other week I was downtown and outside of Starbucks, this girl with a clipboard stopped me and started talking to me about how Starbucks ruins the planet. She started talking to me about it for 10 minutes and she asked me for a donation, I said I didn't have any cash, and I walked by. Me and my friend end up walking by her about 5 times as my friend wanted to get some new clothes and a gift for her mom. The 4th time, clipboard girl saw that I had a bag from Pacific Wave, my friends, and she said, "I thought you didn't have any money?" I looked at her while I was walking by and she flipped me off. The next time we walked by I stopped and offered her 2 dollars to get her to shut up. She refused and said, "Oh sorry, we only take donations of 10 dollars or more." Her donation cup was empty just like it was 3 hours before and ironically, she was drinking a Starbucks coffee.
 

J-Dubs

Monkey
Jul 10, 2006
702
0
Salem, MA
The other week I was downtown and outside of Starbucks, this girl with a clipboard stopped me and started talking to me about how Starbucks ruins the planet. She started talking to me about it for 10 minutes and she asked me for a donation, I said I didn't have any cash, and I walked by. Me and my friend end up walking by her about 5 times as my friend wanted to get some new clothes and a gift for her mom. The 4th time, clipboard girl saw that I had a bag from Pacific Wave, my friends, and she said, "I thought you didn't have any money?" I looked at her while I was walking by and she flipped me off. The next time we walked by I stopped and offered her 2 dollars to get her to shut up. She refused and said, "Oh sorry, we only take donations of 10 dollars or more." Her donation cup was empty just like it was 3 hours before and ironically, she was drinking a Starbucks coffee.

I question the validity of this story
 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
15,304
2,833
I have no idea where I am
I get hit up for money, by panhandlers, just about every day. Last week some dude interrupted me when I was on my cell talking to a friend about setting up a ride. He starts the usual story about how he needs some money for his family or some sh1t, which I've heard a thousand times. The lazy bastard is holding a cell phone and sporting a gold watch and gold earrings. The next time someone interrupts me with their BS scam routine I'm going to tell him to fvck off and go to a pawn shop.

I'm used to getting hit up for money on the street. Both cities that I've lived in for the past 13 years are major Homeless Hubs in the South East. What bothers me the most is the lack of skill in their hustle. So few actually have an original story or scam to run. They just don't have any pride in their craft.
 

jonKranked

Press Button, Receive Stupid
Nov 10, 2005
60,630
7,779
media blackout
When I was in rochester there was one particular homeless dude who was at least honest. He didn't give that family / hard times bit. He'd straight up say "I'm just tryin' to scrounge some change so I can get me a 40". The first time I encountered him I gave him $5 and told him to buy 2, just for being honest.
 

$tinkle

Expert on blowing
Feb 12, 2003
14,591
5
What bothers me the most is the lack of skill in their hustle. So few actually have an original story or scam to run. They just don't have any pride in their craft.
you have to admit, it's difficult to improve on "i'll suck your *** for $5"
 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
15,304
2,833
I have no idea where I am
When I was in rochester there was one particular homeless dude who was at least honest. He didn't give that family / hard times bit. He'd straight up say "I'm just tryin' to scrounge some change so I can get me a 40". The first time I encountered him I gave him $5 and told him to buy 2, just for being honest.
Yup, been there done that too.

I had a guy say to me, " I ain't gonna lie, I just want a drink. "

I do, however, appreciate a good story.
 

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,411
0
SF
I locked my bike around a tree outside a concert. There were several trees on the sidewalk, and all of them had bikes locked to them.

I left the show early and as I was unlocking my bike, two girls passed by and said out loud, "All these bikes are killing the trees."

I responded with, "Come back here, this tree needs a hug."

And after I got my bike unlocked, I rode pass them and asked, "By the way, did you drive here?"
 

Broken_Spoke

Mr. Big Hot Pastrami
Feb 26, 2003
2,410
0
Bozeman, MT
About a month and a half ago my roommate and I were playing basketball. A man walked up silently behind us with a clip board and scared us when we turned around. The conversation went like this.

Clip board guy: Hey guys what are you up to? (my roommate (with basketball in hand) and I look at each other in disbelief)
Me: Oh not too much, how about you?
Clip board guy: Well, (juts out clip board) I am trying to get signatures on this petition so there can be an independent candidate on the ballot.
Roommate: Really? Who? (Possibly one of the most sarcastic tones taken I have ever heard)
Clip board guy: Ralph Nader, have you ever heard of him?
Me: Yup, the old consumer advocate.
Clip board guy: YEAH!! Would you like to sign?
Roommate: (shoots basketball) Nope, not really.

Clip board guy leaves us dejected and head hanging low, but find a girl reading under a tree to berate.
 

Windowlicker

Monkey
Dec 27, 2007
445
0
Santa Cruz
About a month and a half ago my roommate and I were playing basketball. A man walked up silently behind us with a clip board and scared us when we turned around. The conversation went like this.

Clip board guy: Hey guys what are you up to? (my roommate (with basketball in hand) and I look at each other in disbelief)
Me: Oh not too much, how about you?
Clip board guy: Well, (juts out clip board) I am trying to get signatures on this petition so there can be an independent candidate on the ballot.
Roommate: Really? Who? (Possibly one of the most sarcastic tones taken I have ever heard)
Clip board guy: Ralph Nader, have you ever heard of him?
Me: Yup, the old consumer advocate.
Clip board guy: YEAH!! Would you like to sign?
Roommate: (shoots basketball) Nope, not really.

Clip board guy leaves us dejected and head hanging low, but find a girl reading under a tree to berate.
haha Nader :monkeydance:
 

stoney

Part of the unwashed, middle-American horde
Jul 26, 2006
15,376
1,920
Colorado
People never ask me when I am in street clothes. However, when I'm in full suit, it nevers fails that I get 2-3 a day in downtown SF asking me to help the environment... The disparity of solicitation baffles me.
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,153
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
People never ask me when I am in street clothes. However, when I'm in full suit, it nevers fails that I get 2-3 a day in downtown SF asking me to help the environment... The disparity of solicitation baffles me.
I totally sold a guy out to those Greenpeace punks.

I walked out of my office building in downtown and noticed a very nicely dressed gentleman walking with a briefcase. I was walking probably 10 - 15 steps in front of him...As I approached an intersection, two greenpeacers decided that I was their next victim...so they started the spiel..."Hey, wouldn't you like to do something for the environment today??"

And I responded, "Nope, but Gary back there, in the suit, is loaded and he loves lost causes."

Then the no-walkie signal came up and I ran across the street as "Gary" got absolutely accosted by 'em....

I can still hear them..."Gary!!!! How are you today??" "Wha?!? My name's not..." "We want to help the environment today.....blahblahblah..."

Ahhh...good times.
 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
15,304
2,833
I have no idea where I am
I totally sold a guy out to those Greenpeace punks.

I walked out of my office building in downtown and noticed a very nicely dressed gentleman walking with a briefcase. I was walking probably 10 - 15 steps in front of him...As I approached an intersection, two greenpeacers decided that I was their next victim...so they started the spiel..."Hey, wouldn't you like to do something for the environment today??"

And I responded, "Nope, but Gary back there, in the suit, is loaded and he loves lost causes."

Then the no-walkie signal came up and I ran across the street as "Gary" got absolutely accosted by 'em....

I can still hear them..."Gary!!!! How are you today??" "Wha?!? My name's not..." "We want to help the environment today.....blahblahblah..."

Ahhh...good times.
:clapping:
 

ridetoofast

scarred, broken and drunk
Mar 31, 2002
2,093
0
crashing at a trail near you...
for those that have been panhandled you'll LOVE this one...
i live in a town that previously only had a blinking light (to give you perspective of size) so i when i moved out there i thought i got AWAY from these lazy fvcks.
one day i was at the local convenience store and i make the mistake of making eye contact with a bum so he promptly zeroes in and starts his line.
i quickly say i don't have any money and he sees that i'm paying with my bank card (que drum roll) the ballszy bastard asked me to put his cigarettes ON MY CARD!!!
obviously i said no and the owner of the store chases him off.
 

tunnelvision

Monkey
Oct 25, 2007
101
0
I love the honest ones. Awhile back my work was having drive back and forth from Orlando to Daytona. Well on the way home I would take the state road 50 exit off of I-4 essentialy placing you downtown Orlando. Every day a new bum would be standing on the corner most of there signs simply said "homeless please help" or something similar. The more creative ones I saw said things like "spider bite, need money for medications" almost believable a handfull of people gave him some cash. The best one though was a guy probably in his 30's standing there with a huge sh!t eating grin on his face, I could see it 20 cars away so I was really curious as to why he was so happy, well once I got closer and witnessed almost every car infront of me hand over cash I read his sign and it simply said "need money for beer, atleast I am honest :)". yes it even had a smiley face. I didnt have any change on me so I couldnt help him out, all I could do was laugh. I am sure the guy made a killing that day.


+++++
 

$tinkle

Expert on blowing
Feb 12, 2003
14,591
5
I love the honest ones. Awhile back my work was having drive back and forth from Orlando to Daytona. Well on the way home I would take the state road 50 exit off of I-4 essentialy placing you downtown Orlando. Every day a new bum would be standing on the corner most of there signs simply said "homeless please help" or something similar. The more creative ones I saw said things like "spider bite, need money for medications" almost believable a handfull of people gave him some cash.
it's no wonder fark has a FL tag for their threads
 

drkenan

anti-dentite
Oct 1, 2006
3,443
0
west asheville
I was once waiting in traffic on a road in the commercial side of town (with all the chain restaurants and malls where the rednecks go to eat/shop) and there was some dude on the side of the road holding a sign that just said "WWGD."

I thought it was hilarious, seeing as GD normally means completely opposite of what he was trying to convey. And the rednecks were handing him money hand over fist.
 

j.les

Monkey
Jul 21, 2007
475
0
Chicago
About a month and a half ago my roommate and I were playing basketball. A man walked up silently behind us with a clip board and scared us when we turned around. The conversation went like this.

Clip board guy: Hey guys what are you up to? (my roommate (with basketball in hand) and I look at each other in disbelief)
Me: Oh not too much, how about you?
Clip board guy: Well, (juts out clip board) I am trying to get signatures on this petition so there can be an independent candidate on the ballot.
Roommate: Really? Who? (Possibly one of the most sarcastic tones taken I have ever heard)
Clip board guy: Ralph Nader, have you ever heard of him?
Me: Yup, the old consumer advocate.
Clip board guy: YEAH!! Would you like to sign?
Roommate: (shoots basketball) Nope, not really.

Clip board guy leaves us dejected and head hanging low, but find a girl reading under a tree to berate.
Heh, same thing happened to me at the Tour de Fat. Except the clipboard guy was a stereotypical fixie hipster, and I told him to go fvuck himself.

Keep em coming, I love these stories.
 

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,411
0
SF
About a month and a half ago my roommate and I were playing basketball. A man walked up silently behind us with a clip board and scared us when we turned around. The conversation went like this.

Clip board guy: Hey guys what are you up to? (my roommate (with basketball in hand) and I look at each other in disbelief)
Me: Oh not too much, how about you?
Clip board guy: Well, (juts out clip board) I am trying to get signatures on this petition so there can be an independent candidate on the ballot.
Roommate: Really? Who? (Possibly one of the most sarcastic tones taken I have ever heard)
Clip board guy: Ralph Nader, have you ever heard of him?
Me: Yup, the old consumer advocate.
Clip board guy: YEAH!! Would you like to sign?
Roommate: (shoots basketball) Nope, not really.

Clip board guy leaves us dejected and head hanging low, but find a girl reading under a tree to berate.
You know, there is really nothing ironic about this story. A dude who believes in Nader asks for you to sign a petition, probably to get him on the ballot, and you told him to piss off?

I don't think he was being a jerk-off, unless you think standing on a corner waiting for abuse is obnoxious.