[jdcamb]

I ran into a girl I had a one nightstand with 12 years ago. I was bent over cleaning my front yard when her dog came over to me and offered his tennis ball to me. Her dog was pup when I knew her. I swear to god I tried to call her and her roommate never left a message for her. She looks good though.

 

[Da Peach]

I ran into a girl I had a one nightstand with 12 years ago. I was bent over cleaning my front yard when her dog came over to me and offered his tennis ball to me. Her dog was pup when I knew her. I swear to god I tried to call her and her roommate never left a message for her. She looks good though.

can't blame her for not remembering. I'm sure she was quite drunk.

 

[jdcamb]

can't blame her for not remembering. I'm sure she was quite drunk.

She was drunk and I was too. But she remembered me smart ass. We are going to the driving range tomorrow or Wednesday. Her parents are members of the only course I haven't played in Rochester.

 

[Da Peach]

Good euphemism.

 

[eric strt6]

She was drunk and I was too. But she remembered me smart ass. We are going to the driving range tomorrow or Wednesday. Her parents are members of the only course I haven't played in Rochester.

remember to ask permission before playing the back nine

 

[DirtyMike]

remember to ask permission before playing the back nine

What? You don't want to experience the Screaming dolphin?

 

[gonefirefightin]

My new GF just sent me a book of tantric sex...........I am liking this one

 

[eric strt6]

Oy gevult.. just did 15 hours of on-line EMS CE's over the past two days to suppliment the 9 hours I already had completed, plus doing the EMT Manipulative Skills test on Saturday . All that's left is to pay my fees to the county on Tuesday and I am good to go as an EMT for another two years.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

My coffee maker has risen from the dead.

 

[stevew]

What? You don't want to experience the Screaming dolphin?

i prefer to call it "rodeo"....

 

[eric strt6]

i prefer to call it "rodeo"....

no thats when you say " damn you're almost as tight as your sister" and see if you can hang in there for another 10 seconds

 

[baca262]

i recommend you end with the donkey punch/tony danza variation.

 

[MMike]

I skied both days this weekend. I can't remember the last time I did that. I am very sore.

 

[$tinkle]

"step on a crack; break your momma's back" should be changed to "step on a crack; spend all your waking days tending to her personal hygiene issues & live with the guilt that she reminds you of hourly how she's now effectively a widow with dashed needs, hopes, dreams, etc., and a limbaugh-level of oxycontin addiction & this could have all been avoided if you'd just mind the crack...jerk"

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

"step on a crack; break your momma's back" should be changed to "step on a crack; spend all your waking days tending to her personal hygiene issues & live with the guilt that she reminds you of hourly how she's now effectively a widow with dashed needs, hopes, dreams, etc., and a limbaugh-level of oxycontin addiction & this could have all been avoided if you'd just mind the crack...jerk"

My parents were thoughtful enough to request I Kevorkian them before it gets to that point.

 

[bdamschen]

This slacks/underpants combination is not working out. Must remember for next time.

 

[Da Peach]

I washed my fob.

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

I washed my fob.

Not a bad idea considering how many people wind up fingering your fob over the years.

 

[jdcamb]

I had to work with the most obnoxiously racist individual I have ever met today. He saw a bus full of black children and cut them off joyously. I argued with him for 4 hours denying that the president was black. I had him all up in arms over my argument that we could never elect an African American president because it's in the Constitution.

His Mom delivers him his lunch to whatever site we are at, it's almost a perverse level of love his mother has for him. She is just as racist also. She offered to make me lunch for $4 a day. I said no. He popped the clutch on the truck backing it into a loading dock and then blamed the dock manager for the lift being broken. I told him on the ride home he has until tomorrow to make it right. I hate working with him because he such an awful Human being. Next month we get 58 containers full of wheels of cheese. The wheels are super fragile and have to be handled by hand, and palletized for distribution. Racist Hank was volunteered to be the lead on the job and I pick the Labor ready candidates Friday. I estimated it will take 2 months to get everything out the doors. Pay backs are a bitch.

 

[stevew]

hmmmm......

 

[baca262]

His Mom delivers him his lunch to whatever site we are at, it's almost a perverse level of love his mother has for him. She is just as racist also.

get that cunt fired. i absolutely love the mom guys - i have a acquaintance who went to college this year, his mom calls him some 10 times a day to see if he ate, what he ate and ****. it's ridiculous. he even got her a skype acc and a webcam and he finds this perfectly normal. ugh

 

[jdcamb]

Take a bag of Corn chips and a magnifying glass. Dump the chips on the ground in a safe spot. Burn the chips until they light. Amaze yourself at the resulting inferno.

 

[JohnE]

Saw a "Reject racism" shirt in a Tel Aviv mall once...laughed inside at the irony. Not too loudly, but laughed all the same.

 

[DirtyMike]

Had a customer come in today carrying a new strut, a spring, and what was left of the strut mount.

He was also sporting a nice colorbone support brace, and 30 plus stiches in his chin along with some cool wires holding his jaw shut.

Its not rocket science, but if you dont know what your doing it can still try and kill you. What a sight to see coming back from vacation.

 

[insanitylevel9]

ride monkey so slow today......

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

I'm not sure how much less I would love The Big Bang Theory if Kaley Cuoco wasn't on it. Probably a good amount.

 

[jdcamb]

We moved a crated grand Piano up 10 half flights of stairs into a conservatory. A Steinway Model A 795lbs. It was fun....

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

In the cafeteria at work, there was a cardboard box full of 40-50 metal clothes hangers and a sign on it that said "free".......I was going to write "abortions" under it but it probably wouldn't be the best career move.

 

[ICEBALL585]

I effing love ice cream.

 

[jdcamb]

I effing love ice cream.

It turns out Corn Nuts are not very good as a topping.

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

Sweep picking is a fvcking bitch to get good at. Gah.

 

[insanitylevel9]

In the cafeteria at work, there was a cardboard box full of 40-50 metal clothes hangers and a sign on it that said "free".......I was going to write "abortions" under it but it probably wouldn't be the best career move.

i dont know what funnier the abortions joke or the fact there was a box of metal coat hangers just chilling there.

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

It was super random, that's for sure.

 

[insanitylevel9]

no one in my town can drive holly hell, there has been at minimum 2 crashes a week this whole year so far.... most of which are girls who "are not on the phone" on a dead strait road steering into a tree on the other side of the road.

 

[sstalder5]

no one in my town can drive holly hell, there has been at minimum 2 crashes a week this whole year so far.... most of which are girls who "are not on the phone" on a dead strait road steering into a tree on the other side of the road.

Seriously high school kids these days cannot drive. This kid that goes to my old school totalled a perfectly good tacoma because he "lost control" on a perfectly straight road.

 

[insanitylevel9]

Seriously high school kids these days cannot drive. This kid that goes to my old school totalled a perfectly good tacoma because he "lost control" on a perfectly straight road.

i would kill to own that truck .... this is my friends civic after a 75mph run in with a tree

but in all seriousness im buy no means a experienced driver but come on people is it really that hard?

 

[ICEBALL585]

^^^^^^^^

Damn kids now a days

 

[eric strt6]

Nothing more creepy that rolling up to a house and remembering that the prevous time you knocked on the door you found the previous occupant deceased on the bedroom floor. Happily that was not the case with the current resident.

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

Nothing more creepy that rolling up to a house and remembering that the prevous time you knocked on the door you found the previous occupant deceased on the bedroom floor. Happily that was not the case with the current resident.

Did you tell them that to freak them out?

 

[insanitylevel9]

^^^^^^^^

Damn kids now a days

Kid went to school the next day