[gonefirefightin]

got thrown out of a casino last night... apparently I completely misunderstood the crap table





In a recent survey into blowjobs and why men liked them so much, 6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitement and 82% just liked the ****ing silence

 

[gonefirefightin]

I can't think of anything worse than waking up next to someone & not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead

 

[gonefirefightin]

decided to burn some calories today so i set a fat kid on fire





You might be a redneck if : the Halloween pumpkin on you porch has more teeth than your spouse

 

[lovebunny]

why cant i stop listening to faith no more?!

 

[gonefirefightin]

love that relaxing feeling of standing on a bridge, overlooking the calm water in the moonlight.....and watching the bodies of those who pissed me off sink to the bottom...

 

[4xBoy]

I am fifty pounds heavier then I was in my profile pic.

 

[gonefirefightin]

You know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree, and then realize it was just your air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror

 

[Leppah]

I want to buy a slug bug.

 

[Leppah]

Do they eat american fish in Sweden?

 

[gonefirefightin]

i know I've had a good night out when i wake up and someones out lining me in chalk

 

[gonefirefightin]

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship


Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sammich


Crowded elevators smell different to midgets


I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness

 

[Racebike]

Do they eat american fish in Sweden?

No, we either eat domestic or naturalized, so even if they heir from the states, they will be nordic when we grill 'em. NOM

 

[Da Peach]

my shoulder feels like chewing strawberry jam

 

[MMike]

Am I REALLY the only one that notices that Riahna is completely tone deaf? Even with auto tune, she is off key.

 

[Racebike]

Must be all the lip gloss...

 

[TN]

why cant i stop listening to faith no more?!

It's in your face but you can't grab it.

 

[cecil]

i'm not alright, i'm half left..

 

[gonefirefightin]

If Pericles is pronounced [per-i-kleez] and Sophocles is [sof-o-kleez] why isn't Testicles [tes-ti-kleez]?

 

[MMike]

I finally got my new battery for my laptop.

 

[Da Peach]

I finally got my new battery for my laptop.

now you need a webcam and skype

 

[chicodude]

I was wearing a white forestry helmet today teaching at a mock MCI, More than one person thought I was a PGE lineman

 

[JohnE]

If someone is described as a "terrible masturbator", does that mean they are no good at it?

 

[TN]

I think I can feel my blood pressure rising after eating a bowl of chips & rotel dip.
yep. I can feel it.

 

[jasride]

Why is it that many Jocks in their lifetime finally turn into hippies or spiritual wannabees but you never see Hippies turning into Jocks?!?!

 

[MMike]

One of the funniest things I've ever seen. We have a fair amount of snow out. We have a little shih tzu (however you spell that). Snow is deeper than he is tall. It's -12F out. He was struggleing his way through the snow to go take a dump. In order to arrange himself in the snow, he was actually standing on his hind legs only while he was evacuating. Never seen a dog do that before. It was a little weird.

 

[johnbryanpeters]

The bridge will fall into Lake Champlain 12/23.

 

[skinny mike]

The bridge will fall into Lake Champlain 12/23.

so they're going to blow it up?

i hope they get a replacement in soon, otherwise heading over to the dacks is going to be a pain in the ass.

 

[gonefirefightin]

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend

And I had been dating for over a year, and so we

Decided to get married. There was only one

Little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful

Younger sister.


My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very

Tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She

Would regularly bend down when she was near

Me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to

Be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was

Near anyone else.


One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to

Come over to check the wedding invitations. She was

Alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she

Had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't

Overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once

Before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if

You want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'


I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go

Up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned

And made a beeline straight to the front door. I

Opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing

Outside, all clapping!


With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and

Said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our

Little test. We couldn't ask for a better

Man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

 

[johnbryanpeters]

so they're going to blow it up?

i hope they get a replacement in soon, otherwise heading over to the dacks is going to be a pain in the ass.

Yeah, they're discouraging spectators, but I'll try...

 

[gonefirefightin]

me and the kid just got done watching the flintstones christmas and just realized.....dinosaurs were before christ, thus there would have been no christmas during the flintstones. wtf hollywood?

 

[gonefirefightin]

Dear Santa last year u gave me a sweater for Xmas. This year I would really like a screamer or a moaner...

 

[boogenman]

why does mmike think missy giove is attractive?

 

[IH8Rice]

i hate it when people have those stick figures of themselves and their families on their gargantuan vehicle. what you should do is move out of my f-ing way when im driving

 

[dan-o]

This thread reminds me of twitter. It also reminds me of why I hate twitter.

 

[uzziman]

Its creepy to find that one of your friend matches on eHarmony is an old high school teacher i had

 

[biggins]

doesnt want to get the H1N1 shot...but is going to anyway.

 

[IH8Rice]

Its creepy to find that one of your friend matches on eHarmony is an old high school teacher i had

your gym teacher?

 

[uzziman]

your gym teacher?

HA! I wish, she was 23 and smoking hot.

 

[gonefirefightin]

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

 

[skinny mike]

my brain hurts...