The main issue is you're bitching about not being able to go skiing.
Well, not MAIN issue. Main issue is you're an asshole, apparently.
The RM AITA thread...
- Thread starter JohnE
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Well, not MAIN issue. Main issue is you're an asshole, apparently.
Ok, what is the main issue? That I don’t think counting sick days 1:1 is fair when one of us works full time and the other works part time, for part of the year?
I saw it.
I get it, they aren't effectively paying the bills. But there are a lot of ways that having a job provides value to the job-haver, and I don't feel as if you're acknowledging that or considering it in your mental calculation.
It's the unfortunate reality that your fun will continue to take a backseat to a sick child and a wife with a job. That doesn't seem very surprising to me.
"Take a day off to watch our sick child so I can go skiing" is an okay thing to ask, it's not an okay thing to demand and get upset over. By getting upset, you're basically saying that, since her job doesn't pay the bills, it ranks behind your plan to have fun.
I'd like to gently point out here how rudely dismissive your comments on her job continue to sound.
I get it, they aren't effectively paying the bills. But there are a lot of ways that having a job provides value to the job-haver, and I don't feel as if you're acknowledging that or considering it in your mental calculation.
Yes. Congratulations? You doing an equal amount of accommodation is expected, not noteworthy, and your reward isn't a ski trip.
It's the unfortunate reality that your fun will continue to take a backseat to a sick child and a wife with a job. That doesn't seem very surprising to me.
"Take a day off to watch our sick child so I can go skiing" is an okay thing to ask, it's not an okay thing to demand and get upset over. By getting upset, you're basically saying that, since her job doesn't pay the bills, it ranks behind your plan to have fun.
Bottom line: ignoring all the other issues and details surrounding this - if your kid is sick, you don't go off and have fun. Period.
Ok, I guess the consensus is that IATA here, in part because you all fixated on the skiing bit of it. Fair enough. Optics not good for that. 
Am I also the asshole, skiing out of the equation, to expect that she would more readily take sick time than I would? Or because of the intrinsic value to her of her job, I should make my co-workers come in and cover for me?
Am I also the asshole, skiing out of the equation, to expect that she would more readily take sick time than I would? Or because of the intrinsic value to her of her job, I should make my co-workers come in and cover for me?
Your coworkers have to cover for your ski day, no?
How does $15k/month in child support sound like? Especially if her lawyers sniff out this thread.
Not really—this was a non-clinical day that’s built into how we are staffed. I converted it to sick time.
I'm confused.....I thought instead of not being at work to go skiing, you are now not going to work to watch sick kid?
At the end of the day if you didn't come to an agreement in advance about her taking time off when the kids are sick, then I think you forfeit any right to be pissed here.
The only thing that matters is the two of you coming to an agreement. Right or wrong, if you want a peaceful and happy partnership, you guys are going to have to talk this out and decide what each of you can live with. I don't think you're an asshole for having the opinion that your job is harder to take unscheduled time off from and is your primary source of income, but it's wrong to assume that's the only piece that matters.
Neither one of you is the asshole for having an opinion, only for assuming yours is the one that matters. You don't get to expect that she takes time off more readily. You get to talk to her about it.
I wasn’t on the clinical schedule either way. By converting this to sick time it’s just accounted for differently. No one was expecting me to work today in either case so their schedule was unaffected.
Does not compute to me.
Ok, fair enough. I guess we need to talk these situations out with more detail.
For this week we decided on Sunday that it’d be easier for me to care for the kid Monday, Tuesday I was inflexible (as I have a conference that other co-workers find to be stressful due to its pace), Wednesday we basically tag teamed it. Thus the strife over Thursday.
About 1 day of 5 weekdays I’m not on the clinical schedule. Instead I’m on nebulous academic time, for which I’m supposed to show some academic output over the course of the year, since I’m faculty at the med school etc.
if I call in sick on a day I’m on service then someone covers for me. If I call in sick on a day I was originally academic, then no one covers for me. Just some Excel spreadsheet somewhere notes that I took 8 hours sick time instead of academic.
So at no point did a coworker have to unexpectedly cover for you Thursday, correct? I thought the whole basis for your argument and why you thought you were "right" was it being unfair/inconvenient to have someone cover for you to care for sick kid, as that was the only option if wife didn't take the day off?
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again IMO
You're right that your time is more important as a doctor
You're right that her job is less important and sounds more flexible
You're right that she should probably take more time off to take care of the kids.
You are still wrong to take the day off and put this on her.
My suggestion would be to let her work, change your plans and have a great day with the kid, shitpost a bunch on ridemonkey, wait a month, then have an honest conversation about asking her to pick up more of the childcare duties so you can support the family more effectively. I won't lie though, I have zero idea how you ask her to pick up more childcare responsibilities so you can go skiing without sounding like an asshole....none at all. I feel like even if my wife was a SAHM and we had a sick kid, she'd still be pissed if I fucked off instead of helped clean up the barf.
You're right that your time is more important as a doctor
You're right that her job is less important and sounds more flexible
You're right that she should probably take more time off to take care of the kids.
You are still wrong to take the day off and put this on her.
My suggestion would be to let her work, change your plans and have a great day with the kid, shitpost a bunch on ridemonkey, wait a month, then have an honest conversation about asking her to pick up more of the childcare duties so you can support the family more effectively. I won't lie though, I have zero idea how you ask her to pick up more childcare responsibilities so you can go skiing without sounding like an asshole....none at all. I feel like even if my wife was a SAHM and we had a sick kid, she'd still be pissed if I fucked off instead of helped clean up the barf.
I was explaining why I didn’t call in sick on Monday or for (half of) Wednesday, instead both working and watching kid, burning the candle at both ends.
in the eternally wise words of @Pesqueeb "you're not wrong, you're just an asshole"
I wanna call out how rude this statement is to the rest of us. No, not "in part because we fixated on the skiing bit of it", but in whole because you were acting like your viewpoint, your job, your opinion, your needs, and you being 'right' are the only things that should matter here. This ain't about "optics", Doc. We are not the reason (not even in part) that your behavior here can be seen as "being the asshole" — your behavior is the reason.Ok, I guess the consensus is that IATA here, in part because you all fixated on the skiing bit of it. Fair enough. Optics not good for that.
Yeah well, to be honest I think you've been kind of a know-it-all bully around here lately and it's wearing a bit thin on me.
Of course you don't.
Besides, the point of my post wasn't about you taking the day off or not and who's viewpoint matters. The point is that by asserting part of the reason the "consensus is that (Y)ATA here" is because of something we did i.e. "fixated on the skiing part", you're shifting part of the responsibility and onus for that consensus away from yourself. And that sucks, don't do that.
Peoples, please air your specific grievances with me as of late here. Besides go karting—already covered that and is now unmentionable. Except here.
I don’t think I’ve been too obnoxious in the AT thread, but perhaps I’m just entirely miscalibrated these days. I did make a jimmydean rollover joke, I suppose… is it because I snapped at Jon after he mean spiritedly made fun of me for still being fat? (which I most admittedly am.)
I don’t think I’ve been too obnoxious in the AT thread, but perhaps I’m just entirely miscalibrated these days. I did make a jimmydean rollover joke, I suppose… is it because I snapped at Jon after he mean spiritedly made fun of me for still being fat? (which I most admittedly am.)
You came here asking AITA and you didn't like the consensus answer you got even after you tried to explain yourself. That should probably tell you something.
It seems you eventually did the right thing here, but grudgingly. You need to either accept the situation for what it is or, if you still feel you're right, deal with it head on by talking it out with your wife. Otherwise it will just simmer and eventually boil over.
Bottom line is that you both probably could use more time off. But you chose to have kids and essentially give up your individual needs for a long time. Good luck taking the position that you deserve more personal time because of the job she chose.
It seems you eventually did the right thing here, but grudgingly. You need to either accept the situation for what it is or, if you still feel you're right, deal with it head on by talking it out with your wife. Otherwise it will just simmer and eventually boil over.
Bottom line is that you both probably could use more time off. But you chose to have kids and essentially give up your individual needs for a long time. Good luck taking the position that you deserve more personal time because of the job she chose.
re: the karting thing. i was only being a dick there because you had dug your heels in on it, despite being correct by others with notably more experience. you were right i was a bit harsh, but you were unnecessarily stubborn.