The Web Monkey Speaks: Murder He Rode


Sep 21, 2012
Just how many times have I ruined mountain biking for newbies? How many times have I taken people out for "easy" rides that absolutely chewed them up and spat them out? Way too many, if I'm going to be honest with myself. Ed isn't the first person who's wondered whether puking was supposed to be an integral part of one of my "fun rides".

The Web Monkey Speaks: Murder He Rode


May 27, 2013
Took a guy on an "easy" black diamond trail a week ago. He did great! Havnt heard from him since then. He did mention something about his arms hurting half way through the ride.


Turbo Monkey
Jan 16, 2005
Talked one of my moto buddies into picking up a bike..found him a killer deal on a used AM bike and he was stoked to ride. After a week or two of texting back and forth talking about how he can't wait to shred and me telling him how sick that new Pike is gonna feel, his bike finally showed up. He's fast on a moto so I figured he would be good to go, he might struggle the first few rides but he would pick it up quick.

We invited him along for our usual Saturday morning group ride, a fun trail that we usually ride at a moderate pace compared to the typical solo hammer fests I do during the week.

The ride starts with about 1200' of pavement climbing before it hits the dirt and gets steep and punchy. I figured he would get his legs warmed up on the pavement and the ripping descent would make it all worth it.

Leaving the truck I had a rare issue with my derailleur so I told them to go ahead while I fixed it. Less than five minutes later I was hard on the pedals trying to catch up. As I rounded the second or third turn the first climb came into view. Someone appeared to be lying sprawled out on the side of the road, half in the dirt, half in the street. As I got closer I saw that it was my newbie buddy.

Immediately I felt a sense of panic thinking he had been hit by a car judging by how is bike and body were strewn across the ground. When I got to him I was happy to see that he wasn't bloodied but was instead dry heaving uncontrollably next to a puddle of of his own bile. He embarrassingly told me to continue on without him, that he would be ok and he would just head back to his truck. I felt a little guilty leaving him behind but I really didn't want to miss out on a shred session with my other buddies.

Fast forward a few months and his new to him 2500$ All Mnt steed has sat unused since, the shiny new Pike collecting dust as we speak. I feel a little bad having talked him into the purchase in the first place and then almost killing him on the first ride. Unfortunately I think I scared him off, the only upside being that someone will probably get a killer deal on a new ride in the near future. (Hopefully he doesn't read this)


Mar 27, 2014
I am far from fit but I can make up for my fitness with technique. Newbies don't have any of the necessary techniques. They don't know how to manage their power output to survive the ride. They don't know what gear to use to get the right cadence. They don't know how to ride light over obstacles to save their strength or pump a roller for extra speed. These techniques make the ride easier for the experienced rider and not knowing them robs the energy of the newbie.

It's like riding a pump track for the first time. At first its rough and a struggle then you figure out how to build speed without pedaling.