[mantispf2000]

So as many of you know, I won a trip to Italy to ride in the Prosecco Cycling Classic. We're all set, fly to LAX, then, as we're boarding the plane for our flight to Italy, wife has the mother of all anxiety attacks/nervous breakdowns, runs off the plane, has the sweats/shakes, and we end up not going. No way am I going to leave her at LAX and go alone. After all, it was to also be a celebration of our 14th anniversary.

At first, I'm showing complete support in her decision not to go. Then, as the days go on and we're trying to make the most of it in Vegas (don't ask), I'm becoming more and more resentful/angry/depressed I wasn't there. All the work done by the sponsors of the event for us could have been used by someone else. I have guilt, and I don't like it at all. After all, how many times may this happen in the future, and can I even bother going on a long trip with wife if it involves flying?

As the saying goes, this is a week of my life I can't get back, yet I really am disgusted in myself with my feelings towards my wife. Maybe it's because I was also hoping to come back with some sand from Venice to leave with Alaina?

Oh, what a turd I am.................

 

[DirtyMike]

My thoughts.... as much as you are disgusted and upset..... Look through her eyes..... You know she feels worse than you do, and is beating herself up inside........

**** the trip.... You did right when you stood by your wife, Who cares if someone else could have gone... Fact is you stood by your wife....

Dont be resentfull.... You still got to spend a week with someone you love..... Being resentfull puts you were I am right now.... On the road to divorce.... On the road to no recovery..... On the road of being disgusted with yourself for no longer being able to forgive.....

 

[sstalder5]

You definitely did the right thing. I like the way DirtyMike put it. But IMO fear of flying is one of the most irrational fears ever. Its like being scared you're going to get struck by lightning..

 

[jonKranked]

agreed with the above.

I have an irrational fear of pumping up road bike tires. anything that narrow and above 80psi gives me the heebie jeebies

 

[eaterofdog]

Well that sucks.

 

[Pesqueeb]

It is irrational, that doesn't make it any less real. I see it fairly regularly @ work so its not like she's the only one. I'd be peeved too, but you did the right thing.

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

Try it now!

 

[Mr Jones]

Go to Bootleg Canyon and ride it off. I agree with Dirty... good on you for standing by your woman. I'm sure Alaina approves of that.

 

[rockofullr]

Dude!

You're in Vegas. It could be much worse. Make the most of it.

 

[sanjuro]

Could be worse, Amanda Knox.

 

[HAB]

I have an irrational fear of pumping up road bike tires. anything that narrow and above 80psi gives me the heebie jeebies

Oh awesome. Now I'm going to perforate the bead on one of the tires on your road bike so when you get it up to pressure it explodes.

 

[jonKranked]

Oh awesome. Now I'm going to perforate the bead on one of the tires on your road bike so when you get it up to pressure it explodes.

i will so knife you in the face

 

[DirtMcGirk]

When I was married my ex-wife was in the Navy. We moved all the time, which messed with my professional life along with a much desired need to "put down roots" anywhere after Katrina.

I began to blame her for a lot of things, to really resent the person I was supposed to love the most. After a time, that resentment just became outright and unmitigated anger. I was angry at her. I hated the Navy. I hated her family for not helping her in med school so she didn't have to join the Navy. I was angry at New Orleans. I was angry at God. I was just plain angry.

After a time, that anger became madness. I wanted blood, and by the gallon, for all the slights and perceived wrongs that had been hoisted on me. I wanted the heads of the joint chiefs of staff for having this war. Nothing could console me.

So as a lot of you know, I turned heavily to drink. I was plastered a lot of the time, and when we moved to Washington, I made the mistake of not standing with my wife. I chose instead to live in Seattle while she lived up on Whidbey Island. We'd see each other on the weekends, and it was great, life was a party, but just under that surface calmly smoothed by Wild Turkey, I was still angry.

What I didn't understand until after I put her on the plane to Afghanistan was how unhappy she was because of how unhappy and ultimately insane I was. I found her journals, which I believe she left in an easy to find place, and I read them. Turns out she had to, on a daily basis, talk herself out of killing herself with the gun I had bought her for graduating from flight school. This was a daily thing because of me. The person I loved most wanted to end her life because of how unhappy I was.

The day after Thanksgiving she told me how unhappy she was and that she wanted out. I tried everything I could to reform, to bring her back, to show her I was who she married all those years ago. It was too late, she was gone, the love we had was gone, and in a lot of ways the man I was at 23 was gone.

And all of that started as a seedling in resentment. I was stupid. I was prideful. I was arrogant. I forgot the idea that "a man has to put his wife before everything in his life, including himself." I got so butt hurt over the wrongs I thought had been forced on me by our following of her star that I ended up really wrecking everything.

She got remarried in May. Hopefully she chose better this time.

So if you don't wanna be like me, find some catharsis or some peace with the decision you made. If you really love her, that crazy ass "balls to bones" sort of love that is so illusive in this day and age, then "suck it up princess." You made the right choice. It might suck now, and its a bitter little cunt of a pill to swallow, but sometimes being "a man" means having to do things that suck, and doing them with a **** eating grin.

You have a woman who loves you. Tell her you understand, that you're not mad, and that you'd do it again in a heart beat if you had to.





then use it for the rest of your life to get guilt based BJ's...

 

[mantispf2000]

With all the sarcasm, with all the eye gouging, with all the rectal thermometer comments, it is replies like these that help me see the error in my ways. Yes, we did have a fight about it, I did tell her I'm seeing a counselor tomorrow about my jerk-ness, and I feel I'm trying to correct my wrong-doings towards her. I explained this, and maybe it fell on deaf ears. Do I wish I could take it back? Hell, yes!! And yes, I'd still make the same decision as I did at LAX. I'd just like to know why I let my feelings get in the way of what was to be a great week of maybe 2 trips (Vegas, and was hoping for Mammoth and first snow or Monterey, CA, and the coast).

To all that replied here, thanks for the vote of confidence. I'll let you know what the counselor says after tomorrow......

 

[DirtMcGirk]

It wasn't the greatest movie ever made, but there is a great exchange in the Boondock Saints 2 about what it is to be a man. Since googlefu is tough to master, I'm just gonna quote it for you:

Rocco: Men build things, then we die. It's in our ****ing DNA! THAT'S WHAT WE DO!
Murphy MacManus: And when it all falls down?
Rocco: We build it right back up again.
Connor MacManus: But this time bigger. BETTER!
Rocco: Look! Look what we can do. Look how ****in' beautiful we are. You think the men that built all this had it easy?
Murphy MacManus: Hard men!
Connor MacManus: Doing hard ****!
Rocco: and that gives me a hard on... But not in a gay way or anything like that.
Murphy MacManus: No, 'course not
Connor MacManus: Yeah it goes without sayin'
Rocco: I am so sick of all of this self help, twelve step, leftover hippie generation bull****!
Connor MacManus: Now they don't want you to do anything, right? Just sit there. Don't drink.
Murphy MacManus: Don't smoke. Don't drive fast.
Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus, Rocco: Kiss my ass!
Rocco: **** it! Do it all I say! Do you think Duke Wayne spent all of his time talking about his feelings with a ****in' therapist?
Connor MacManus: There's no ****ing way he did!
Rocco: John Wayne died with five pounds of undigested red meat in his ass. Now that's a man! Real men hide their feelings. Why?
Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus, Rocco: Because it's none of your ****in' business!
Rocco: Men do not cry. Men do not pout. Men jack you in the ****in' jaw and say...
Detective Greenly: Thanks for comin' out.

You ****ed up, make amends, do what's right, don't do it again. As someone who tried "therapy" I just don't believe in it. You know what's wrong and what's right unless you're a client of mine, and in which case you're pretty much screwed anyway. You seem like a good guy with his head dialed on right. We all make mistakes, but its what we do after that matters.

So, thanks for comin' out.

edit:
I'm such a good guy I even found it for you.

NSFW

 

[Iridemtb]

When I was married my ex-wife was in the Navy. We moved all the time, which messed with my professional life along with a much desired need to "put down roots" anywhere after Katrina.

I began to blame her for a lot of things, to really resent the person I was supposed to love the most. After a time, that resentment just became outright and unmitigated anger. I was angry at her. I hated the Navy. I hated her family for not helping her in med school so she didn't have to join the Navy. I was angry at New Orleans. I was angry at God. I was just plain angry.

After a time, that anger became madness. I wanted blood, and by the gallon, for all the slights and perceived wrongs that had been hoisted on me. I wanted the heads of the joint chiefs of staff for having this war. Nothing could console me.

So as a lot of you know, I turned heavily to drink. I was plastered a lot of the time, and when we moved to Washington, I made the mistake of not standing with my wife. I chose instead to live in Seattle while she lived up on Whidbey Island. We'd see each other on the weekends, and it was great, life was a party, but just under that surface calmly smoothed by Wild Turkey, I was still angry.

What I didn't understand until after I put her on the plane to Afghanistan was how unhappy she was because of how unhappy and ultimately insane I was. I found her journals, which I believe she left in an easy to find place, and I read them. Turns out she had to, on a daily basis, talk herself out of killing herself with the gun I had bought her for graduating from flight school. This was a daily thing because of me. The person I loved most wanted to end her life because of how unhappy I was.

The day after Thanksgiving she told me how unhappy she was and that she wanted out. I tried everything I could to reform, to bring her back, to show her I was who she married all those years ago. It was too late, she was gone, the love we had was gone, and in a lot of ways the man I was at 23 was gone.

And all of that started as a seedling in resentment. I was stupid. I was prideful. I was arrogant. I forgot the idea that "a man has to put his wife before everything in his life, including himself." I got so butt hurt over the wrongs I thought had been forced on me by our following of her star that I ended up really wrecking everything.

She got remarried in May. Hopefully she chose better this time.

So if you don't wanna be like me, find some catharsis or some peace with the decision you made. If you really love her, that crazy ass "balls to bones" sort of love that is so illusive in this day and age, then "suck it up princess." You made the right choice. It might suck now, and its a bitter little cunt of a pill to swallow, but sometimes being "a man" means having to do things that suck, and doing them with a **** eating grin.

You have a woman who loves you. Tell her you understand, that you're not mad, and that you'd do it again in a heart beat if you had to.





then use it for the rest of your life to get guilt based BJ's...

Plus rep sir.

 

[stosh]

I've been wondering about you guys.

I just got back from Italy as you and I had discussed before going. I had a very nice time but with all the great times I was having it only means MAYBE 1/2 of what it would have if my wife had been by my side. I'm not an anxious person but I was freaking out on the way home because I was so excited to see her. Try a small cheap flight with her first. Try building your way up. Go to Italy on your own dime sometime and you'll end up laughing about this past week. I feel for you man but on the other hand I can see where she was coming from as well.

 

[bdamschen]

Maybe I'm a dick but-

If I had decided to go to counseling to talk about myself being a dick over my wife having a fear of flying, I'd also expect my wife to go to counseling to get over her fear of flying.

Marriage is a two way street and it doesn't work if only one person is catering to the needs of the other. My wife and I do everything together and while we support each other in what we do, we also man (or woman) up to try and meet each other's needs as well.