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The Whiniest Bike Theft Story Ever

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,373
0
SF
My white guilt died on Good Friday, April 6, 2012. That was the day my bike got stolen.

When I got home I vented to my friends. I told them I was going to scour those neighborhoods until I found the bike. In reply, a liberal friend gave me a lecture about profiling and told me to just forget about the bike. “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”

That’s when I lost it. I had been carefully educated by liberal parents that we are all, black and white, the same. My favorite movie growing up was “In the Heat of the Night.” Yet that often meant not treating everyone the same. It meant treating blacks with a mixture of patronizing condescension and obsequious genuflecting to their Absolute Moral Authority gained from centuries of suffering. It meant not treating everyone the same.

It meant leaving valuable things like a bike in a vulnerable position in a black part of town because you didn’t want to admit that the crime is worse in poor black neighborhoods.

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2012/04/09/the-end-of-my-white-guilt/#ixzz1rex7JcOT
 

dan-o

Turbo Monkey
Jun 30, 2004
6,499
2,805
Given the nationwide anti-cyclist backlash following the SF pedestrian-killers, this guy should be thankful he's no longer on the front lines of the cycling crusade. Things have changed, man.
 

$tinkle

Expert on blowing
Feb 12, 2003
14,591
6
white or black, if you catch him, beat him like a slave

pro-tip: make sure the injuries are internal or quick healing, to retain FMV
 

X3pilot

Texans fan - LOL
Aug 13, 2007
5,860
1
SoMD
That’s when I lost it. I had been carefully educated by liberal parents that we are all, black and white, the same.
...until some motherfvckin' negro stoled mah bike! Bitch!
 

nyhc00

Monkey
Jul 19, 2010
496
0
CT
Several years ago my bike was stolen out of my car that was wedged in between 2 roomates cars in my driveway. Aside from the bike, my Anatomy and Physiology textbook was stolen as well (which i got back). The kick in the balls i would say was the last piece of gum I had in my center console was also taken, but the wrapper left on the drivers seat. haha
 

$tinkle

Expert on blowing
Feb 12, 2003
14,591
6
http://cosprings.craigslist.org/bik/3232328993.html
I would like to offer a reward for the return of my Black and grey Specialized Secteur. Even if your the jackass that stole it I will gladly pay you to bring it back. Hell you can even keep all the sweet stuff i had in the saddle bags. There had to be at least 200 bucks worth of nice gear in them, but if you return it I will still give you two crisp hundred dollar bills. Anyone that beats the **** out off the thief that stole my only transportation and brings me his right index finger will raise the reward two four hundred. Yep thats right folks i will pay two hundred bucks just for some jerks right finger. Hope you have a great day:)