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Things I'd love to say at work...

McGRP01

beer and bikes
Feb 6, 2003
7,793
0
Portland, OR
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the ****-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Please add to the list...
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
22,248
408
NY
Do you mind if I cut and paste this into an e-mail and send it to everybody on my list?
 

Lexx D

Dirty Dozen
Mar 8, 2004
1,480
0
NY
1)Ask somebody who cares.
2)Once again because of you I've lost my faith in the human race
3)get the fuk out
4)you smell like shyt
5)How fuking stupid are you

Just a few off the top of my head.
 

pixelninja

Turbo Monkey
Jun 14, 2003
2,131
0
Denver, CO
Poor planning by you does not constitute an emergency for me.

I can't count how many times I've wanted to tell a salesperson that...
 

Lexx D

Dirty Dozen
Mar 8, 2004
1,480
0
NY
1)I'm shocked you've made it this far in life
2)Where do you work so i can stop by sometime and fuk up your day
3)No i don't need your money just get the fuk out of my store(oh wait I've said that :D )
 

Skookum

bikey's is cool
Jul 26, 2002
10,184
0
in a bear cave
There are jobs including mine that things are said that would blow this list away on a daily basis..... But everybody has to be professional at some point in their work, for whatever reason....
 

Acadian

Born Again Newbie
Sep 5, 2001
714
2
Blah Blah and Blah
McGRP01 said:
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
I kindda lost it and pretty much said that to my boss yesterday on our 1:1

that and this:

"You know when we had out first 1:1 a few months back**, and you asked me what my priorities were? Remember how I told you my #1 priority was LIFE and work came future down the list? Well work is starting to interfere with #1 and that’s not good!!"

** He just started here two months ago.
 

Dirt rider

Pro Rider
Nov 18, 2001
505
0
redneck wasteland
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.


How about you just do the job how i showed you 3 times over so I don't have to come over and fix what you broke or didnt do.

and that plan is productive how...

how about you try correcting the problem yourself before interuping what im doing.

why are you shanding there busting my chops about the work I do where as(name) is standing around flapping his mouth.
 

Tully

Monkey
Oct 8, 2003
981
0
Seattle, WA
Skookum said:
There are jobs including mine that things are said that would blow this list away on a daily basis..... But everybody has to be professional at some point in their work, for whatever reason....
I can't help but wonder, where do you work?
 

indieboy

Want fries with that?
Jan 4, 2002
1,806
1
atlanta
at the bike shop i get to rattle most of those off at will if someone utterly pisses me off. trust me it's fun doing it.......

"um sir you have no clue what your talking about, that product rules!!!"
"yeah um well i'm the one running the shop today, i'm not here b/c i'm some idiot, you can go ****yourself....*click*"
 

dh girlie

MISS MISSY (geek)
indieboy said:
at the bike shop i get to rattle most of those off at will if someone utterly pisses me off. trust me it's fun doing it.......

"um sir you have no clue what your talking about, that product rules!!!"
"yeah um well i'm the one running the shop today, i'm not here b/c i'm some idiot, you can go ****yourself....*click*"
And you shop rats wonder why we all buy our stuff on the internet :eek:
 

DVNT

Turbo Monkey
Jul 16, 2004
1,844
0
indieboy said:
at the bike shop i get to rattle most of those off at will if someone utterly pisses me off. trust me it's fun doing it.......

"um sir you have no clue what your talking about, that product rules!!!"
"yeah um well i'm the one running the shop today, i'm not here b/c i'm some idiot, you can go ****yourself....*click*"

THANK YOU!!!!! :thumb:
Thanks for reminding me why every bike shop (except Outback Bikes) in Atlanta BLOWS @SS!

Do you happen to work for the LBS that tried to tell me Specialized Discontinued all the Enduros for 05. :mumble:
 

indieboy

Want fries with that?
Jan 4, 2002
1,806
1
atlanta
DVNT said:
THANK YOU!!!!! :thumb:
Thanks for reminding me why every bike shop (except Outback Bikes) in Atlanta BLOWS @SS!

Do you happen to work for the LBS that tried to tell me Specialized Discontinued all the Enduros for 05. :mumble:

that was probably atlanta cycling.....that's why they've had to close down most of their shops. as for them, yes they do suck.....

as for outback being the only bike shop in atlanta that doesn't blow. please explain to me why Atlanta Pro Bikes (the shop i work for) sells more moots and IF's then you could imagine.....and please explain to me why ppl continue to come to us?
the customer isn't always right, you know that as well as i do. i won't tell someone they are a complete idiot, but if i start to catch some attitude from the customer trying to tell me i'm an idiot, well they aren't going to like a bit of what they hear coming out of my mouth that's for sure.....

the last bit is probably why the owner of outback consistently asks me to come work for him. but that's another story........
 

SkaredShtles

Michael Bolton
Sep 21, 2003
67,804
14,153
In a van.... down by the river
indieboy said:
<snip>please explain to me why Atlanta Pro Bikes (the shop i work for) sells more moots and IF's then you could imagine.....and please explain to me why ppl continue to come to us?
Please keep in mind that 99.999% of the population are idiots. Even those that buy Moots and IF.

-S.S.-
 

indieboy

Want fries with that?
Jan 4, 2002
1,806
1
atlanta
SkaredShtles said:
Please keep in mind that 99.999% of the population are idiots. Even those that buy Moots and IF.

-S.S.-
oh this is true.......just as long as the respect works both ways i'm cool with whomever walks into our doors no matter how small or big the purchase is....
 

ET_SoCal

Monkey
Aug 10, 2001
398
0
C-Me Valley, CA
Saw "American Beauty" for the first time last weekend, has some great lines...

Some things I'd love to say to some people at work;

"my job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off, while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble hell."
"Can you prove you didn't offer to save my job if I'd let you blow me? "
"{Boss}Hey, {me} ... got a minute? {me}: For you {Boss}, I've got five."
 

DVNT

Turbo Monkey
Jul 16, 2004
1,844
0
indieboy said:
as for outback being the only bike shop in atlanta that doesn't blow. please explain to me why Atlanta Pro Bikes (the shop i work for) sells more moots and IF's then you could imagine.....and please explain to me why ppl continue to come to us? .....
Yeah well I forgot about APB. It's good too. Sorry you caught me on a rant day. I wish you guys were open on Sunday!
 

indieboy

Want fries with that?
Jan 4, 2002
1,806
1
atlanta
DVNT said:
Yeah well I forgot about APB. It's good too. Sorry you caught me on a rant day. I wish you guys were open on Sunday!

we've never EVER been open on sunday!!!! all of us race and enjoy riding and do as much of it as possible!