Quantcast

Things I've learned from my boys - Email funny

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,625
0
Lynnwood, WA
Ok, time for a laugh...

a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas... "Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding)"

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (oven double-paned) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego pieces will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
I don't know about brake fluid and clorox, but I found out about steel wool and bleach. :o: :)
 

todbanner

Chimp
Mar 7, 2005
62
0
holy **** that is the funniest thing i've read today!

I'm sitting in the computer lab on campus laughing out loud almost to the point of crying!the people around me are starting to look at me :)
 

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,625
0
Lynnwood, WA
Cooter Brown said:
I'm trying the brake fluid and bleach when I get home tonite

what about steel wool and bleach though?
well Fine Steel wool and bleach get "hot"

I was cleaning my motorcycle back int he day ('89 Yamaha WR250) it had white plastic and it was a pain to keep the plastic white. At wits end, I used fine steel wool and bleach on the plastic. In an attempt to lessen the gouged plastic and dirt hiding in side. It was pouring rain and maybe 40 degrees out side (typical Western Washington Fall day) so my hands were numb from the cold water. Suddenly my hand started to sting. I figured the steel wool had left little cuts and the bleach was irritating it....well it got WARM. I stopped and set it on the drive way. 30 minutes later it was still warm to the touch. It never caught fire or anything but I wasn't going to hold on to it anymore. :)
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
38,979
5,687
Sleazattle
Fine steel wool a 9 volt battery and the right amount of airflow will make a very hot little firestarter. I think the end result is a nice pile of FeO3 which is half of what you need to make some thermite, the second half being aluminium powder (found in an Etch-a-Sketch).


Edit: Something tells me I just went on a Homeland Security watch list.
 

robdamanii

OMG! <3 Tom Brady!
May 2, 2005
10,681
0
Out of my mind, back in a moment.
Westy said:
Fine steel wool a 9 volt battery and the right amount of airflow will make a very hot little firestarter. I think the end result is a nice pile of FeO3 which is half of what you need to make some thermite, the second half being aluminium powder (found in an Etch-a-Sketch).


Edit: Something tells me I just went on a Homeland Security watch list.
So THAT'S where you get aluminum powder....

I seem to recall that just scraping rust off of a nail will give you the ferrous oxide necessary to make thermite....
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
38,979
5,687
Sleazattle
robdamanii said:
So THAT'S where you get aluminum powder....

I seem to recall that just scraping rust off of a nail will give you the ferrous oxide necessary to make thermite....
I believe regular old rust is FeO2, which will work, but not as well.
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
22,208
372
NY
Westy said:
Fine steel wool a 9 volt battery and the right amount of airflow will make a very hot little firestarter. I think the end result is a nice pile of FeO3 which is half of what you need to make some thermite, the second half being aluminium powder (found in an Etch-a-Sketch).


Edit: Something tells me I just went on a Homeland Security watch list.
NERD





123456
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
38,979
5,687
Sleazattle
Cooter Brown said:
at the risk of sounding dumb, what is thermite?
A combination of Iron oxide and aluminum. When ignited it burns really really really really hot. Hot enough to melt steel and some types of rock and concrete. The military uses it to disable heavy equipment in the form of thermite grenades.
 

robdamanii

OMG! <3 Tom Brady!
May 2, 2005
10,681
0
Out of my mind, back in a moment.
Westy said:
A combination of Iron oxide and aluminum. When ignited it burns really really really really hot. Hot enough to melt steel and some types of rock and concrete. The military uses it to disable heavy equipment in the form of thermite grenades.
And it's really fun stuff to see in action. If you know someone you hate with a nice car, put a nickle sized pile on the hood, ignite it with a magnesium ribbon, and watch it burn through the hood, heads, block, and right through the parking lot.
 

Cooter Brown

Turbo Monkey
May 30, 2002
1,453
0
Snow Hall, tweakin on math
robdamanii said:
You bet.

Nothing at all. What a gyp.

dammit!

try a small amount of "The Works" toilet cleaner and some wadded up aluminum foil in a 2 liter pop bottle, screw the lid on, shake it up a bit til it starts to get warm the throw it away from people/pets/property and watch it blow up:think: :cool:
 

robdamanii

OMG! <3 Tom Brady!
May 2, 2005
10,681
0
Out of my mind, back in a moment.
Cooter Brown said:
dammit!

try a small amount of "The Works" toilet cleaner and some wadded up aluminum foil in a 2 liter pop bottle, screw the lid on, shake it up a bit til it starts to get warm the throw it away from people/pets/property and watch it blow up:think: :cool:
Dry Ice + water in a soda bottle.

Fun stuff.
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
38,979
5,687
Sleazattle
robdamanii said:
And it's really fun stuff to see in action. If you know someone you hate with a nice car, put a nickle sized pile on the hood, ignite it with a magnesium ribbon, and watch it burn through the hood, heads, block, and right through the parking lot.
Mg ribbon is hard to find. Take a hammer to an old fork lower.:)
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
38,979
5,687
Sleazattle
robdamanii said:
Hammer + old fork lower? What does that accomplish?

And Mg ribbon (among other things) isn't so tough when someone's old man is a Chem E and has lots of contacts with chemical warehouses. ;)
Most fork lowers are made from Mg. Hit one with a hammer to break of usable chunks.
 

chicodude

The Spooninator
Mar 28, 2004
1,057
1
Paradise
Yea, so the bleach and brake fuild thing doesn't in fact work, at last not with clone clorox and brake fluid from
a 1990 gmc

Damn you rob
 

Polandspring88

Superman
Mar 31, 2004
3,075
0
Broomfield, CO
Westy said:
Most fork lowers are made from Mg. Hit one with a hammer to break of usable chunks.
Just go to EMS. They sell little chunks of magnesium that you can shave off with a pocket knife and strike the blade against a flint and ignite. Being an Eagle Scout, I can tell you that this plus a little bit of oiled up steel wool makes for a very nice fire starter.
 

mack

Turbo Monkey
Feb 26, 2003
3,675
0
Colorado
Too bad you cant buy sodium metal any more. Stupid terrorists.

Heres one:

Small ball Caesium in a swimming pool. Just make sure no ones in it. :)
 

mack

Turbo Monkey
Feb 26, 2003
3,675
0
Colorado
Cooter Brown said:
dammit!

try a small amount of "The Works" toilet cleaner and some wadded up aluminum foil in a 2 liter pop bottle, screw the lid on, shake it up a bit til it starts to get warm the throw it away from people/pets/property and watch it blow up:think: :cool:

This doesnt work. What kinda of cleaner? Ive tried everything. I dont think amonia reacts with Al. What active ingrediant should i be looking for?
 

Changleen

Paranoid Member
Jan 9, 2004
9,921
17
Hypernormality
mack said:
Too bad you cant buy sodium metal any more. Stupid terrorists.

Heres one:

Small ball Caesium in a swimming pool. Just make sure no ones in it. :)
Where the **** do you get Caesium from if you can't get sodium? Francium works better anyway... Either way be sure o store it in oil...

A chemistry teacher of mine was demonstrating thermite to our class, filled a empty bean tin with the stuff, placed it on a brick wall outside the chemistry lab and melted a significant hole into the brick wall. It was awesome when he realised it was out of control. That was some hot stuff. You could feel the heat from it several feet away.