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Tricking your mother into the hospital - worst feeling

bizutch

Delicate CUSTOM flower
Dec 11, 2001
15,922
8
Over your shoulder whispering
Long story short, over the past month she's been increasingly odd and then drastically so this last week.

My father is a truck driver and the sole income they have. He has to live 4 hours away in Nashville (since early last year) when his terminal closed here. He gets a much bigger pension if he retires at 62, which is next September, so he's just trying to get by til then.

He and I noticed it more and more. She's been going to "doctors", but I did some checking and found out she wasn't. She bounced from a spine group to a chiropractor. Chiropractor recommended she see an MD yesterday immediately. Dad gets word, , he rushes home to NC. She goes, they schedule a CAT scan. Mom remembers none of it this morning and told dad the opposite last night and missed her appointment.

We got her to the doc, then the CAT scan, then the ambulance to Memorial Mission. 2 large masses on her brain. You can see a 5cm mass in the center of her frontal region. It's so big, you can see it making her brain overlap the left side of her brain.

Batteries of tests tonight and a full on MRI session in the morning. Surgery likely. High probability the tests reveal metastasized lung cancer as the root cause.

Life long, heavy smoker who found out she had COPD last year and quit cold turkey that very day.

Numb.
 

bizutch

Delicate CUSTOM flower
Dec 11, 2001
15,922
8
Over your shoulder whispering
http://lungcancer.about.com/od/treatmentoflungcancer/a/lungbraincancer.htm


Prognosis of Lung Cancer that Has Spread to the Brain

Sadly, those who have been diagnosed with lung cancer metastatic to the brain have a median survival of only 4 months. This is the time after which 50% of people remain alive and 50% have died from their disease.
I've known that since I was a kid, my mom would probably fall to smoking. I can't imagine a doctor telling us anything different tomorrow. I've been angry with her my whole life for it, but she's still my mother and I want this to be a dream. Good night RM. Sorry for the down news, but you're as good of friends as anybody else, so I wanted to share.

Depressing updates to come.
 
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daisycutter

Turbo Monkey
Apr 8, 2006
1,520
43
New York City
Sorry to hear this, My mom was just diagnosed with leukemia last week, I know excatly how you feel. Cancer sucks big dic.
 
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Mo(n)arch

Turbo Monkey
Dec 27, 2010
4,234
1,164
Italy/south Tyrol
Sorry to hear this, My mom was just diagnosed with leukemia last week, I know excatly how you feel. Cancer sucks big dic.
This. My father had a melanoma last year, resulting in an amputated finger. Luckily it wasn't metastisized.
But the time till the good news were out...
Fvck man, that was tough.

Again, stay strong. All the best to you.
 

boylagz

Monkey
Jul 12, 2011
478
0
SF bay area
Sorry to hear that man.

Ive been surrounded by cancer my whole life. Lost 2 granddads to it, my dad had one under his foot early this year but luckily it was isolate/contained.

And Im with everyone else on here, smoking is a bltch. I used to tolerate the smoke but now it just gets on my nerves.
 
if neurosurgery is indicated (sounds like it is), Id recommend that she be moved to whichever the major referral center is in your area. It usually is the "university" hospital whereever the medical school is located. Reason being the case volumes; major neurosurgical centers usually have better outcomes due to more regimented protocols for post operative care, as well as good continuity of care to oncologists for radiation and/or chemo.

my best regards to you and your mom, butch.
 
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bizutch

Delicate CUSTOM flower
Dec 11, 2001
15,922
8
Over your shoulder whispering
Middle of the night MRI on the brain and CT scan of her torso revealed a mass and indicators in her lymph nodes as well. The swelling in her brain is bad and today her cognitive and motor skills are gone. She's rambling, hallucinating and they've had to restrain her, catch her falling, had her crash into the tub...you name it.

Surgery to remove/drain the large one and hopefully bring her back to some semblance of cognizance is Monday. The next 48 hours of waiting will be pure hell and my dad is destroyed. She is his world.

If she comes out of the first surgery, she has to recover for 2-3 days, get the 2nd tumor out, make it through that and then radiation for the skull, chemo and who knows what for the lung cancer.

Doctors finally were honest with them today after I insisted dad press them for details. They finally said to him that 1 year or less is best case.

If she doesn't have the surgery Monday, she will be gone within the month.

If you're a smoker out there and you enjoy it or are trapped by it, just know you're going to strangle, slaughter and murder every small piece of sanity any and everyone who loves you might have. Your selfishness will burn the minds and souls of the people who matter most.
 

Ciaran

Fear my banana
Apr 5, 2004
9,844
11
So Cal
My mother in law had a golf ball sized mass in her brain that was removed a few years back. Same symptoms. We thought she had a stroke or something. Once they removed the mass she returned to normal. Still... we are always cautious.

Best of luck to you and your mom. Hang tough. Many good thoughts to you for personal strength, and to your mom.
 

boylagz

Monkey
Jul 12, 2011
478
0
SF bay area
If you're a smoker out there and you enjoy it or are trapped by it, just know you're going to strangle, slaughter and murder every small piece of sanity any and everyone who loves you might have. Your selfishness will burn the minds and souls of the people who matter most.
Its like being selfish without wanting to. Im so sorry man. Again, hang in there.
 

dan-o

Turbo Monkey
Jun 30, 2004
5,734
1,946
They finally said to him that 1 year or less is best case.

If you're a smoker out there and you enjoy it or are trapped by it, just know you're going to strangle, slaughter and murder every small piece of sanity any and everyone who loves you might have. Your selfishness will burn the minds and souls of the people who matter most.
FWIW, my dad live 6 happy years beyond what his doctors said he would.
My brother just exceeded his life expectancy as he keeps fighting pancreatic cancer.

Also, now is not the time to feel sorry for yourself or rage against your mom's decision to smoke.
Man up and support those who need it; your mom, dad and likely your daughters.
Negativity/anger won't do **** to help the situation.

Best of luck, it's a tough row to hoe.
 

bizutch

Delicate CUSTOM flower
Dec 11, 2001
15,922
8
Over your shoulder whispering
FWIW, my dad live 6 happy years beyond what his doctors said he would.
My brother just exceeded his life expectancy as he keeps fighting pancreatic cancer.

Also, now is not the time to feel sorry for yourself or rage against your mom's decision to smoke.
Man up and support those who need it; your mom, dad and likely your daughters.
Negativity/anger won't do **** to help the situation.

Best of luck, it's a tough row to hoe.
By chance, do you smoke?
 

drkenan

anti-dentite
Oct 1, 2006
3,443
0
west asheville
Dang Butch - my sincerest condolences man. :( I just had an issue with my father who had a sudden and unexpected cardiac arrest. He healed way faster than the docs predicted - I'm hoping your mom has the same result.
 

bizutch

Delicate CUSTOM flower
Dec 11, 2001
15,922
8
Over your shoulder whispering
Thanks Kenan. I saw all about that with him. Glad that it turned up for you guys too!

I know people want to have a best case scenario for her, but mom may have been hiding this from us. It's an INSANELY odd scenario. She's one of those people from a movie. Tough old bird, stubborn about medicine and we're finding out things about the last few years that are distracting, but not shocking. She's supposed to have been alcohol free for almost 10 yrs.

When you've watched her freight train cigarettes her whole life ( I realize it's an addiction) out of sheer spite for those around her, you get to be me. Make NO mistake...I love her with all my heart and we're doing everything for her.

But read up on the testimonials for this specific disease. It is terminal, a killer and I've yet to find a single case of a person outliving the 1 year optimistic statement. She was in terrible health well before cancer. I'm OK with it. I KNOW my mom has been hell bent on killing herself like this since I was young.

Here are things I'm trying to personally sort through:

1. Found out from my cousin that the ladies at the liquor store know her by name
2. Discovered she had COPD testing done, was diagnosed in advanced stages of it.
3. She rambled about oxygen prescription from the doc so apparently she's supposed to have been using supplemental oxygen for the past year or more.
4. May have been advised by doctors to have CT scan for lung cancer.

She's in surgery from 11:30 today for about 4 hours. I'm waiting to hear back from doctor's about what is truth and what is random gibberish from her mind.
 

ALEXIS_DH

Tirelessly Awesome
Jan 30, 2003
5,423
218
Lima, Peru, Peru
Thanks Kenan. I saw all about that with him. Glad that it turned up for you guys too!

I know people want to have a best case scenario for her, but mom may have been hiding this from us. It's an INSANELY odd scenario. She's one of those people from a movie. Tough old bird, stubborn about medicine and we're finding out things about the last few years that are distracting, but not shocking. She's supposed to have been alcohol free for almost 10 yrs.

When you've watched her freight train cigarettes her whole life ( I realize it's an addiction) out of sheer spite for those around her, you get to be me. Make NO mistake...I love her with all my heart and we're doing everything for her.

But read up on the testimonials for this specific disease. It is terminal, a killer and I've yet to find a single case of a person outliving the 1 year optimistic statement. She was in terrible health well before cancer. I'm OK with it. I KNOW my mom has been hell bent on killing herself like this since I was young.

Here are things I'm trying to personally sort through:

1. Found out from my cousin that the ladies at the liquor store know her by name
2. Discovered she had COPD testing done, was diagnosed in advanced stages of it.
3. She rambled about oxygen prescription from the doc so apparently she's supposed to have been using supplemental oxygen for the past year or more.
4. May have been advised by doctors to have CT scan for lung cancer.

She's in surgery from 11:30 today for about 4 hours. I'm waiting to hear back from doctor's about what is truth and what is random gibberish from her mind.
some people are just like that.

my dad has a huge mole and has been told by a doctor to have it removed and biopsy-es asap....
that was well over a year ago, and he has no interest of going to the hospital. i´ve taken him personally, only to have him go in, talk to the doc and never coming back again....
i´ve told my aunts and sisters, hoping to rally family pressure; but he has absolutely no interest in following up with a doctor.

i´ve, literally, told him during a recent fishing trip... "dad, die from anything, but DONT die from cancer", yet he says its nothing, the doctor told him to leave the mole as it is (which is BS)....
 
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stoney

Part of the unwashed, middle-American horde
Jul 26, 2006
15,078
1,792
Colorado
Hey Butch - I hate to be the deliverer of dark news, but you really need to get her finances handled for your dad. Powers of Attorney, beneficiaries for all acccounts updated, a log of all her accounts, etc. I'm sure your dad has most of this listed somewhere, but take care of this for him now.

It's dark, rough to do, and sucks, but your father will appreciate it if things go sour quickly. Especially the beneficiaries bit. Unless you have a trust of some form, get your dad setup as the bene. It's tax advantageous to him.

**I AM NOT A TAX OR FINANCIAL ADVISOR. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH.**