Val di Sole?
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THIS is the shit that happens when @jackalope is too busy drinking michelob ultras and shooting off freedomworks and passes out in the kiddie pool at 3:30 and forgets to write his race report. DAMMIT JACKALOPE.Who the hell is Frixtalon Hugo?! FOur privateers in the top ten?
well duh. but did he just roll out the start gate then bail? or did he make any sort of attempt?
crashed and did his thumb in again.
It seems that they had quite a bit of rain coming during the qualiesWho the hell is Frixtalon Hugo?! FOur privateers in the top ten?
if it started part way though and some people got to ride when it was dry(er) that would explain a lot. not that i have a problem with privateers doing well.
awesome footage. I hope the rain holds off, this track is sick enough as it is.
That sucks. As someone who has seriously injured/broke one my thumbs, all I can say is that it SUCKS. Things like wiping your ass, undoing a jar of pickles or even brushing your teeth become a pain. And you can tweak it so easily again...
minnaarr is still out due to his injury, right?
I love RAW--if that was all we had, it would be OK. That said, those who have not checked out Cathrovision really should. It's awesome stuff. Sounds like both Pinkbike and Redbull are pulling him in to do more content (likely with higher production value). I for one think that's a win for everyone as no one has explained the complexities of race craft at the WC level so well--it just makes what those guys are doing that much more incredible.
Ciao from the big sexy, high-heeled boot of Yurp! The Cirque Du Sole is in town for a Roman orgy of depraved bicycular demolition. Since a weather impacted qualies round just wrapped up, there's no time to waste in getting the critical data crunching done before they drop the green flag tomorrow. So lets get on it straight away:
- VDS is located in the Trentino province, which also happens to be the ancestral origins of 90%+ of the denizens of Trenton, NJ. The striking geographic similarities between the 2 regions make this a pretty obvious conclusion.
- VDS is part of the Dolomite mountains, which was of course were the namesake of Rolf's Dolomite wheels, which of course were abject pieces of shit. And fun fact - Rolf is still around and still makes wheels! Who knew?! Thankfully it seems they are still making wheels with less and less spokes.
- For posterity
- This is OK beer provided its cold, and what I presume you'd drink while spectating at VDS (yes, its a Mexican beer, but Mexico and Italy are essentially the same since their respective languages are based on English and just adding "o" at the end of words)
- VDS is very close to a town called Malè, which apparently is largely inhabited by, umm, very "happy" men...Unsurprisingly, they all ride 29ers...NTTAWWT
- Since Italy did not even qualify for the big kickball WC tournament, this is their WC event this year. Expect a big fan turn out, donned with gold chains, track suits and Addidas sneakers...or shit, am I thinking of Irish dudes? Regardless, they'll be a lot of euro-trash there like @Sandro and @Mo(n)arch
- Chef Boyardee was actually a real person, and an Italian no less! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ettore_Boiardi
- So I was wrong when I laughed off the whole Jeebus story as a fairy tale invented by people who wanted to take money from poor people by promising them immortality. Why you ask? Because the current Pope doesn't seem as bat shit crazy as his predecessors? Nope to the Pope (although some of his costumes are pretty sweet)...It's because of Ben Mutha Fuggin Cathro. Its pretty clear to me he is in fact Jeebus returned from his astral walk about. Only an entity with divine perception can decode line choices like that guy. It should also be noted that Ben is likely of Italian descent (or perhaps Mexican) since his name ends in "o".
Done and done...This shit is too easy:
1.) El Duce: WTF you might say, since I've used this one before in a previous technical race breakdown...well that and he's been dead for almost 75 years. But lest you forget, Jeebus walks among us once again, so yeah, the dead are rising again as was foretold in J.R.R.R.R.R.R Tol...wait, one more R, Tolkein's Return of the King (specifically, the Deadmen of Dunharrow). Anyway, the loquacious El Douche displays his typical false machismo and bravado before the race, declaring that he will el Mako Italio greato againo and something about building a wall to keep those swarthy Greeks out...El Douche obliterates the track on a custom Ferrari hoverboard, which ends up convincing the industry lizardos to start shifting back to smaller wheels...On the podium, he makes some ridiculous remarks about Judge Whoppner being Italian and then proceeds to bring a gaggle of hookers up on stage to spray with champagne while they urinate on bedding products...thats when his fake skin colored skull cap pops off, revealing the bizarrely colored comb over of the POTUS. God (or Ben?) damn it, the Don is back it seems
2.) Johannes Von Klebelsberg - Another WTF? But this is what the tea leaves are saying people. So since JVK is Italian, it makes perfect sense he has a home court advantage on VDS and puts his innate knowledge of the track to good use. No surprise there. The real mystery is why a guy with a German name is listed as an Italian. Although, I suppose the 2 countries did team up awhile ago to make things pretty shitty for most of the world, so there's that. But JVK rocks the obligatory Ancillotti DH bike that all Italian riders are required to ride, but in lieu of using Formula brakes (i.e. he prefers brakes that don't fail regularly...just ask Greg Williamson about that), he opts for a set of Bavarian stoppers - Magura Gustavs. Wonder if we can mix Gustav calipers with Saint levers?
3.) Enzo Gorlami - Donning his traditional white tux and an unmistakable air of sophistication, Enzo rips the shit out of VDS on a vintage Moto Guzzi, seeming to be on the hunt for something...oh that's right, he's looking for scalps (turns out he wants them). Upon cornering JVK on the podium (with a particularly sharp M1905 bayonet in hand), he is somewhat disappointed to learn that JVK is Italino and in no way a "Nassi". And yes, this scene still cracks me up -
4.) Michael Avenatti - Damn straight...where ever the Cheetoh in Charge goes, so goes barrister Avenatti, especially if it means returning to his ancestral home. This guy wants his scalps too, but not the kind made up of cranial follicles (although an orange scalp would be a fun conversation piece at dinner parties)...Avenatti wants to make a deal with the "master" of deal making, and we're talking about an expensive deal at that. I mean lets face it, its going to cost you big time to make someone sit around a hotel room and watch endless hours of Shark Week with you. Jumping on the shoulders of his most famous client, Avenatti storms to an impressive 4th place (a "real stormer of a run" as Needles might say). He then makes sure to hand out his business cards to the champagne soaked podium hookers, as you never know where your next client might come from.
5.) @FSM - You're God (Ben?) Damn right, what invisible deity is not going to take advantage of his only begotten son offering up free track tips? Plus, we all know the FSM loves hanging out in a country that is chock full of his sheeple, who celebrate his divine holiness at practically every meal. The Pope & Co. might get all the attention (and money), but the real star of the show in Italio is the noodly hero himself. Creating an incredibly light, strong and UV resistant bike out of manicotti shells, the FSM powers home to a solid 5th place - and the only reason why he didn't take the win was because he couldn't figure out how to put his goggles over his dislocated meatball eyes. Oddly, he seems to have taken a shine to Mr. Avenatti's client, perhaps implying she may be the mother of his only begotten son given that she (like Mary in the other less believable mythology) is a bit, umm, promiscuous.
Donnas -
1.) Rach: Zzzzzzz
2.) Tahnee: maybe she'll race only in a sports bra since thats apparently her standard pit kit
3.) Trace: obligatory "stay on yer bike Trace"
4.) Elenora Farina: b/c she's Italino
5.) Pom-Pom: hope she didn't get banged up in qualies
- VDS is located in the Trentino province, which also happens to be the ancestral origins of 90%+ of the denizens of Trenton, NJ. The striking geographic similarities between the 2 regions make this a pretty obvious conclusion.
- VDS is part of the Dolomite mountains, which was of course were the namesake of Rolf's Dolomite wheels, which of course were abject pieces of shit. And fun fact - Rolf is still around and still makes wheels! Who knew?! Thankfully it seems they are still making wheels with less and less spokes.
- For posterity
- This is OK beer provided its cold, and what I presume you'd drink while spectating at VDS (yes, its a Mexican beer, but Mexico and Italy are essentially the same since their respective languages are based on English and just adding "o" at the end of words)
- VDS is very close to a town called Malè, which apparently is largely inhabited by, umm, very "happy" men...Unsurprisingly, they all ride 29ers...NTTAWWT
- Since Italy did not even qualify for the big kickball WC tournament, this is their WC event this year. Expect a big fan turn out, donned with gold chains, track suits and Addidas sneakers...or shit, am I thinking of Irish dudes? Regardless, they'll be a lot of euro-trash there like @Sandro and @Mo(n)arch
- Chef Boyardee was actually a real person, and an Italian no less! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ettore_Boiardi
- So I was wrong when I laughed off the whole Jeebus story as a fairy tale invented by people who wanted to take money from poor people by promising them immortality. Why you ask? Because the current Pope doesn't seem as bat shit crazy as his predecessors? Nope to the Pope (although some of his costumes are pretty sweet)...It's because of Ben Mutha Fuggin Cathro. Its pretty clear to me he is in fact Jeebus returned from his astral walk about. Only an entity with divine perception can decode line choices like that guy. It should also be noted that Ben is likely of Italian descent (or perhaps Mexican) since his name ends in "o".
Done and done...This shit is too easy:
1.) El Duce: WTF you might say, since I've used this one before in a previous technical race breakdown...well that and he's been dead for almost 75 years. But lest you forget, Jeebus walks among us once again, so yeah, the dead are rising again as was foretold in J.R.R.R.R.R.R Tol...wait, one more R, Tolkein's Return of the King (specifically, the Deadmen of Dunharrow). Anyway, the loquacious El Douche displays his typical false machismo and bravado before the race, declaring that he will el Mako Italio greato againo and something about building a wall to keep those swarthy Greeks out...El Douche obliterates the track on a custom Ferrari hoverboard, which ends up convincing the industry lizardos to start shifting back to smaller wheels...On the podium, he makes some ridiculous remarks about Judge Whoppner being Italian and then proceeds to bring a gaggle of hookers up on stage to spray with champagne while they urinate on bedding products...thats when his fake skin colored skull cap pops off, revealing the bizarrely colored comb over of the POTUS. God (or Ben?) damn it, the Don is back it seems
2.) Johannes Von Klebelsberg - Another WTF? But this is what the tea leaves are saying people. So since JVK is Italian, it makes perfect sense he has a home court advantage on VDS and puts his innate knowledge of the track to good use. No surprise there. The real mystery is why a guy with a German name is listed as an Italian. Although, I suppose the 2 countries did team up awhile ago to make things pretty shitty for most of the world, so there's that. But JVK rocks the obligatory Ancillotti DH bike that all Italian riders are required to ride, but in lieu of using Formula brakes (i.e. he prefers brakes that don't fail regularly...just ask Greg Williamson about that), he opts for a set of Bavarian stoppers - Magura Gustavs. Wonder if we can mix Gustav calipers with Saint levers?
3.) Enzo Gorlami - Donning his traditional white tux and an unmistakable air of sophistication, Enzo rips the shit out of VDS on a vintage Moto Guzzi, seeming to be on the hunt for something...oh that's right, he's looking for scalps (turns out he wants them). Upon cornering JVK on the podium (with a particularly sharp M1905 bayonet in hand), he is somewhat disappointed to learn that JVK is Italino and in no way a "Nassi". And yes, this scene still cracks me up -
4.) Michael Avenatti - Damn straight...where ever the Cheetoh in Charge goes, so goes barrister Avenatti, especially if it means returning to his ancestral home. This guy wants his scalps too, but not the kind made up of cranial follicles (although an orange scalp would be a fun conversation piece at dinner parties)...Avenatti wants to make a deal with the "master" of deal making, and we're talking about an expensive deal at that. I mean lets face it, its going to cost you big time to make someone sit around a hotel room and watch endless hours of Shark Week with you. Jumping on the shoulders of his most famous client, Avenatti storms to an impressive 4th place (a "real stormer of a run" as Needles might say). He then makes sure to hand out his business cards to the champagne soaked podium hookers, as you never know where your next client might come from.
5.) @FSM - You're God (Ben?) Damn right, what invisible deity is not going to take advantage of his only begotten son offering up free track tips? Plus, we all know the FSM loves hanging out in a country that is chock full of his sheeple, who celebrate his divine holiness at practically every meal. The Pope & Co. might get all the attention (and money), but the real star of the show in Italio is the noodly hero himself. Creating an incredibly light, strong and UV resistant bike out of manicotti shells, the FSM powers home to a solid 5th place - and the only reason why he didn't take the win was because he couldn't figure out how to put his goggles over his dislocated meatball eyes. Oddly, he seems to have taken a shine to Mr. Avenatti's client, perhaps implying she may be the mother of his only begotten son given that she (like Mary in the other less believable mythology) is a bit, umm, promiscuous.
Donnas -
1.) Rach: Zzzzzzz
2.) Tahnee: maybe she'll race only in a sports bra since thats apparently her standard pit kit
3.) Trace: obligatory "stay on yer bike Trace"
4.) Elenora Farina: b/c she's Italino
5.) Pom-Pom: hope she didn't get banged up in qualies
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to that last chute to rock huck into another chute followed by a gnarly corner. If they only put two cameras on track for the broadcast, they should put them there. 
That 2nd chute isn't the infamous "step down" is it? Regardless, this track is cray-gnar. Also wonder if GM could theoretically race, but figured this ain't the one to come back on (especially in light of the savage frame bifurcation last year).
Mriam was airlifted and is probably out. bummer
https://www.pinkbike.com/news/myriam-nicole-injured-val-di-sole-dh-world-cup-2018.html
https://www.pinkbike.com/news/myriam-nicole-injured-val-di-sole-dh-world-cup-2018.html
Damn.
Full armor would seem to be in order for this race.
Full armor would seem to be in order for this race.
isn't italy a full armor location?
Some more raw while we wait for that pinkbike/Cathro collaboration.
Yup, can relate. I ate shit on the steeps of O-chute on Monday.
Did in my right thumb, twisted crowns and a not too straight front wheel. 4th run of the day, so I did a lot of sitting around wrenching on the bike and icing the thumb. End result, bike is rideable, thumb, not so much. Can't do squat, including the inability to hold a beer. Thank god for spare hands, although they work hugely better as a pair.My question is why it always the dominant hand you fuck up?
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luuuuuucaaaaaa
Fuckin' A. Been hoping he'd grab a win for a while now. This will be his day.
qualify 3rd and 6th. start before all the riders you just beat. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Was Dean lucas preparing for a horse race before dropping into the DH track? This takes TLD pajamas paradigm to another level...
those polka dots trikots are rather questionable too
Tough, tough track for sure. Lots of crashes. Lo and Loris always keep me at the edge of my seat. Their eagerness to win keeps them too close to the edge for my taste
Yup, the whole kit seems taken from a horse race or le tour at the 50s.