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What is an "epic ride" to you?

JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
13,138
1,377
Front Range, dude...
So as I was unpacking my kit the other day at the trail head, a group of riders was coming in, fully geared up as if they had just ridden down K2, all congratulating themselves on an "Epic ride brah..." I asked one how it was and he said "Epic brah..." "Really?" says I. "Totally brah..." "How many miles you get?" "I dont know, let me check brah...8 total. Totally epic..."

Uhh, 8? Maybe I am getting old...but an 8 mile ride that doesnt include lifts or shuttles or helo support is, in my book, hardly epic brah...I always have considered epics to be 6 to 8 hours, food, planned breaks/sag stops etc.

So Monkeys...what would you brahs consider epic?

(And yeah brah, I may have added a brah or two...just for added brah-osity)

(And yes, I was headed out on the same trail...brah)
 

stevew

unique white person
Sep 21, 2001
38,197
7,661
that pic of pesqueeb looking crushed sitting by the side of the trail....epic.
 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
19,087
6,167
I have no idea where I am
If it involves falling over in the fetal position, hypothermia, EMT's, wilderness first responders, or hallucinations, then it's been an epic ride. But Like I said before, I go by time in the woods not miles. I could take you on a ride that is only 8 miles but will take over 3 hours and you would curse me the entire time.

Three hours is about my max the past couple of years or so. When I lived in Assville, a lot of riders wouldn't think of doing anything less than 8 hours on a Sunday. And I don't recall any of them referring to the ride as"epic".
 

boostindoubles

Nacho Libre
Mar 16, 2004
6,728
4,601
Yakistan
Epic is a combination of pain, joy, and satisfaction that is relative to one's experience and knowledge. Your brah's may be novices or thinly disguised roadies.
 

jstuhlman

bagpipe wanker
Dec 3, 2009
15,155
10,486
Cackalacka du Nord
For me, doesn't matter how far, how remote...it's the rides where I can't wipe the big ass smile off my face at the end.

I probably don't ever use the term "epic" though.
 

jdcamb

Tool Time!
Feb 17, 2002
18,894
6,942
Nowhere Man!
Well every ride I do is epic, maybe not so much for me. But for whomever I may be riding with, it will surely be epic long wait for them while I catch up.
 

6thElement

Schrodinger's Immigrant
Jul 29, 2008
12,824
9,719
Tour Divide was pretty up there.
The 100 mile NUE races rate pretty highly.

Locally, for a ride I'm organizing any time I warn my riding buddies it's going to take all day and to come prepared is normally a good time too.
 

mantispf2000

Turbo Monkey
Aug 9, 2001
1,788
221
Nevada, 2 hours from Mammoth
Epic brah-dom for me is.......

Any event I finish, whether 24hour or Thursday Night Series,
The ride along Ocean View Drive from Pacific Grove to Monterey Aquarium with my wife,
Any training ride, no matter how long distance or time, where I've beaten my previous best time or learned something new,
And most importantly.........
ALL rides I do to go out and visit Alaina. Nothing like checking in with my co-pilot.

In other words, if it involves my bike, it's epic. (that could be taken wrong)
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
50,115
15,558
Sleazattle
I don't use the term epic but I think any of the following things would apply

-A ride that results in a 1000 yard stare
-Getting chased by something that could cause either serious injury or incarceration
-Unexpected what the fucking fuck weather
 

4130biker

PM me about Tantrum Cycles!
May 24, 2007
3,881
446
Lizard Town
When everyone in the group has a meltdown/ bonk at some point during the day long ride. Then campfire burgers at the end.
 

eric strt6

Resident Curmudgeon
Sep 8, 2001
21,268
10,818
directly above the center of the earth
Long ass day in the saddle that at points Kicks your ass, scares the shit out of you, causes mechanicals, has you whooping and hollering, yet leaves you exhausted , scratched up , bloody and sore,with a shit eating grin while consuming much post ride food and libation
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
50,115
15,558
Sleazattle
Before I knew what "geometry" was, I ran a hardtail made for a 100mm fork with an old 63mm fork. My center of gravity sat about 2mm behind the front axle and it took little more than a large pebble to launch me over the bars. Every ride on that thing was epic. Once an apporpriate fork was installed the bike turned out great, but I think I still suffer from a little OTB PTSD.
 

ALEXIS_DH

Tirelessly Awesome
Jan 30, 2003
6,075
713
Lima, Peru, Peru
1) any ride that ends with a compound fracture; or any sort of injury that requires a trauma surgeon
2) any ride that requires me to board a plane
3) any ride with 3+ hours of shuttling (bonus point if there are enough shuttle rigs to race uphill for 2-3 hours).
 

cecil

Turbo Monkey
Jun 3, 2008
2,064
2,345
with the voices in my head
Any ride I don't see a pack of clones in their favorite bike shop "kit" matching road bikes with fake tread air brushed on their road tires acting as if the trails are their personal race course that we are trespassing on
 

TN

Hey baby, want a hot dog?
Jul 9, 2002
14,302
1,353
Jimtown, CO
My epic rides are based on time & not mileage. If I spend all day on my bike that is epic.
 

jonKranked

Detective Dookie
Nov 10, 2005
80,427
19,772
media blackout
Tequila the night before, shotgunning beer before the ride, smoking pot from an apple, going faster than you have any business going, almost getting bit in the ass by a rattlesnake while having diarrhea by a cactus because of the tequila, railing a long downhill, then beers grilling and surfing.