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What should I do? (Ex girlfriend content)

Should I get back together with my ex?

  • Yes

    Votes: 16 32.7%
  • No

    Votes: 33 67.3%

  • Total voters
    49

Total Heckler

Beer and Bike Enthusiast
Apr 28, 2005
8,083
18
Santa Cruz, CA
I'm just curious if anyone had any opinions on what I should do... Sorry this is a lame/emo post

My ex and I have been broken up for 3 months now. We were together for 2 years and living with each other. The relationship was ended by me because I really needed some space. I felt married. I am young and really don’t want that right now. She now lives on her own and she has a better hold on her life now rather than living off of me.

So my question is, should I try and get back with her? I am in love with her. I don’t know what to do. It makes me sick thinking about her with anyone else. I am a total mess right now. Should we try again or should I move on?
 

Zark

Hey little girl, do you want some candy?
Oct 18, 2001
6,257
7
Reno 911
Normally with any breakup I say never go back. It didn't work last time, why would you expect a different result this time?

But in this case your reason was stupid ;) Give her a chance again loverboy
 

Ciaran

Fear my banana
Apr 5, 2004
9,844
11
So Cal
splat said:
Lets interpret this .

I felt tied down , I booted her out , it been 3 moths with no action , now I'm horny.

That about it ?
ouch! BURN!

I'll tell ya this much. If you get back together with her you better be ready for commitment.
 

Spunger

Git yer dumb questions here
Feb 19, 2003
2,258
0
805
I've lived with my girlfriend for the last 2.......ehhhh 3 years or so :) We've been together for at total of 5 1/2 years so far. By the way, we met when we were 18, now 23 so I consider myself in that "young" catagory.

Truthfully if you want to get back the worst you can do is try for it and if she says no, then you gotta accept that at this point in your and her life, you guys wern't ment to be.

Usually like Zark said, sometimes it's better that you split up, and sometimes things do work out, sometimes they dont. In alot of ways once you let something go sometimes it comes back, somtimes your S.O.L.

Good luck though, at one point I had a girlfriend that I was that way about. It was probably because she was my first real girlfriend. Now that I've experienced a long term relationship I can see there's benifits of them that short term one's don't offer.
 

Slugman

Frankenbike
Apr 29, 2004
4,027
0
Miami, FL
If you felt that there was too much commitment and that it was a BAD thing that you felt like you were married - then do not go back.

You're obviously too young and feel the need to 'sow your wild oats', otherwise you would not have ended a 2 year relationship.

You made the split - to get back together now would not resolve the issues that DO exist, and just lead to another break-up further down the road. And at that point it might be worse than it is now... or lead to infidelity when/if you are married.

I'm not trying to put you down either, for all any of us know you latched onto this girl and got too serious too fast, and it was the right move.

Go live your life and explore, grow up a little too.
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,965
35
Brunettes said:
Females are nothing but trouble, end of story.
Especially brunettes.

Badum TSS!



Thank you, I'll be here all week.
 

Total Heckler

Beer and Bike Enthusiast
Apr 28, 2005
8,083
18
Santa Cruz, CA
I mean, should I give it another chance? I mean, basically the last time we talked I told her if she was happy with how things are now, I will move on. But if she is willing to try again, I am game. I just really need to figure out what I want and what she is willing to do.
 

OGRipper

back alley ripper
Feb 3, 2004
9,862
298
NORCAL is the hizzle
Are you just upset that she is doing fine without you? Did you expect her to just curl up in a ball and hide from the world?

And are you sure you even have the choice? Does she want to get back with you? What happens in 6 months when you start feeling all tied down again?

You dumped her and she has moved on. You probably should too.

But one possible solution is to be non-exclusive. That has to go both ways and is pretty hard to make work. I don't know you but I'm not sure you're mature enough to pull it off.
 

Ciaran

Fear my banana
Apr 5, 2004
9,844
11
So Cal
If you're 20 I would say that you have a lot of more important things to do then get married. Go out and live and experience life.

FWIW The wife and I got together when we were 27. We split up once and got back together. We were together 7 years before we got married, living together for 5 - 6yrs. Also, we both know that if we had met when we were 20 we would have hated each other.

Your 20's are a time to learn and grow, more so than your teens. Who you are now may not be who you are at 25 or 30.
 

OGRipper

back alley ripper
Feb 3, 2004
9,862
298
NORCAL is the hizzle
I posted before I saw your last response. You need to decide for yourself. There are people here who will tell you to try to make it work, and others who will tell you to move on. There was something powerful enough to make you dump her before, and I don't see what has changed other than the fact that you see her thriving without you. It seems selfish to suddently want her back. If you thought it was too much before, you should be happy for her and get on with your life, that is what you wanted. On the other hand, if she was too dependent on you before and you can see that she is now more indepedent, maybe there's a chance. We don't know either of you well enough to make the call...but I can tell you this, it's a rare breakup that doesn't result in some regrets, even if both sides will be better off apart. The mere fact that you are bummed doesn't mean you should get back together.
 

effinewguy

Chimp
Nov 14, 2005
9
0
PB, CA
Seriously, let it go dude. I'm not you, but I've been down a similar road. I broke up, b/c I needed space. I got back b/c I missed her. Shortly after, I realized I really was unable to be w/ her exclusively. I ended up stuck in a lease, she wouldn't let go, and I wouldn't let her let go. We drug each other through the mud for over a year and a half of mutual destruction. It was the worst experience of my life. Now, I'm jaded.

FNG
 

skatetokil

Turbo Monkey
Jan 2, 2005
2,384
0
DC/Bluemont VA
yeah man, consider yourself lucky if you manage to avoid the mutual destruction phase of a long term relationship that has been going on too long. you will have a sunnier view of humanity and will probably be a better adjusted person.
 

Slugman

Frankenbike
Apr 29, 2004
4,027
0
Miami, FL
Ciaran said:
Also, we both know that if we had met when we were 20 we would have hated each other.
LOL - my wife and I were once in the same room not 5 feet away from each other and didn't even get introduced to each other... she was living with her BF and I was 'seeing' her freind. It was just not the time for us to meet.
 

ThePriceSeliger

Mushhead
Mar 31, 2004
4,861
0
Denver, Colorado
Man, I love RideMonkey more than the next guy, but there are good when it comes to bike related questions. Do what you want! You said you were/are in love with her. If you think thats what your missing in your life is this girl, then get her back dude!
 

MMike

A fowl peckerwood.
Sep 5, 2001
18,222
86
just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
Life's sto short to get hooked up with one chick when you're 20....

Dated a girl from the age of 18 until I was....23...almost 24 I think. I missed out on some "things"...."Sorry I have a girlfriend"....wah wah...

We ended up breaking up anyway.... What a waste......

My recommendation: At 20, never spend more that 1...MAYBE 2 months with the same girl.
 

-dustin

boring
Jun 10, 2002
7,162
1
austin
MMike said:
Life's sto short to get hooked up with one chick when you're 20....

Dated a girl from the age of 18 until I was....23...almost 24 I think. I missed out on some "things"...."Sorry I have a girlfriend"....wah wah...

We ended up breaking up anyway.... What a waste......

My recommendation: At 20, never spend more that 1...MAYBE 2 months with the same girl.
i've been with my g/f since i was 21. we graduate pretty soon. that'll be when the fun really begins. and by "fun", i mean: that's pretty much do or die for me. i've been thinking about it, and have no idea what i really want to do.
 

laura

DH_Laura
Jul 16, 2002
6,260
15
Glitter Gulch
this thread is funny. should you get back with her? I wouldn't be so sure she wants anything to do with you. you reason for leaving was weak at best. she's got a better hold on her life now? maybe she's moved on. hindsight is 20/20.
 

BKQuill

Turbo Monkey
Dec 19, 2004
1,016
0
Rangers Lead the Way
:stupid:
Get out and experience what life has got to offer, you might be surpised what is out there waiting. There will be plenty of time to "settle down". Take it from an "old man".
 

Brian HCM#1

MMMMMMMMM BEER!!!!!!!!!!
Sep 7, 2001
31,671
114
Bay Area, California
BKQuill said:
:stupid:
Get out and experience what life has got to offer, you might be surpised what is out there waiting. There will be plenty of time to "settle down". Take it from an "old man".
Definitely at that age there is way too much fun to be had,
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
30,721
3,742
Portland, OR
Get back together, get married, then get a quick and easy divorce. The second wife is way better, trust me on that one. Life is great after you get your starter wife out of the way. It's like your first house. It's not a dream house, but you build some equity, get some tax write offs, then upgrade before you get too deep.
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,965
35
jimmydean said:
Get back together, get married, then get a quick and easy divorce. The second wife is way better, trust me on that one. Life is great after you get your starter wife out of the way. It's like your first house. It's not a dream house, but you build some equity, get some tax write offs, then upgrade before you get too deep.
Uh, the current housing market doesn't guaranty a 50% loss in the investment.
 

blt2ride

Turbo Monkey
May 25, 2005
2,334
0
Chatsworth
Zark said:
Normally with any breakup I say never go back. It didn't work last time, why would you expect a different result this time?

But in this case your reason was stupid ;) Give her a chance again loverboy
I agree 100% with that. Hopefully, she'll take you back...

Off topic here, but a question for Noah--are you going to Fontucky this weekend? We're going to bring some beer and what not on Sunday.
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
30,721
3,742
Portland, OR
H8R said:
Uh, the current housing market doesn't guaranty a 50% loss in the investment.
I said "It's like your first house..." not get your first wife AND your first house. Keep them seperate, like your bank accounts.
 

Trond

Monkey
Oct 22, 2002
288
0
Oslo, Norway
It's completely normal to have second doubts when you're getting out of a relationship where you still like the girl, or don't have a definite happening to "label" the cause of breakup. Feeling tied up is only a matter of definition (relative, so different people have different limits when it comes to this). That also means that you'll start forgetting soon, and think things like "it wasn't that bad" etc.

Then you'll see her thriving outside the relationship, and she is most likely more herself now than with you - and it's maybe those traits you fell for in the first place?

In situations like this I think it's mostly chemistry that decides it. If you don't have it, then don't sweat it. Unless you have kids. Then you can start working on it. If you're young, then let it go. It sucks, cause she's cool, but just not with you - or vice versa. I have ex's like that, we're still the best of friends - but as a partner it didn't work out.

I don't know if this made any sense at all...