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What would you do with a bathtub full of Fig Newtons?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by r464, Feb 9, 2008.

  1. r464

    r464 Turbo Monkey

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    Scenario:

    Your bathtub is full of Fig Newtons.

    What do you do next?
     
    #1 -   Feb 9, 2008

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  2. syadasti

    syadasti i heart mac

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    Demand an exchange for Barbara's Fig Bars, they are way better. Maybe a mix of raspberry and blueberry bars...

    Barbara's Fig Bars
     
    #2 -   Feb 9, 2008
  3. Spero

    Spero ass rainbow

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    Wait 'till valentine's day.

    Call a female over.

    Hide underneath the newtons with only my junk poking out of the top.
     
    #3 -   Feb 9, 2008
  4. w00dy

    w00dy In heaven there is no beer

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    that's why we drink it here
    Get someone to hold my feet while I do a tub stand.
     
    #4 -   Feb 9, 2008
  5. Broken_Spoke

    Broken_Spoke Mr. Big Hot Pastrami

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    Invite the large waitress from IHOP over so she can get rid of them.
     
    #5 -   Feb 9, 2008
  6. johnbryanpeters

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    Add enough hypoid 90 weight gear oil to almost cover the fig newtons.
    Simmer gently for four hours until tender and feed to the neighbors.
     
    #6 -   Feb 9, 2008
  7. Broken_Spoke

    Broken_Spoke Mr. Big Hot Pastrami

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    That would wreak no other.
     
    #7 -   Feb 9, 2008
  8. LordOpie

    LordOpie MOTHER HEN

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    Knowing you, I get the strange feeling that this isn't hypothetical.

    Something you wanna share?

    :D
     
    #8 -   Feb 9, 2008
  9. Broken_Spoke

    Broken_Spoke Mr. Big Hot Pastrami

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    If this isn't hypothetical how would you manage procuring enough fig newtons to fill a bath tub? As I am assuming a normal bath tubs holds between 15 and 20 gallons. Where do you get 15-20 gallons of fig newtons?
     
    #9 -   Feb 9, 2008
  10. CrabJoe StretchPants

    CrabJoe StretchPants Reincarnated Crab Walking Head Spinning Bruce Dick

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    The whole supply of Fig Newtons from every supermarket within a 5 mile radius of your house. Besides, I think a tub is probably closer to 30 gallons.
     
  11. BurlyShirley

    BurlyShirley Rex Grossman Will Rise Again

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    Do you ALWAYS have to pimp some quasi-counterculture alternative to every product ever mentioned on this site? Jesus Christ man! It gets old.
     
  12. CrabJoe StretchPants

    CrabJoe StretchPants Reincarnated Crab Walking Head Spinning Bruce Dick

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    How else is he supposed to feel special?
     
  13. syadasti

    syadasti i heart mac

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    Boohoo. Why do we have to hear about overpriced bikes and microbrew all the time. Wash the sand out :blah:
     
  14. Broken_Spoke

    Broken_Spoke Mr. Big Hot Pastrami

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    Thats just too many fig newtons. I think my brain crapped itself thinking about how many packages that is.
     
  15. CrabJoe StretchPants

    CrabJoe StretchPants Reincarnated Crab Walking Head Spinning Bruce Dick

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    :shocked:

    Unpossible.
     
  16. johnbryanpeters

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    Naw. Our bathtub is roughly 23" x 51" x 14", 16,400 cubic inches, which comes out to about 70 gallons.
     
  17. Broken_Spoke

    Broken_Spoke Mr. Big Hot Pastrami

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    This keeps getting more insane
     
  18. Dartman

    Dartman Old Bastard Mike

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    A few good bong hits and then things really get ugly.

    nom nom nom nom nom
     
  19. johnbryanpeters

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    If you don't have a good idea of the volume of your bathtub then you, sirrah, are a Godless Communist! :monkey:
     
  20. Westy

    Westy the teste

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    I would sit on my toilet lean towards the tub and eat them, poop, repeat.
     
  21. offsprung

    offsprung Monkey

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    that amount does not exist.
     
  22. clockworked

    clockworked Chimp

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    what the hell is a fig newton?
     
  23. offsprung

    offsprung Monkey

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    WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?
     
  24. splat

    splat Nam I am

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    Well Maybe Windows is Bearable ! Unix Rules !
    Actually

    :stupid: I can and have lived on them before!!
     
  25. clockworked

    clockworked Chimp

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    I'm from Australia.
    Are they like our koala bars? Those and crocodile bites are our top chocolates
     
  26. berkshire_rider

    berkshire_rider Growler

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    Old, clawfoot tubs would hold 70 gallons. New jacuzzi tubs are pretty big, too.
     
  27. johnbryanpeters

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    I was ignoring the overflow. It's too small for the fig newtons to fit into.

    clockworked - they're a soft cookie shell around fig paste.
     
  28. clockworked

    clockworked Chimp

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    oooohhhh. we have something like that. but the paste is made of a heap of different fruits.


    if you had that and a multi vitamin, i reckon you could live on them for a pretty long time!
     
  29. johnbryanpeters

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    They're pretty good for food on the trail and I also hear that they fill bathtubs pretty well.
     
  30. offsprung

    offsprung Monkey

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    oh ok. i thought you might have been a waterhead or lived under a rock, but i stand corrected.

    how are things going in my second favorite country?
     
  31. LordOpie

    LordOpie MOTHER HEN

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    :disgust1:
     
  32. johnbryanpeters

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    :stupid:
     
  33. clockworked

    clockworked Chimp

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    yeah not too bad. i'm still trying to convince a confectionary company to develop the koala bar though...
     
  34. clockworked

    clockworked Chimp

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    its funny, not including australia, and after canada, your country is my 2nd favourite country too!
     
  35. offsprung

    offsprung Monkey

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    i visited sydney and perth and freemantle im 2001, it was awesome.
     
  36. clockworked

    clockworked Chimp

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    nice! one of those places is a proper city!

    because of the mining boom Western Australia wants to become its own cuntry. i wish they would - they're practically Saffers anyway
     
  37. offsprung

    offsprung Monkey

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    saffers?
     
  38. johnbryanpeters

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    South Africans
     
  39. Quo Fan

    Quo Fan don't make me kick your ass

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    Here. I'm just not sure where "here" is.
    Are the Newtons stacked neatly, or haphazardly tossed in?
     
  40. johnbryanpeters

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    Haphazardly. If they're stacked neatly, the Newton flux becomes too great and it goes critical.