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When naked canoeists attack!

N8 v2.0

Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Oct 18, 2002
11,003
149
The Cleft of Venus
McDonald County bans nudity on rivers
Sheriff's wife, another woman allegedly attacked by naked canoeists
The Joplin Globe | 15 Jul | John Hacker

PINEVILLE, Mo. - McDonald County commissioners, prompted by what is being described as a weekend attack on two women, on Wednesday passed an ordinance that would ban nudity on the rivers in the county.

The alleged attack, which included the McDonald County sheriff's wife, occurred west of Pineville on the Elk River.

"It was a horrible experience, but at least something good came out of it," said Diane Smith, Bella Vista, Ark., one of the victims in the weekend attack. "Every Saturday and Sunday this year has been like spring break for people to come down here and get intoxicated."

"We want the canoeists here, and we're glad they can come here and have a good time, but we want them to show respect," Smith said. "The way it is now, you cannot come down here if you have children."

McDonald County Sheriff Robert Evenson said Smith, his wife, Pepper Evenson, and their children were relaxing Saturday on a private beach in a subdivision in which Smith is a landowner.

Evenson said a group of about 20 canoeists rounded a curve on the river near the beach. Several of the women in the group were topless, and Smith asked the women to put their shirts back on because of the presence of the children.

Smith said the group started cursing at her and Pepper Evenson, so she pulled out her cellular phone and started to call 911.

"They got really upset, and one guy went crazy," Smith said. "He grabbed the phone and threw it in the river and hit me twice and threw me down on the ground. Our children were nearby, and they were screaming and very upset. One of the women jumped on Pepper's back when she pulled out her phone, but she was able to hold on to her phone and call for help."

Evenson said an Olathe, Kan., man, Michael McCray Royal, 26, was charged with felony second-degree robbery in connection with taking the phone. Four misdemeanors - third-degree assault, two counts of second-degree endangering the welfare of a child and one count of trespassing - were also filed against Royal.

Evenson said Royal was arrested when he and three other deputies intercepted the group of canoeists downstream from the location of the attack. Evenson said a group of eight off-duty Springfield police officers, who happened to be canoeing on the river that day, stood by to help, but they were not needed.

Royal was released from McDonald County Jail on Sunday on $50,000 bond. He is scheduled to appear in McDonald County Associate Circuit Court for a bond appearance hearing at 10 a.m. on July 26.

Evenson said he, Prosecutor Steve Geeding and the commissioners had been discussing an ordinance banning nudity on the river for several weeks, but this incident prompted them to draw up and pass the ordinance.

"To be honest, in years past, it hasn't been a big deal. But this year, for some reason, we've seen a lot of incidents," Evenson said. "We've had several incidents of men and women blatantly flashing people on the river and on beaches. This fight was just the final straw."

The ordinance, as passed, reads: "Due to excessive fighting, injuries, and concerns for the health and safety of minor children and families caused by nudity or partial nudity on and in McDonald County's waters, this nudity and partial nudity is hereby prohibited."

The ordinance defines the crime as a class A misdemeanor, punishable with a fine of up to $1,000.

Geeding said counties in Arkansas on the Illinois River have a similar ordinance, but he could not find anything similar in Missouri.

Geeding said he wrote the ordinance after confirming with the Missouri attorney general's office that nudity on the river was not a form of speech protected by the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.

Geeding said the ordinance was passed unanimously by the commissioners and takes effect immediately.

Evenson said officers assigned to river patrol will start enforcing the ordinance immediately, with no warnings or grace period.
 

llkoolkeg

Ranger LL
Sep 5, 2001
4,335
15
in da shed, mon, in da shed
As usual, a couple bad apples spoil the whole damned bunch. Now all the people who want to get drunkly combative with families on the shore will have to do so with clothes on. Kinda takes all the fun out of it.
 

llkoolkeg

Ranger LL
Sep 5, 2001
4,335
15
in da shed, mon, in da shed
Lexx D said:
:think: Funny how they blame the boobies and not the booze.
I know. Booze and boobies; they seem inexorably linked. Whether it be at frat houses, outdoor concerts, in the streets rioting after a sports win or just jiggling merrily down the rapids, where one is the other shall closely follow! :love:
 

Lexx D

Dirty Dozen
Mar 8, 2004
1,480
0
NY
Slugman said:
I blame the cellphone... if she had not gone for her phone, the canoes would have just drifted down river. :p
That or shut her mouth and let them go away. But no she's the wife of a cop and it's her duty to join her in on husbands power trip.
 
J

JRB

Guest
Lexx D said:
That or shut her mouth and let them go away. But no she's the wife of a cop and it's her duty to join her in on husbands power trip.

She should have been at the salon and none of this would've happened.
 

Bldr_DH

Monkey
Aug 8, 2003
762
0
NO BO CO
Well, of course it's gonna happen in Arkansas... that's where the guy shot his nut off by putting a bullet in his car's fusebox (story courtesy of lewis black/some newspaper in Arkansas)
 

Skookum

bikey's is cool
Jul 26, 2002
10,184
0
in a bear cave
i've always hated arkansas, i mean firstly they rip off another states name and put "ar" in front of it, then they play it off like they're original by pronouncing it completely different. What a joke, can we trade that state to another country for an island or something?
 

llkoolkeg

Ranger LL
Sep 5, 2001
4,335
15
in da shed, mon, in da shed
Skookum said:
What a joke, can we trade that state to another country for an island or something?
Where the hell would they put the Clinton Library then? We need that temple to the legacy of Bill located somewhere his supporters can actually get to. You can't safely pilot a bass boat or Winnebago across ocean swells to an island, now!
 

N8 v2.0

Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Oct 18, 2002
11,003
149
The Cleft of Venus
Bldr_Freerider said:
Well, of course it's gonna happen in Arkansas... that's where the guy shot his nut off by putting a bullet in his car's fusebox (story courtesy of lewis black/some newspaper in Arkansas)

Hey Geographic Whiz:

"MO" is the two letter abbreviation for, stay with me now, Missouri! Wierd huh? I think they tried to use "MO" as the abbreviation for Arkansas but it was too confusin' fer the slack-jawed yokels.

:nope:
 
J

JRB

Guest
N8 said:
I'm trying to figure out what 'partial nudity' is...???

:monkey:

It's when your junk is poking out of the top of your shorts like a periscope.
 

Bldr_DH

Monkey
Aug 8, 2003
762
0
NO BO CO
N8 said:
Hey Geographic Whiz:

"MO" is the two letter abbreviation for, stay with me now, Missouri! Wierd huh? I think they tried to use "MO" as the abbreviation for Arkansas but it was too confusin' fer the slack-jawed yokels.

:nope:

Ha, my bad... sorry. I just skimmed a little bit of it and saw Arkansas mentioned... it reminded me of Lewis Black's story, which I thought was rather funny. I didn't mean to piss anyone off. It was a joke. Again, sorry that I offended you
 

Random

Chimp
Aug 14, 2001
69
0
Joplin, MO
N8 said:
Hey Geographic Whiz:

"MO" is the two letter abbreviation for, stay with me now, Missouri! Wierd huh? I think they tried to use "MO" as the abbreviation for Arkansas but it was too confusin' fer the slack-jawed yokels.

:nope:

Close enough to arkansas. Most of the camgrounds have already banned alcohol because of all the fighting. It gets crzy on Elk river during the summer.

I also think the guy got a special treatment from the arresting officers. You don't mess with the cops in Mac County