All was good the summer of 2009 began and the spring of 2009 had ended. New under me is a Haro Mary 29 and deep in me is a high amount of marijuana residue. Don't use anything other then so I wind up on this navy base. Racing submarines, just had finished with 3rd place on my bicycle that weekend. While on base and not getting stone I got on Skoal citrus. Great stuff if you like passing out in the sun and waking up so fogged you can be anywhere and not understand the difference. Beer here and there I was just 18. Skoal became regular, daily, addicted. College began that fall, moved away. Yay. Dip in mouth more then not. Pot on hand when not it was. Then comes almost the end of the first month of moving away from my family. The LSD came on then all was good, just couldn't handle dipping tobacco. I would give up the dip and use the LSD when I wasn't dipping. Making it through semester was fine next year I began hustling pots. Pot user from Vietnam the infamous popper. He would get a pot I would get OC he would get speed I would get more. Summer comes round, all is the same as spring. Not much bicycle racing. Oh I stopped racing that October and was off the bike all through winter. The annual Single Speed a Palooza rolls up and bam there I go sniffing speed in the rain. I make half of one lap and quit. I drove home and haven't raced my bicycle, any races any days. Began smoking cigarettes another demotivation. That summer began the pack per day. Dippless cool chicks dig that redneck with a camel over that redneck with the skoal. Everything changes I get better and better. Hooters were ringing my ears off. Then new years eve 2010 comes up. Phreaking concert goer lets me overdose on that LSD. I freaked out and cut my hair. Still using speed and banging my dreams of the teens. No more LSD use in 2011. Summer came round and I wound up lost in a festival in West Virginia. Next thing I remember is overdosing off coke and until now I mean now hated food. Despised the thought of eating. After that 2011 concert I wind up back in college. First day before classes I get me and myself arrested. Running from the police officer on foot drunk on a quart of rum. Three days later arrested from the same officers trespassing. Oh somewhere between cutting off my hair and West Virginia I was kicked out of the dormitories and this is why I was trespassing. Nice cops, they joined my court dates on the same day. 2012 rings in kind of drunk now that I just turned 21. Found some LSD in a VW Rabbit took off running down forrest lanes. That day after I rode 30 miles road. Did some more tripping around and eventually burned out. Now I had a very nice car. A really good ego and whenever I had a chance I could decide on ruining my ego I did. Then I found myself ****ing scum. Couldn't handle this and was deep in a hole. On my birthday I overdosed coke. Threw up so much coke the next day the sewer rats are probably forming the next jam band. New Years Eve I passed up all drug opportunities. Did drink 2 magic hats, and smoked cigarettes. Those drinks were more then I needed. Couldn't follow that show. Hadn't drank anything in public so I went out bar hopping. All those dudes in the bar when I left didn't go anywhere. We had what was fun. Just not worth it in the morning. The next day I had two orange juices and one beer. I couldn't hold conversation with strangers after 1 beer. That is all it takes. Bars are entertaining while sober when seen another way it is mostly sadness. Life is sad suck it up, cover your own grave will you? Smoking cigarettes why I cannot explain other than dad smoke camels so I did too. Also the first camel I found was on Diablo Freeride Park. Someone dropped a pack and so I smoked it. Thought it was okay until I realized. I haven't got a girlfriend. The only girls I have been with in the past year didn't stay with me over a night. The last relationship I had was a month in 2011. I could of had my ego and motivation continuing setting and achieving goals. I have got nothing as a goal achieved in 2012. I don't know how I'll get my cross country racing again, back into that stuff is annoying. I podium top 3 in the last year I raced cat 3. That last year was 2009. What are the rules on reentering racing? Must I move up and race cat 2? This is sandbagging as much as I see. Looking forward in racing no matter what it takes. Side idea off racing is riding. Getting left out of trail riding, and maintaining of path is not fun. I used to really enjoy that.