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Woman riding a donkey fights off lion with machete

DRB

unemployed bum
Oct 24, 2002
15,243
0
Watchin' you. Writing it all down.
ACAPULCO, Mexico A Mexican woman says she fought a 500-pound lion with a machete near the resort city of Acapulco and scared him away.

Celsa Aleman said she and her 7-year-old niece were riding a donkey Monday along a road when the lion went after the animal's legs.

The 35-year-old woman said she found the courage to fight the lion because she thought it would attack her niece.

She said she hit the animal with a machete until the beast ran away and Aleman and her niece were unharmed.

The state government said in a statement that the lion had escaped from a private zoo owned by a former local congressman. It said the animal killed two dogs and ate a pig before it was sedated and taken back to the zoo.
Thank God it was a lion and not a swan.....
 

Damo

Short One Marshmallow
Sep 7, 2006
4,604
20
French Alps
Here y'go:
"1 swan (see note)
Olive oil (see note)
DIRECTIONS:
With your hands or a pastry brush, coat the entire outside of a cleaned & gutted swan (being sure to reserve the giblets for the Chaudon sauce) with olive oil. Roast on either a spit or in an oven. (A modern rotisserie may be the closest many of us will be able to come to actual spit roasting, but if that is not possible, an oven will do the job as well.) Roast until done, basting often with broth or drippings. Carve into serving pieces and serve with Chaudon sauce.

Chaudon Sauce:

Swan giblets
Salt
Broth
Unseasoned toasted breadcrumbs (see note)
Ginger
Galingale
Red Wine Vinegar
Wash the blood from the giblets, and while still wet, sprinkle with a little salt. Place in a pot, cover with water and boil until done. Remove, drain, & cool. Chop the giblets into small pieces; place giblets and the broth, spices, & breadcrumbs in a food processor (or any equivalent device) and combine into a smooth gravy-like sauce. Strain if necessary. Place in a sauceboat, add salt if necessary, and bring to a soft boil. Reduce heat to a simmer & add a little vinegar for a slight tartness. Serve with the roasted swan."
 

MikeD

Leader and Demogogue of the Ridemonkey Satinists
Oct 26, 2001
10,365
412
chez moi
They forgot the part about "pick the 9mm slug out of the bird's forehead" in my case. Or is that part of "cleaning?"

Or that in Mexico, the swan will already be macheted into bite-sized pieces, at which point it might be better to bake it into enchiladas or just broil them and smother it in mole.
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
37,595
4,448
Sleazattle
This is a perfect example of why the lounge rules. This thread should be carved into stone tablets so people can still enjoy it in a few thousand years.
 

MikeD

Leader and Demogogue of the Ridemonkey Satinists
Oct 26, 2001
10,365
412
chez moi
This is a perfect example of why the lounge rules. This thread should be carved into stone tablets so people can still enjoy it in a few thousand years.
But then you'd have to carve all the other threads in stone, too, so that you can understand the tie-ins and the whole mess will weigh 200 metric tons. It'd be the master key for how those in the neo-primitive future can decode our intarwebby way of communication. The Ridemonkey Stone. (Yet I bet they'll somehow think Drunken Ninja was the emperor of the the world...)

What kind of backpack was she wearing?
A wet one.
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
37,595
4,448
Sleazattle
But then you'd have to carve all the other threads in stone, too, so that you can understand the tie-ins and the whole mess will weigh 200 metric tons. It'd be the master key for how those in the neo-primitive future can decode our intarwebby way of communication. The Ridemonkey Stone. (Yet I bet they'll somehow think Drunken Ninja was the emperor of the the world...)



A wet one.
Just think, future satinists could worship you as their missiah.
 
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MikeD

Leader and Demogogue of the Ridemonkey Satinists
Oct 26, 2001
10,365
412
chez moi
And why I spray my computer with lichen-B-gone.
Couldn't you just hire the Moss Warriors, Skooks and JBP?

They escaped from a top-security military penitentiary and roam the country performing good works... if you can find them.
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
37,595
4,448
Sleazattle
Couldn't you just hire the Moss Warriors, Skooks and JBP?

They escaped from a top-security military penitentiary and roam the country performing good works... if you can find them.
That would explain the man I keep seeing with the handlebar mustache dressed up as an old woman riding around on some kind of rigged up moss scraping machine made out of an old tractor and diamond plate.
 

DH Diva

Wonderwoman
Jun 12, 2002
1,808
1
Thank God it was a lion and not a swan.....
The article said the women's name was Celsa Aleman, not Bjork.

However, bjork is one bad b*tch. I think she beat the crap out of a photog who got to close to her kid once. Imagine being the poor guy who has to put, "B*tch slapped by Bjork" on his resume.
 

$tinkle

Expert on blowing
Feb 12, 2003
14,591
5
would the tijuana version of this article be "woman riding a donkey beats off lion"?

i'd pay a nickel to see that.
 

MikeD

Leader and Demogogue of the Ridemonkey Satinists
Oct 26, 2001
10,365
412
chez moi
Imagine being the poor guy who has to put, "B*tch slapped by Bjork" on his resume.
Also, imagine the tiny little red handprint (on your leg around knee level...). I bet she can leave a mark, even if she can't reach too high.
 

MikeD

Leader and Demogogue of the Ridemonkey Satinists
Oct 26, 2001
10,365
412
chez moi
would the tijuana version of this article be "woman riding a donkey beats off lion"?

i'd pay a nickel to see that.
And I don't even want to think what the Vegas version would be. I bet it stars Siegfried and Roy (or just Siegfried).
 

DH Diva

Wonderwoman
Jun 12, 2002
1,808
1
Also, imagine the tiny little red handprint (on your leg around knee level...). I bet she can leave a mark, even if she can't reach too high.
Vid of her 1996 attack on reporter who was trying to talk to her son at an airport.


Bjork is kinda scary.