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You’re not Snowshoe... Lenzerheide 2019 World Cup

Sandro

Turbo Monkey
Nov 12, 2006
1,991
812
The old world
It appears there is another World Cup happening this weekend before downhill is finally coming home, so someone remind jackalope to stop by the liquor store and dispensary after work.

 

toodles

Turbo Monkey
Aug 24, 2004
2,605
764
Australia
Have they raced Lenzerheide in the rain before? I can't recall it being anything but dust. It always seemed super bike park for the most part before (except the rock garden) but now its wet it seems more mental. Also the chute section is friggen next level. That is proper steep and muddy in the Cathro vid.
 

Sandro

Turbo Monkey
Nov 12, 2006
1,991
812
The old world
Looks like it's going to be dry today and Friday and maybe some light rain Saturday afternoon, but who can really tell in the mountains. Looks nice and nasty in the wet:







 

iRider

Turbo Monkey
Apr 5, 2008
1,887
242
Quali results are in:

Elite Men (After the top 60)

PROVISIONAL

1st. Danny Hart: 2:51.242
2nd. Loic Bruni: +0.106
3rd. Troy Brosnan: +0.835
4th. Greg Minnaar: +1.286
5th. Amaury Pierron: +1.470
6th. Loris Vergier: +2.611
7th. David Trummer: +3.844
8th. Dakotah Norton: +4.143
9th. Finn Iles: +4.538
10th. Dean Lucas: +4.689


Elite Women

1st. Tracey Hannah: 3:25.364
2nd. Nina Hoffmann: +1.936
3rd. Marine Cabirou: +3.435
4th. Veronika Widmann: +8.557
5th. Emilie Siegenthaler: +8.709
6th. Eleonora Farina: +9.468
7th. Camille Balanche: +10.565
8th. Monika Hrastnik: +13.726
9th. Carina Cappellari: +15.267
10th. Kate Weatherly: +16.602

Junior Men

1st. Thibaut Daprela: 3:00.459
2nd. Kye A'Hern: +2.525
3rd. Seth Sherlock: +5.206
4th. Tuhoto-Ariki Pene: +6.389
5th. Joseph Foresta: +6.988

Junior Women

1st. Vali Höll: 3:34.755
2nd. Anna Newkirk: +8.261
3rd. Nastasia Gimenez: +29.816
4th. Lauryne Chappaz: +35.425
5th. Leane Chardonnieras: +54.298

 

Sandwich

Pig my fish!
Staff member
May 23, 2002
15,864
957
01776
Will Danny Hart top 5th?

Will Brennan Fairclough break the top 30?

Will Brook Macdonald stay on his bike long enough to crack the top 20?

Why is sandwich so damned salty?

Tune in tomorrow to find out !
 

jackalope

Mental acuity - 1%
Jan 9, 2004
5,777
1,862
in a single wide, cooking meth...

Yeah, shits about to get woke (literally) in holy cheeseland, and I for one am pretty jacked about the serious down-mountaineering that's in store for us. Despite losing its signature rock gnarty zone the track looks real AF, especially if the clouds drain their bladders as they did the day before practice. So now its time to spread out the data blanket and have a Swiss picnic that Julie Andrews would be proud of -

* Yep, its another euro country that is going with a mathematical symbol (addition sign) on their flag, which interestingly is essentially the opposite colorway of the Red Cross flag...what's the connection? Neutrality is the answer of course. But IMO, both entities would be better served to update it to the modern gender neutral symbol (which btw may be confusing to people like @Gary who live in a place where dudes occasionally wear flannel skirts)


* I've never understood the fascination with Rolex watches...I have one, and its broke AF...best of all, it never kept time that well when it was working (you had one job). Hit me up if you want a deal on a fancy paper weight.

* The Swiss are famous for their bikini "team", but its never been clear to me what they actually compete in. Regardless, I am a fan of their athletic endeavors.

* Just like with humans, baby swiss isn't aged as long as regular (i.e. adult) swiss, and offers a more buttery, milder taste when consumed.

* Switzerland is visually stunning place to live...I should very much like to become @buckoW 's doppelganger and assume his place in life after I have disposed of his body. I promise to give bro deals on the new Gambler's to my RM brethren.

* To my knowledge, Switzerland has never had a complete fucking retardian for President. They are so missing out.

* If you're in the Swiss Army, do they even bother giving you a weapon (I mean other than that handy dandy pocket knife).

* I seriously cannot believe K-Swiss is still around...as evidence, here is their new technical flat pedal riding shoe...5.10 better respect their game, as they are using their secret AARP rubber compound on the sole.



Well the ample data to plug into the Podium Maker 3000, so with no further ado:

1.) Jeansus - I just can't get enough of the denim clad speed chef. He really is my hero, and if he makes it Snowshoe, I am going to gift him a pair of my acid washed jeans from my youth. Hope he doesn't mind the button down "zipper". Anyway, Jeansus is on a holy crusade to spread the good word about modern stretchy jean fabrics, and the best way to convert people to your flock is to gain the bully pulpit, and what better to do that than winning a WC DH race? After taking the win, he partners with @mtg to create a whole new line of bike frames made out of denim and blue loctite, which will then become known as Djeanni Bikes (no word if they will offer a limited edition acid washed version).

2.) Brandon Faircloth - WTF? Our snaggly toothed Brit didn't even qualify for the finals, so how does it end on the podium? In short, never underestimate the considerable influence that one @buckoW has in Switzerland, as he hails from Moarzine and basically calls the shots around here. Brandon gets a red flag rerun because a rider crashed on his quali run (which happened to be Brandon), and that obviously slowed him down quite a bit. Simple logic really. Brandon easily qualifies, and now that he's married, he's finally ready to have sexy time with a lady, so he's in a huge rush to get to the bottom and consummate the deal. Hope to see a baby bump soon enough, so Brandon can join Remi in the sleep deprivation experiments. Needless to say, salty @Sandwich is consumed by a towering rage at such a strong result by Brandon.

3.) Egan Bernal - WTF? This guy just won the TDF, and is a needled up pavement waif, how is he even competing on a burly ass track like Lenzerheide? Think about it, he's already close by in Paris, hanging out and partying after his big win, so why not add another impressive podium to the trophy case? Rather than riding a 12 lb bike down a full on DH track, Egan opts to take the road down despite it being 18 km to the bottom. Snorting lines of TUE asthma meds before taking off, the Colombian Road warrior easily makes it down to the bottom faster than all but 2 in the field. As they say, better living through chemistry.

4.) Moscow Mitch McConnell - WTF? What is Putin's Mitch doing in Switzerland of all places? Think about it, he loves being surrounded by rich white people and more importantly, its the perfect place to meet with his Soviet handlers, being a neutral country and all. Plus, it provides a convenient opportunity to hook up with his boo, Tucker Carlson while he's on "vacation". So our favorite turtle faced comrade jumps in a fully restored T-34 (Putin spares no expense for his best assets) and barrels down the track at break neck speed to claim the 4th spot on the box. Just hope he remembers no matter how much you shake up vodka, it doesn't have champagne bubbles.

5.) Lutz Weber - WTF? This guy qualied a distant 31st place, so while he may be the only Swiss guy to qualify, this seems a bit of a stretch. But don't be too quick to judge Switzerland's favored son, as he is extra motivated to please the home crowd, especially since he's riding a special edition Weber grill (your family owning the ompany has its privileges). As most know, Weber grills were first built in Switzerland at the turn of the 20th century, which was about the same time Rolex first started making time pieces for dentists. But unlike Rolex watches, Weber grills work pretty much all the time. Rolling down on his grill bike, Lutz is up at the first 2 splits, but has to slow down from all the smoke pouring off the grill, but a 5th place finish is still a strong result. Needless to say, the post race BBQ is pretty fucking epic



Swiss Misses

1.) The Hoff!
2.) Tracey (see ya soon in Snowshoe babe!)
3.) Marine
4.) Siegenthaler's boo
5.) Nice Italian lady
 
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6thElement

Schrodinger's Immigrant
Jul 29, 2008
4,146
1,928
For Pierron to have been 4s faster than Greenland's run was cray cray. Minnargggg on a storming run too.
 

Flo33

Turbo Monkey
Mar 3, 2015
1,058
353
Styria
Anybody else noticed that Dean Lucas had a strange start? It looked like he activated the time bar but had kind of a stall then, costing him time. His reaction in the finish area was when seeing his time and margin seemed fitting to a little mistake.
 

sundaydoug

Monkey
Jun 8, 2009
368
59
Idea for drinking game: watch all DH and XC races on Redbull TV and take a shot of your least favorite hard alcohol every time a rider being interviewed says "for sure". Drink double if it's said in a French or Swiss accent.
 

fwp

Monkey
Jun 5, 2013
138
96
Who new all it took was injuries to the fastest riders of the past 5 years to make this overall world cup series interesting again?
I predict Gwin at Worlds and Bruni and Cabirou at Snowshoe for the overall.