[Westy]

I had a dream last night that we nuked Iran. Russia got pissed and retaliated by nuking DC. The radioactive fallout turned everyone here at work into brain hungry zombies. I think this is pure prophecy on my part. I want to be prepared for when it happens. My questions is how would you fight off zombie co-workers?

We have a toolbox with a long breaker bar for a 1/2" socket set. I think that would be my best co-worker zombie killing tool. Of course I will have to fight my way to the tool box. I think I would start by tying two power strips into nun-chucks. If I took a few computer mice and tied them together it would make something easy to to throw and trip up a zombie co-worker with, better yet use it to trip up a non zombie co-worker for the zombies to go after. This is a post apocalyptic workplace, you have watch out only for number yourself.

 

[Da Peach]

You should remove the blade from the paper guillotine in the copy room and use it machete-style.

 

[eaterofdog]

 

[Westy]

You should remove the blade from the paper guillotine in the copy room and use it machete-style.

Brilliant idea. We don't have a paper guillotine but it would seem perfectly normal if I got one. Ideally I'd have a shotgun or an axe but I'd get fired before the apocolypse even happened.

 

[douglas]

if I was you, I'd keep a few lawn mower blades at my desk - I am sure they would do a good job killing zombies.

 

[stosh]

I would use my corded mouse as a garrette (sp?)

 

[DirtMcGirk]

Huh, I just wear my gun at work.
Keep a few spare mags in the desk.

And there's a big bronzed machete hanging behind my desk from a client, all else fails its coming off the wall. Bronzed or not, its heavy enough to cleave some zombie flesh from bone.

 

[binary visions]

We have a few large, floor standing lamps here. I think those would make excellent weapons - maybe my best bet for survival in this place.

Should the lamps be taken, we seem to have a freakish number of hole punchers here. Not the wimpy kind that people use for school papers - the big, industrial variety with a long handle for punching through a half inch of paper. One in each hand would make a fine tool for caving in the skulls of the zombie freaks.

Unfortunately, my coworkers are all so ugly, smelly and brain-dead already that I seriously question whether I would notice they had become rotting zombies until it was too late for me to reach a weapon. I suppose seeing them walking with purpose somewhere other than towards the refrigerator might give it away.

 

[BurlyShirley]

Keep a jar of liquid nitrogen in your desk. That way when the zombies come, you can pop a quick boner, stick it in the jar to freeze it, then smash the tip off on the desk leaving a sharp jagged end. Then you can use your c*ck as a zombie skewer. F*** them to death!

 

[Westy]

I would use my corded mouse as a garrette (sp?)

Hold onto the cordless one in case you run into any zombie mimes.

 

[binary visions]

Keep a jar of liquid nitrogen in your desk. That way when the zombies come, you can pop a quick boner, stick it in the jar to freeze it, that smash the tip off on the desk leaving a sharp jagged end. Then you can use your c*ck as a zombie skewer. F*** them to death!

A fine idea for many. I have to question the wisdom in pursuing this plan yourself, though. Wouldn't having to get within an inch and a half of the zombie allow them to bite you? Not to mention such shallow wounds are unlikely to cause death.

 

[stosh]

Hold onto the cordless one in case you run into any zombie mimes.

Only holy hand grenades work on them.

 

[DRB]

We could use MMike's femur bones as weapons.

 

[BurlyShirley]

A fine idea for many. I have to question the wisdom in pursuing this plan yourself, though. Wouldn't having to get within an inch and a half of the zombie allow them to bite you? Not to mention such shallow wounds are unlikely to cause death.

I'll just aim for the tendons on the back of their knees I guess.

 

[sanjuro]

I received a bunch of tubing samples from a bike manufacturer. Pop off the plastic end cap, and I have a brain remover...

 

[DirtMcGirk]

I think Gallagher has it all worked out. Sledge-o-matic!

 

[skinny mike]

i'll just throw them in the fryalator. not only will it dispose of them, but you will also have a tasty treat waiting for you after. slaughter does get one's appetite going you know.

 

[eaterofdog]

I think Gallagher has it all worked out. Sledge-o-matic!

I really didn't need to see that dumbass life size.

 

[Zark]

damn, tough one!
Looking around my office I don't have much for improvised weaponry...
I'd pocket my swingline stapler as a backup, then use a power strip as a bludgeon.
I'd probably also wrap the cord from the keyboard around my forearm, making a "shield".

If I make it into the Print on demand room there's a number of utility blades and other stuff that could get me by.

 

[Da Peach]

If I could make it to the tool crib I'd have a couple chainsaws at my disposal. Of course, none of the gascans are properly labeled, so I'd probably fill it with pure gas and screw it up pretty quick. Serbian bastards...

 

[HAB]

If there's a zombie apocalypse while I'm at work, I'll just go for one of the chainsaws. There are enough to go around, so even if none of my coworkers are zombies, we can fend off the hoards.

Edit: there's also plenty of mixed, labeled gas on hand too.

 

[DirtMcGirk]

I really didn't need to see that dumbass life size.

Fixed. Was smaller where I ripped it from, but then I clicked and it was big. My bad.

And you love Gallagher, don't front

 

[eaterofdog]

Fixed. Was smaller where I ripped it from, but then I clicked and it was big. My bad.

And you love Gallagher, don't front

I like black Gallagher better. He got warrants.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

I've got a wall of hammers if zombies try to get into the studio.

I could put an acetylene tank in my messenger bag and torch them when they got too close.

Hmmm, I'll need to pick-up some BBQ sauce.

 

[Lex]

The best I'd be able to do would be blinding the zombies with some cyan or magenta toner from our Canon copier. Then I'd make my escape to the car while leaving a slick of copier fuser oil in my wake. I suppose if I really needed a weapon I could use my trusty 4 foot T-square and an xacto knife.


x

 

[Westy]

If there's a zombie apocalypse while I'm at work, I'll just go for one of the chainsaws. There are enough to go around, so even if none of my coworkers are zombies, we can fend off the hoards.

Edit: there's also plenty of mixed, labeled gas on hand too.

I can only hope the zombie apocolypse happens while I am at work. Actually bludgeoning my drooling co-workers would be my best workday ever.

 

[badphish]

if I was you, I'd keep a few lawn mower blades at my desk - I am sure they would do a good job killing zombies.

Some folks call it a Kaiser Blade, I call it a sling blade. mmm..hmmm

have any of them french fried taters? mmm.hmmm

 

[TN]

Why wait?

I can only hope the zombie apocolypse happens while I am at work. Actually bludgeoning my drooling co-workers would be my best workday ever.

 

[Rockland]

Tags gone mad.

At work currently: Oxy acetylene nearby, zombies will burn.

 

[jimmydean]

Dude, I could so easily kill every lazy bastard in my office. It would be fun, too.

 

[TN]

Man, I love that GIF.

 

[ryebread]

I'm seriously ill-equipped for this scenario. Rulers and xacto blades are about all I have. My best hope is that it happens during a team meeting and some lingering bit of humanity forces them to kill each other.

 

[Bldr_DH]

Be prepared.

 

[Westy]

Be prepared.

Awesome. It is good to know that others are thinking about the zombie apocolypse too.

 

[HAB]

I can only hope the zombie apocolypse happens while I am at work. Actually bludgeoning my drooling co-workers would be my best workday ever.

I don't have any coworkers who suck. Granted, there are only two of them total, so the overall potential for sucking is low.

 

[valve bouncer]

Why wait?

Why indeed
http://www.break.com/index/office-worker-goes-absolutely-insane.html
It's a fake but a good one.

 

[Serial Midget]

I haven't had a really good dream since I was 13 or 14...

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

I haven't had a really good dream since I was 13 or 14...

Try switching to decaf.

 

[Serial Midget]

Try switching to decaf.

You don't do subtle, do you?

 

[DirtMcGirk]

Awesome. It is good to know that others are thinking about the zombie apocolypse too.

Thinking about Z-day, and playing with my ding-dong, occupy most of my days.