VOLUME 31 ISSUE 16 29 APRIL 1997 Ünited Stätes Toughens Image With Umlauts
WASHINGTON, DCIn a move designed to make the United States seem more "bad-assed and scary in a quasi-heavy-metal manner," Congress passed a bill Monday changing the nation's name to the Ünited Stätes of Ämerica. "Much like Mötley Crüe and Motörhead, the Ünited Stätes is not to be messed with," said Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK). An upcoming redesign of the Ämerican flag will feature the new name in burnished silver wrought in a jagged, gothic font and bolted to a black background. A new national anthem is also in the works, to be written by composer Glenn Danzig and tentatively titled "Howl Of The She-Demon."
They interviewed the editors of The Onion on NPR once. They talked about how they get tons of mail from people who think their articles are real. They got the most responses from people looking for artices on "smokeable nicotine cylinders" and "sudden infant death syndrome is caused by bad parenting". Some people are so gullible.
I remember not too long ago the Commie Chinesse ran an Onion artical about Congeress wanting a new capitol building or they were going to move to a new city that would build them one... like sports teams do... Goofy commies ran it as gospel... LOL!
My favorite line:
""Dude, you don't even know how much I'd love to just stand right in the middle of that huge column of smoke and, like, flip the bird at all those feds and just groove, man," said one man who asked not to be identified. "That'd be so awesome.""
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