[MMike]

So for the first time ever today, I will be conducting job interviews. And I'm flying solo. Our GM was going to sit in but now he won't be in the office today.

I'm considering not wearing pants to see if it trips them up....

Any advice?

 

[lovebunny]

make sure you are masturbating when they come in. or sacrificing your last disobedient minion. you want them to be comfortable.

 

[BadDNA]

Be sure to ask questions that have no bearing on the work they will actually be doing.

 

[Reactor]

Ask questions that have nothing to do with the job like:

If your boss got kicked out of his house by his wife would you let him sleep at your house for a few days?

Tell me about your relationship with your dog?

If a matchstick were in a an empty bottle how would you remove it with touching the bottle?

Explain the relevance of quantum entanglement to the design of women's wear?

 

[Reactor]

Be sure to ask questions that have no bearing on the work they will actually be doing.

scooped my while I was typing....damn.

 

[X3pilot]

Don't say a word. Just read their resume then look at them for about 5 minutes. Then say thanks for coming in, we'll let you know. As soon as they walk out burst into hysterical laughter.

Pick a name from a hat to move up the line.

 

[I Are Baboon]

Be sure to ask questions that have no bearing on the work they will actually be doing.

Yeah, like those dumb ass personality questions that HR asks. If you can't get a feel for their personality via work related questions, you shouldn't be doing interviews.

I've done a little bit of interviewing...maybe a few dozen people. Doing prep work ahead of time makes the interviews easier. Look at the candidate's resume before the interview and put together some questions about their work history, as well the job you're hiring for. Type them up and leave room to make comments. You'll feel like a moron if your mind goes blank 10 minutes into the interview and you can't think of anything to ask. Ask real questions, not the lame canned questions that HR asks every candidate.

Oh, and pick your nose right before shaking their hand. If they shake it, you know they're a team player.

 

[MMike]

** furiously taking notes **

 

[firemandivi]

Ask if God was a fish why kind of bacon would he like?

 

[Jim Mac]

Don't forget to ask a bunch of illegal questions, like: if you had a choice between being pregnant and keeping your job, which one would you choose? Which one do you think I would choose for you?!?!?!

 

[BadDNA]

Ask if God was a fish why kind of bacon would he like?

Any bacon as long as it's served by a hot chick.

That Canadian crap doesn't count, so keep it the F away from my food.

 

[Dartman]

Ask them about Bacon Salt in the bedroom...

Oysters Rockefeller or Johnsonville brats?

 

[splat]

My Favorite question is to Ask them

" What do you want to be when you grow up ?"

I got asked that once in an interview ( I answered I a Baseball Player ) and since then I use it any Time I interview some one.

 

[Da Peach]

boobs.

 

[Jim Mac]

Best question/response I have heard in an interview:

Q: Where do you see yourself in the near future?

A: In a mirror....

 

[glennder]

Make them feel important.

Ask them how they are going to make a difference in the world? like a beauty contest.


Then make them wear a bikini.

 

[laura]

Yeah, like those dumb ass personality questions that HR asks.

I think I am going to start refusing to answer those kinds of questions. Just kind of stare at the interviewer until they decide to move on. The last two interviews I've gone to, those questions were never asked and the interviews were so nice.

 

[r464]

You don't want to hear about them... talk about yourself the whole time...

 

[Da Peach]

Hand them a Rubiks cube, stare at them for 10 seconds, stand and then say:

"Dont...disappoint me."

Then leave the room and never come back.

 

[sunringlerider]

Best question I have been asked in an interview for a Agricultrue Sales job:

"If you were a tree how big and what kinda af a tree would you be?"

 

[CBJ]

On a serious note ask them if they have ever received constructive criticism at previous jobs and explain what kind. If they can't do that then go to the above suggestions.

I have another interview in 30min - always interesting to see who walks trough the door.

 

[valve bouncer]

As soon as they come in shake your head and mutter "Where do they find these bozos?".....drum your pen on the desk without saying anything for a full 2 minutes, then say "when can you start.....hahaha only joking" and take it from there. Be good cop and bad cop, preferably within the same question.

 

[urbaindk]

I had an interview with a small college in Utah a few months ago and I kid you not, one of the interviewers started talking in his best "I'm a fanatic lunatic" voice about how he always carried a loaded .45 on his front seat just in case he was robbed. How this came up during the course of the interview I will never know. I politely declined their offer to fly me out for an on-site interview (despite their proximity to Moab, it was that scary.) Mmike, you got any guns?

 

[Reactor]

there are always questions like:
what color is a brown dog?
if you could save 400 people by killing one, would you?
pert, flat, or bouncy?
what Is the biggest mistake you've ever made?

 

[MTB_Rob_NC]

Ok seriously a few things:

Make a list of questions and ask every candidate the same questions.

Describe the opportunity
Ask how they think their experience will benefit the opportunity
Ask what their expectations are of the opportunity and beyond.

My favorite is to ask them to descirbe their biggest failure.

 

[Da Peach]

sit with your back to the interviewee, and stroke a white cat for the entire interview.

 

[MMike]

As soon as they come in shake your head and mutter "Where do they find these bozos?".....drum your pen on the desk without saying anything for a full 2 minutes, then say "when can you start.....hahaha only joking" and take it from there. Be good cop and bad cop, preferably within the same question.

Ok I am laughing very hard now....

 

[ire]

Best question/response I have heard in an interview:

Q: Where do you see yourself in the near future?

A: Doing your job

Fixed....let them know you're gunning for them

 

[MMike]

sit with your back to the interviewee, and stroke a white cat for the entire interview.

Better yet, I need a FAKE white cat...

 

[MMike]

So one interview down...one more to go this afternoon....

He called my bluff. I had to sodomize him. Thanks A LOT guys...

 

[valve bouncer]

Ok I am laughing very hard now....

Best you save all the f*cking around and break their spirits right from the very start. That way you can build them up again as a simpering sycophant.

 

[Westy]

Have them sign up on RM and let us interview them.

 

[Nick]

MMike: What is the job description?

Have them sign up on RM and let us interview them.

FTW

 

[BigMike]

Have them sign up on RM and let us interview them.

We Have a WIIIINNNNEEERRR!

 

[Rip]

Ask this:

Why does DRB hate me?

 

[MMike]

MMike: What is the job description?

Design Engineer...

 

[BadDNA]

1) What do you like to do?
2) What made you get into design?
3) What are your strong points?
4) What is day composed of now?
5) Can you gently say no?

 

[jimmydean]

Ask questions that have nothing to do with the job like:

If your boss got kicked out of his house by his wife would you let him sleep at your house for a few days?

Tell me about your relationship with your dog?

If a matchstick were in a an empty bottle how would you remove it with touching the bottle?

Explain the relevance of quantum entanglement to the design of women's wear?

You stole those from the "Microsoft Book of Silly Interview Questions", didn't you?

I swear I was asked at least 2 of those.

 

[Reactor]

You stole those from the "Microsoft Book of Silly Interview Questions", didn't you?

I swear I was asked at least 2 of those.

no, but I'm not surprised. One is a Buddhist koan, two and three I've been asked, four is designed to make an engineer laugh if he's smart and has a sense of humor.

 

[BarbaRosa]

design engineer?

isn't that an oxymoron? I mean.
I MEAN

design connotes creative
engineer connotes reference books and formulaic

... just sayin