[pumpkinator]

what did one hat say to the other? 'you stay here, i'll go on a head. '

thought we could all start the day with a laugh.





add on if you wish, i know i Sir Will. haha and to the eh?

 

[pumpkinator]

what do yo get when you cross a polar bear and a seal?


a polar bear.


A MAN IS STANDING IN LINE AT THE BANK WAITING HIS TURN FOR THE TELLER.
HE GETS TO THE TELLER AND SAYS "THIS IS A STICKUP, GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY. THE TELLER GIVES HIM ALL HIS MONEY AND THE ROBBER SAYS "DID YOU SEE ME ROB YOU." THE TELLER SAYS " OF COURSE I DID." THE ROBBER SHOOTS HIM DEAD. THE ROBBER ASKS THE MAN STANDING BEHIND HIM IN LINE " DID YOU SEE ME ROB AND KILL THE TELLER, THE MAN SAYS "I CERTAINLY DID AND I'LL TESTIFY AGAINST YOU IN COURT". THE ROBBER SHOOTS HIM DEAD. THE ROBBER TURNS TO THE COUPLE STANDING BEHIND THE GUY HE JUST SHOT AND SAYS "DID YOU SEE ME ROB THE TELLER AND KILL THESE TWO GUYS. THE GUY SAYS "I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING, BUT MY WIFE DID."

 

[pumpkinator]

a blond walks into the doctors office for her check up and is taken to the examining room where the doc enters and says for her to get undressed and that he'll be back in two minutes.

two minutes pass and the doc waks back into the room and the blond is sitting on the edge of the examining chair butt naked but with her headphones on. the doctor tells her take those off too to which she replies if she does she'll die.

"that's ridiculous!" says the doctor, "take them off!" and he leaves again.

a few more minutes pass and he re-enters the room to find that sure enought the blonde is completely lifeless and laying on the floor with the earphones laying next to her, off of her head. . desperate, the doctor picks them up and listens...


..."breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out."

 

[pumpkinator]

A young man walks into a bar, his first time there. On the bar he sees a big fishbowl full of silver dollars. He asks the bartender what that was for. The bartender says, "Son, that's $500 silver dollars for anyone who can go out back and make my horse laugh."

The young man says, "I can do that." and heads out back. I couple of minutes later the bartender hears his horse laughing wildly. When the young man returns, he collects his $500, drinks his beer and leaves.

The next night the young man returns and sees yet another fishbowl full of silver dollars on the bar. He asks the bartender, "Same thing tonight?"

The bartender says, "Oh no, tonight you have to make my horse cry."

The young man disappears out back. A couple of minutes later, the bartender hears his horse crying out back. The young man comes back inside to claim his $500. But the bartender says, "Young man, before you go, could you please tell me how you did it?"

The young man says, "Easy...last night I told your horse mine is bigger than his....tonight I showed him!"

 

[pumpkinator]

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.

"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."

"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.

"Get my brown pants."

 

[pumpkinator]

What's the difference between a girl's G-spot and a golf ball?

A man will spend hours looking for the golf ball!

 

[pumpkinator]

There's a knock at a guy's door.

He opens the door and finds a snail on his stoop.

Annoyed, the guy picks up the snail and heaves it as far as he can.



Three years later...

There's a knock at the same guy's door.

He opens the door.

It's the snail.

The snail looks up at the guy and says,
"What the hell was THAT all about?"

 

[pumpkinator]

a blind guy walks into a bar..

 

[pumpkinator]

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.
After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.

She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a
fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been
trained to give bj's!"

"Blowjobs!" the woman exclaimed.

"It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true ...
no more bj's for her! She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely
sceptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy,
thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans
flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.

She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog
reading cookbooks.

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're outta here."

 

[pumpkinator]

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow,
and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.'

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

 

[pumpkinator]

One night Lisa was tiptoeing down the hall to use the bathroom. She was walking quietly as she didn't want to wake her parents. As she got near their door, she heard a strange noise. She peeked around the corner and quickly pulled her head back. She went back down the hall as fast as she could and woke her little brother.

Together, the two of them crept back down the hall. They both peeked around the corner into the bedroom, and quickly pulled back.

Lisa looked at her brother and said "can you believe that is the same woman who spanked you earlier today for putting your thumb in your mouth?"

 

[pumpkinator]

it's just easier for all involved this way and besides, it is my thread and there are some goOd peeps over there. have fun.

http://www.chaoscyclingclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=949&start=0