[Echo]

OK so in case you didn't know, I HATE driving and I HATE cars. I ride my bike to work because usually nobody tries to piss me off or kill me when I'm on my bike, whereas pretty much every time I get in a car every other person on the road is a complete moron.

So anyway, last Friday was a perfect day and I would have ridden to work, but my GF's car was getting some work done, and she wanted me to pick her up and take her to work. So I go to her house, and she's not there. Turns out she got a ride with some other chick she works with. So immediately I'm annoyed because I could have ridden my bike.

Anyway I'm almost to work, and some dude literally almost drives into me. I have to slam on my brakes and swerve hard to avoid the accident. He pulls into one of the (many) parking areas so I pull in there too, just to ask him if he was aware that he almost caused an accident.

The dude gets all pissy with me, saying how it was my fault and blah blah blah. I was like whatever and drove away. Obviously the sky was a different color in his world.

Now the beautiful thing about this is, I know exactly where he parks and what car he drives. In the 2 days since then I've ridden my bike through that parking lot and his car is always in the same spot. On the other hand, he has no idea who I am or where I park my bike, or even that I ride a bike for that matter. In fact, if I had to guess, I'd say he probably pisses off several people a day and he probably doesn't even remember our little encounter.

So what should I do to his car?

 

[sanjuro]

nothing and forget about it?

 

[jonKranked]

let all the air out of the tires. its non-permanent, an easy fix, but also a huge pain in the a$$.

 

[Westy]

Nothing, move on with your life.

 

[douglas]

 

[ioscope]

eggs take off paint
Orange traffic paint-powder, the stuff for transit lines... or blue chalk powder from a hardware store in his vents oof:

or sardines.
I did sardines in the air vent once... brutal.

or just key it/// lame though.

 

[jonKranked]

this is what you get for having a girlfriend!

 

[Ciaran]

Superglue pennies over the door locks.

 

[dhbuilder]

problem is, it wasn't the cars fault.

 

[Echo]

nothing and forget about it?

Nothing, move on with your life.

That's what it will end up being, since with my luck some security camera would catch me and I'd get fired. But it's fun to plot the demise of a true asshat.

 

[dhbuilder]

Superglue pennies over the door locks.

superglue IN the doorlocks.
(even though the car is innocent.)

 

[binary visions]

Letting the air out of his tires is a non-permanent way to make his day unpleasant. If you're feeling exceptionally nasty, you could remove his valve cores.

I'd probably let it go, though.

 

[moff_quigley]

Sanjuro and Westy for the win. The guy will get his eventually. Be the better person.

 

[Westy]

That's what it will end up being, since with my luck some security camera would catch me and I'd get fired. But it's fun to plot the demise of a true asshat.

Personally I've found I'm happier to completely forget about the ugly jerks I cross paths with. Who knows he could have been a perfectly nice dude whose dog just died and he caught his wife blowing the neighbor. But sometimes it is nice to disembowel someone then choke them with their own intestines in your mind.

 

[TN]

Ied45

 

[Echo]

But sometimes it is nice to disembowel someone then choke them with their own intestines in your mind.

Yeah! That's why I was asking you boneheads for ideas. All I was coming up with was kicking a dent in the door or keying it. I need some good stuff. Not to implement, just to imagine

 

[dhbuilder]

it's hard not to take it personally, when the idiot driving the car has the ability to use it to cause you (or your family) bodily harm.

 

[MTB_Rob_NC]

either that or... Since you never actually drive it might of been you being the Dillhole?


Id say move on.

 

[Cooter Brown]

drop trou and leave a nice cleveland steamer right on the hood

or put a potato in his tailpipe

or hose clamp a small weight to his driveshaft

 

[Polandspring88]

drop trou and leave a nice cleveland steamer right on the hood

Took the words right out of my mouth.

 

[BurlyShirley]

Sleep with his wife/mom/daughter

 

[Jeremy R]

1) He has already seen your face.
2) You ride a bike on the same street he drives a car on.
3) He has already proven to be an Asshat.

If you read those 3 points slowly, you will not mess with his car.

 

[Cooter Brown]

Sleep with his wife & mom & daughter

fixed

 

[Westy]

Dump a few cans of shaving cream into some liquid nitrogen. It will freeze the contents solid and allow you to cut the can open around it. Toss the frozen slugs into an open car window. As they thaw they will expand filling the the whole car. If you are really feeling dirty try the same trick with a can of expandable foam.

 

[jonKranked]

Dump a few cans of shaving cream into some liquid nitrogen. It will freeze the contents solid and allow you to cut the can open around it. Toss the frozen slugs into an open car window. As they thaw they will expand filling the the whole car. If you are really feeling dirty try the same trick with a can of expandable foam.

brilliant idea, unfortunately the average monkey does not have access to such things as liquid nitrogen.

 

[mmaddmark]

just forget it.the worlds full of idiots. dont ever mess with a mans car,ever.

 

[Da Peach]

Give him a poo handle...

 

[Cooter Brown]

brilliant idea, unfortunately the average monkey does not have access to such things as liquid nitrogen.

There is exactly 18 assloads not 100' from where I am sitting right now. I may have to try this trick

 

[Ciaran]

Sanjuro and Westy for the win. The guy will get his eventually. Be the better person.

We all already know that this is the OBVIOUS answer. The point is to come up with creative means of revenge. Sheesh.

You could get some gay pride stickers and put them on his bumper.

Or since he parks there everyday do something that takes time. Start by leaving notes that say things like, "I'm coming for you", and "I'm watching you". As time goes by move on to things like deflating a tire. Things like that. See how long till he cracks and starts parking somewhere else.

 

[Westy]

brilliant idea, unfortunately the average monkey does not have access to such things as liquid nitrogen.

A large C02 tank could chill things down enough.

 

[jvp108]

i would follow him home to find out where he lives and who he lives with, such as a wife and or children. then hide in the bushes and take pictures of him/family. then get them developed and leave them in his mailbox with a scary note.

 

[BurlyShirley]

i would follow him home to find out where he lives and who he lives with, such as a wife and or children. then hide in the bushes and take pictures of him/family. then get them developed and leave them in his mailbox with a scary note.

Or expose yourself to his children!

 

[jvp108]

no, that would be gross.

 

[Jeremy R]

I would go to his car with a big jam box, and wait until you can see him approaching after work.
Then, I would strip naked, push play, and hop on his car hood, and do the entire dance scene from a Whitesnake video.
Dry humps and all.

 

[moff_quigley]

We all already know that this is the OBVIOUS answer. The point is to come up with creative means of revenge. Sheesh.

How about kidnap him at gunpoint, tie him up to the four corners of a bed and then smashing his ankles with a sledgehammer all the while screaming "You'll never cut me off in traffic again you inconsiderate icehole!" ???

 

[dogwonder]

key somebody else's car (presumably another a$$hat), call the cops and say you saw the dillhole key it in the parking lot.

 

[llkoolkeg]

Personally I've found I'm happier to completely forget about the ugly jerks I cross paths with. Who knows he could have been a perfectly nice dude whose dog just died and he caught his wife blowing the neighbor. But sometimes it is nice to disembowel someone then choke them with their own intestines in your mind.

Or worse still, he could have been a perfectly nice dude whose neighbor just died and he caught his wife blowing the dog!

 

[fluff]

Leave a note on his car offering a silly amount of money for it (for some reason; it's exactly what you want/you like the license plate/it was your first car) and leave the number of a sex line or similar.

 

[Westy]

Or worse still, he could have been a perfectly nice dude whose neighbor just died and he caught his wife blowing the dog!

Even worse she could have been servicing the neighbors dead dog.

 

[Zark]

Skunk scent in the air conditioning intakes (grill by windshield wipers)
Permanant skunk sink in said asshat's car. This is beyond mean, its evil.:devil: If he really pissed ya off, this ought to provide sufficient revenge