[Jeremy R]

Our downtown area is trying to force us to pay to park in a parking garage which is not necessary. There is two hour parking all around our office now, but we figured out a while back that between leaving for lunch and moving our cars occasionally, we come out cheaper just getting 3 or so parking tickets a month and not having to park in the garage.
So anyway, I just got a parking ticket for parking in a 2 hour zone.
The ticket said time elapsed 2:03
That fat walrus of a meter maid waddled out and got me right before I left. 3 minutes over. She was looking all proud, smug and walrussy practically clapping her flippers together. Oh, and thank god she had on her little orange safety vest, otherwise drivers may not have seen a 300 pound walrus standing in the street.
I need to befriend this thing somehow. Maybe I will fill up the back of my truck with fish.
I ran into our city project planner the other day, and he said , "Hey man, they are out to get you." I thought he was kidding.
I now must train in the ancient art of outsmarting the mighty land walrus, crusher of dreams and chairs.

 

[BigMike]

fill it up with fish

 

[gonefirefightin]

you need a handicapped parking permit. best thing I have ever owned.

even if I wasnt f**ked up I think I would find a doc to write me one.

 

[SkaredShtles]

<snip>
I need to befriend this thing somehow.

You already know the sacrifice you must make.

 

[kidwoo]

Little jrflipperfinfishybabies coming soon.

 

[Jeremy R]

You already know the sacrifice you must make.

I would move to your commune before even thinking of taking that sacrifice. Plus, a sacrifice like that would be so bold, I would not want Jesus to think I was trying to out do him. I can't carry that cross.

 

[Secret Squirrel]

"You must spread some Reputation around....."

Damn it!!!!!!!!!


Walrussy....that's gold right there.

 

[DamienC]

She was looking all proud, smug and walrussy practically clapping her flippers together.

 

[DH Diva]

You already know the sacrifice you must make.

Just remember to strap a 2x4 to your back first so you don't fall in!

 

[Secret Squirrel]

Just remember to strap a 2x4 to your back first so you don't fall in!

Oh jesus...

 

[Westy]

Get a moped, park it on the sidewalk. Manage to nail the walrus on the moped and have twice the fun with twice the shame.

 

[brungeman]

Just remember to strap a 2x4 to your back first so you don't fall in!

and take flour!

 

[moff_quigley]

Just remember to strap a 2x4 to your back first so you don't fall in!

Approved!

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Westy again."

 

[LordOpie]

I thought Jeremy was going to tell us he broke the two minute barrier?

 

[BadDNA]

 

[Greyhound]

I thought Jeremy was going to tell us he broke the two minute barrier?

I've done that once.....................
















.........once.

 

[LordOpie]

I've done that once.....................


.........once.

Ah, the old "Johnny Dangerously" reference. Nice.

 

[jimmydean]

I worked with this jackass who was too lazy to walk the mile he lived from the office and too cheap to pay for garage parking. Every 90 minutes he would leave for about 20 minutes while he moved his car.

You got a ticket, pay up and suck it up, princess.

 

[h22ekhatch]

I worked with this jackass who was too lazy to walk the mile he lived from the office and too cheap to pay for garage parking. Every 90 minutes he would leave for about 20 minutes while he moved his car.

You got a ticket, pay up and suck it up, princess.

Really? At $1.25/hr for meter parking you would think by the time a whole work day came and went he would have been able to pay for a garage spot anyway?

 

[DH Diva]

and take flour!

And let me know beforehand so I can get to higher ground. The tidal wave created by action like that could flood the entire west coast. It could be devestating.......

 

[Jeremy R]

I worked with this jackass who was too lazy to walk the mile he lived from the office and too cheap to pay for garage parking. Every 90 minutes he would leave for about 20 minutes while he moved his car.

You got a ticket, pay up and suck it up, princess.

Thx Dad,
Is the same speech your drunk son gets when he gets out of jail?
This is a fun thread about a walrus lady.
Save your preaching for Sunday.

 

[ultraNoob]

Here's the plan:

1: park car
2: glue snickers bar to bottom of parking meter
3: wait for glue to dry
4: return after 1:58
5: while she's waiting to give you a ticket she'll undoubtedly try to pick up the snickers bar. casually knock her over.
6: while she's doing the "turtle on it's back" maneuver, drive away
7: repeat every day till she learns her lession

 

[DH Diva]

7: repeat every day till she learns her lession

If it's food, she's obviously not going to learn her lesson otherwise she wouldn't be a fat walrus, which is why it could be a source of potential entertainment for years to come!

 

[jimmydean]

Thx Dad,
Is the same speech your drunk son gets when he gets out of jail?
This is a fun thread about a walrus lady.
Save your preaching for Sunday.

I just think it's funny you got a ticket and now your pissed off. That's all. Sorry I took out my aggression toward an ex-coworker out in this thread.

My drunk son doesn't get speeches, he's 21 and it's his own damn fault. But thanks for asking.

 

[Jeremy R]

Update:
I just spotted the subject downstairs in the local coffee shop eating a cup of ice cream. I went in for a refill, and spotted her right away because of her bright orange vest.
I smiled and waved, because I now know her weakness.
But Ice cream will melt in my truck bed.....
More work to do.

 

[kidwoo]

I thought Jeremy was going to tell us he broke the two minute barrier?

Big deal

I can hold my breath for way longer than that.

 

[Jeremy R]

Big deal

I can hold my breath for way longer than that.

Not with walrus poon all up in the mix.
And if you can, I am gonna need a favor.

 

[sneakysnake]

Put a ham sammich right in the middle of the bed, that way when she's reaching in, she might reach too far and fall in, then while the "turtle on it's back" move is going on you come up and point and laugh.


Dang it, I just realized my plan's flaw...how to remove the walrus lady.


You don't happen to have a dumping bed...or a crane sitting aroud do you?

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

We've got a similar problem, only ours is a male peacock. He struts around and postures like he's got the most serious and important job downtown. I've seen this tool chew out little old grannies because he didn't like their parking job. The peacock pretends to have way more authority than he does. Since he is not real law enforcement I don't take him to seriously. They stop writing tickets at 4:30, the peacock wrote me up at 4:26. Now when I see him writing me a ticket, I just get in the van and drive off!

I don't want to make friends with the peacock, but the idea of hooking car batteries up to the wiper blades has crossed my mind.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

Dang it, I just realized my plan's flaw...how to remove the walrus lady.

Just coat the bed with Vaseline, drop the gate, back up fast and hit the brakes. Sufficient enough to deliver to any fish monger.

 

[skinny mike]

maybe she speaks jabba the hutt, you should try that one time.


maybe she's just a lost soul waiting for her han solo frozen in carbonite to be delivered.

 

[gsweet]

there's always the "cool hand luke" option when dealing with parking meters. or you could always bribe the icecream provider to give her a laxative-laced serving. no tickets that day.

 

[MTB_Rob_NC]

Haha... You could probably park in our covered parking and walk the 3 blocks if you wanted.

 

[untitledsince89]

Update:
I just spotted the subject downstairs in the local coffee shop eating a cup of ice cream. I went in for a refill, and spotted her right away because of her bright orange vest.
I smiled and waved, because I now know her weakness.
But Ice cream will melt in my truck bed.....
More work to do.

you litterally made me lol,
thank you for making my day awesome