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Cancer

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dump

dump

Turbo Monkey
Oct 12, 2001
8,471
5,119
At the risk of over-sharing, here goes:

I'm writing this from the palliative care ward, where my wife has been for the last 6 weeks. When the ovarian cancer was finally diagnosed, it had spread from her ovaries into her gut. The surgery to remove her reproductive organs was successful, but there were a handful of tiny spots on the peritoneum that couldn't be removed manually – that would be done with the chemo.

After the initially successful chemotherapy, the cancer came back immediately. None of the follow-up treatments worked, immunotherapy, parp inhibitor, several types of chemo, etc. Those that showed promise, only worked for painfully short while. She was given four weeks to live in March, but it seems like it will be October in the end.

The last year and a half has been hell to put it mildly.

I'm sharing this to raise awareness for you and your loved ones. She's asked me to share the following:

"Know your bodies. Pay attention to fatigue and changes in bowel/urinary tract movements. Make sure you understand all the words on a medical report. Do not dismiss your pain or malaise. Find the expert doctors."

Cancer does happen to young people with healthy lifestyles. More than anything, listen to your body.

She is 43.
 
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slyfink

slyfink

Turbo Monkey
Sep 16, 2008
9,795
5,625
Ottawa, Canada
Holy smokes man. I don't think I have any words to express... I'm really really sorry for what you're going through. I'm sure others will agree that we are all here for you in whatever capacity you need...
 
Changleen

Changleen

Paranoid Member
Jan 9, 2004
14,729
2,711
Pōneke
Wow, holy shit. Sorry from NZ and I hope everything goes as well as possible. I have been there with my MIL and that was bad enough, I can’t imagine it being my wife. Please make sure you’re looking after you as well, although that might feel a distant priority at the moment. I hope you have someone to talk to, a therapist is most useful.
 
Sandwich

Sandwich

Pig my fish!
Staff member
May 23, 2002
21,829
7,075
borcester rhymes
I'm sorry to hear that my friend. Please do let us know if there's anything we can do. Kickstarter? Mealtrain? Chat about crappy CUVs? I hope you're taking care of yourself and your family as well... :(
 
dump

dump

Turbo Monkey
Oct 12, 2001
8,471
5,119
Much appreciated all. This has been a long time coming and my son is doing amazing considering… we have thought this moment was close at hand many times … practically every month this year.

He knows what’s happening and why. He knows he will be ok and that mom will always love him. He knows I’m here for him, his extended family is here for him and so are his friends.

He is quite sad at times and acts out sometimes too. In all, he has been amazing.

He drew this picture yesterday.

7EE41027-F95E-484B-AA55-F74FFF8B8B52.jpeg
 
jstuhlman

jstuhlman

bagpipe wanker
Dec 3, 2009
17,341
14,176
Cackalacka du Nord
dammit. sorry @dump like others said, anything we can do. wife had the cancer gene and had a hysterectomy, etc., as a preventative measure a few years ago. even that was hard to go through; i can't even imagine what you've been coping with. hang in there man. peace and strength to you and your son.
 
jonKranked

jonKranked

Detective Dookie
Nov 10, 2005
88,804
27,014
media blackout
dump said:
Much appreciated all. This has been a long time coming and my son is doing amazing considering… we have thought this moment was close at hand many times … practically every month this year.

He knows what’s happening and why. He knows he will be ok and that mom will always love him. He knows I’m here for him, his extended family is here for him and so are his friends.

He is quite sad at times and acts out sometimes too. In all, he has been amazing.

He drew this picture yesterday.

View attachment 165567
Click to expand...
Jeez man my oldest lost it when our cat died. Can't imagine having to guide him through this while trying to cope yourself.
 
maxyedor

maxyedor

<b>TOOL PRO</b>
Oct 20, 2005
5,496
3,141
In the bathroom, fighting a battle
Fucking cancer, insidious, shitty disease.

Definitely good reminder to pay attention to yourself and know what’s right and wrong, lost a couple people, nearly lost a couple more who put off getting something they knew was wrong checked out.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to the Monkey if you need something or just need to vent/rant/whatever, total pisser of a situation.
 
Jm_

Jm_

sled dog's bollocks
Jan 14, 2002
20,148
10,696
AK
Damn, so sorry to hear this. I hope you find a way to cope and get support.
 
boostindoubles

boostindoubles

Nacho Libre
Mar 16, 2004
8,414
6,942
Yakistan
Dump, I am thinking about you and your family! Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I hope you guys can find peace and purpose in this time.
 
dump

dump

Turbo Monkey
Oct 12, 2001
8,471
5,119
Thanks all for the support. We're holding up ok, perhaps because we've had quite a bit of practice over this last year.

On the fundraiser front, we've done those and they've been been a blockbuster success.

When it was clear she wasn't going to be able to continue in science, it was a huge blow. She had built up a career with a thriving lab and was just hitting her stride about 10 years into being a professor. So she created campaigns to help others from underrepresented backgrounds in science with their careers. The first was a travel award to a research conference (in the US) that was important to her coming as a graduate student. That did 4x what we had hoped to raise and will be endowed as a result. Her second fundraiser was about research awards in her department at the university. We had similarly hoped to raise an endowable amount, and that did 4x once again in a matter of weeks. The outpouring was pretty overwhelming.

Anyway, thanks again for the thoughts and kind words.
 
JohnE

JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
13,550
2,179
Front Range, dude...
Fuck dude...I am rarely rendered speechless. Like many others, all I have to say is fuck cancer...hoping for the best, whatever that may be at this point.
 
Montana rider

Montana rider

Tom Sawyer
Mar 14, 2005
1,943
2,606
This certainly puts the picayune struggles we all deal with on a daily basis in perspective.

There are no words but my thoughts and pagan prayers go out to your sweetie and little one.

Fuck Cancer!

+++

An epidemiologist posted the following similarly personal anecdote on another board where I lurk, and I thought it might be "informative" for others, and add some levity to this depressing situation:

So I was going down on my wife a couple months ago.

I saw that up in there, there was a mole that was a bit bigger than it had ever been before. It was up in a location that, unless she’s been secretly doing an OnlyFans that involved handstands outdoors, has never seen a ray of sunshine in her life. She’s had a small mole right there since at least the 11th grade, but it’s gotten bigger.

I learned the ABCDE mnemonic for melanoma in school, and this mole seemed fine according to the A, B, and C (it was not asymmetrical, and it had well-defined borders and a consistent color). But since I am a dutiful partner/epidemiologist, I observed that the “D”iameter had quickly “E”volved over the course of a few months.

It turned out to be a low-grade vulvar melanoma, which would have been quite serious had it not been caught so early. It was excised and she is fine (but extremely uncomfortable for the next couple of weeks, I reckon).

I’m telling this story because I want all of you men (and other people who go down on women) to be aware of the following:
—Oral sex saves lives.

—You can get melanoma on your junk, and on body parts where you’ve never gotten a sunburn, and on body parts you can’t see well yourself. So designate a buddy with whom you check each other out regularly.

—Those harder-to-see melanomas (like vulvar melanoma) can be very serious because they are not often caught until they’ve advanced.

—You need to go down on your partner often enough to both satisfy their needs *and* to make consistent notes of any inconsistencies. I encourage, nay, insist on taking photographs.

—On all body parts of yourself and your partner’s self, be aware of moles, especially if they meet *at least one* criterion of the ABCDE mnemonic. A precancerous/low-grade mole will usually *not* meet all five criteria.

user generated
 
TreeSaw

TreeSaw

Mama Monkey
Oct 30, 2003
17,813
2,132
Dancin' over rocks n' roots!
So very sorry to read this @dump
Thank you for sharing the struggle and please reach out if there is anything we can do for your family during this unimaginable time.
Prayers for your strength, your son's courage and your wife's peace.

#fuckcancer
 
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