The
Darwins are out!!!!
Yes,
it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed,
honoring the least evolved among us.
Here
is the glorious winner:
1.
When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.
And
now, the honorable mentions:
2.
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and
after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for
himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved.
3.
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
4.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to
Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went
to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then
delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5.
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his
head to a moving train before he was hit.
6.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun
and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone
points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7.
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking
him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole
event was caught on videotape...
8.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store.
The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive
ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole
the purse from."
9..
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King
in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a
food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR
STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle
street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage
tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying
that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In
the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and
family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant
relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope
they remain lost.
***
Remember.... They walk among us and they reproduce.
Darwins are out!!!!
Yes,
it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed,
honoring the least evolved among us.
Here
is the glorious winner:
1.
When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.
And
now, the honorable mentions:
2.
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and
after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for
himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved.
3.
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
4.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to
Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went
to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then
delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5.
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his
head to a moving train before he was hit.
6.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun
and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone
points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7.
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking
him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole
event was caught on videotape...
8.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store.
The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive
ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole
the purse from."
9..
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King
in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a
food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR
STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle
street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage
tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying
that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In
the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and
family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant
relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope
they remain lost.
***
Remember.... They walk among us and they reproduce.
