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3-minute Unfunny Jokes

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alpine slug

Monkey
Jun 10, 2011
190
0
For some stupid reason, I expected 3 Minute Gaps to be a DH race video.

Imagine how stupid I felt for assuming that when, during my viewing of it after it was delivered to me, I realized that it's Clay Porter's movie equivalent of a 1960s teenage girl's crush on the Beatles, complete with sensitive face/eye shots and lots of "interview" footage showing how mundane is the conversational life of a WC DH racer. The only thing missing was the high-pitched shrieks drowning out the music.

I don't recall the running time total for the movie, but I'll put actual riding footage at 5% of the total time and actual race footage at 0.5% of the total time.

And as usual, the music selection totally sucked ballz. Is Clay Porter actually a 13 year old girl trapped in a young man's body?
 
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illnotsick

Monkey
Jun 3, 2009
257
0
It's just like every other one of clay's movies, except with MOAR ZOOM during the interviews. I don't want to stare at sam hills acne and lips, then eyebrows and ear. I want to watch him ride and I bet he feels the same way. The riding sections are awesome just like in every other porter film but you still have to watch an hour of gee/matti/brendon/neethling's nostrils for 30 minutes of riding.

To discredit the thread title, blekinsop is pretty funny.
 
William42

William42

fork ways
Jul 31, 2007
3,926
671
yeah, it took me 3 tries to make it through, I kept hoping there would be a scene where they rode mountain bikes, but it was definitely the worst MTB movie I've ever seen. It highlighted everything I hate about modern MTB movies though. For filmmakers:

If you want to make everything perfect, look at the earthed series as an example

If your goal is to make everything as terrible as possible, look to 3MG. The only thing it was missing was poorly converted 80x80 helmet cam.
 
E

EVIL JN

Monkey
Jul 24, 2009
491
24
Thats why you download all of Dirt's stuff from all the races, hours of high octane riding with a few comments and proper music. Did i mention that its free also, although this is stuff i would gladly pay for.
 
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illnotsick

Monkey
Jun 3, 2009
257
0
EVIL JN said:
Thats why you download all of Dirt's stuff from all the races, hours of high octane riding with a few comments and proper music. Did i mention that its free also, although this is stuff i would gladly pay for.
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+1
4 minutes long, 98% riding, good music, free and you usually get 6 different videos from one race weekend
 
mattmatt86

mattmatt86

Turbo Monkey
Feb 9, 2005
5,347
10
Bleedmore, Murderland
I downloaded it and actually fell asleep the first time I tried to watch it.

I wish someone would link of bunch of the Rankin's Dirt videos together to make one 30-40 minute video.
 
M

Mr Lahey

Monkey
Sep 23, 2009
183
28
Yeah movies like that hurt other film makers in my opinion. After buying that I have very little desire to spend money on a future mtb movie. Should have saved a little more and just bought a new dh tire... way more enjoyment and no lame bro stoke interviews.

One-two sucker punch coming out after Life Cycles.
 
Wa-Aw

Wa-Aw

Monkey
Jul 30, 2010
354
0
Philippines
Mr Lahey said:
Yeah movies like that hurt other film makers in my opinion. After buying that I have very little desire to spend money on a future mtb movie. Should have saved a little more and just bought a new dh tire... way more enjoyment and no lame bro stoke interviews.

One-two sucker punch coming out after Life Cycles.
Click to expand...

Lifecycles did not suck :think:
 
D

davetrump

Turbo Monkey
Jul 29, 2003
1,270
0
mattmatt86 said:
fixed.
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hahaha... love it

I honestly like 3 minute gaps quite a bit and have disliked a lot of Clays other work so go figure. Maybe it is from racing a few WC's and being around that atmosphere that I can relate to it. 3MG does a great job telling the story Clay is trying to tell... some like it some don't

as for the video posted above... different strokes for different folks, but I am sick to death of all these "freeriders" doing these stupid little cutties/rear wheel flicks/skips in ever corner or the slightest lip. if done well it can look cool, but in every corner of every video... enough already. If you want to kick up dirt and slide around rip the **** out of the corner.

flame away...
 
Ian Collins

Ian Collins

Turbo Monkey
Oct 4, 2001
1,428
0
Pacific Beach, San Diego, CA
davetrump said:
hahaha... love it

I honestly like 3 minute gaps quite a bit and have disliked a lot of Clays other work so go figure. Maybe it is from racing a few WC's and being around that atmosphere that I can relate to it. 3MG does a great job telling the story Clay is trying to tell... some like it some don't

as for the video posted above... different strokes for different folks, but I am sick to death of all these "freeriders" doing these stupid little cutties/rear wheel flicks/skips in ever corner or the slightest lip. if done well it can look cool, but in every corner of every video... enough already. If you want to kick up dirt and slide around rip the **** out of the corner.

flame away...
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i don't think the skidding and drifting was excessive in that edit....maybe one or two times where it was unnecessary, but overall a lot of them were in really tight S turns where having the wheel break free is advantageous....i thought that was one of the nastiest clips i've seen in a while.....that rider is steezy, and some of the camera angles and film work were very original....
 
FlipFantasia

FlipFantasia

Turbo Monkey
Oct 4, 2001
1,666
500
Sea to Sky BC
davetrump said:
3MG does a great job telling the story Clay is trying to tell... some like it some don't
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you mean the same tired story he's been trying to tell (poorly) in every single one of his movies? yawwwwwn, they try to ride their bikes fast, it doesn't get much deeper than that, no matter how hard they try.
 
N

nolson450

Chimp
May 26, 2009
27
0
Reminds me of an interview I just watched of some kid on Vital I've never heard of. I don't get all the inside jokes nor does 98% of the outside world. It's corny, and makes all us bikers look like bufoons. I agree with you all, more riding, less talking, unless the rider is funny and entertaining, which seems to be rare in mountain biking.
 
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alpine slug

Monkey
Jun 10, 2011
190
0
Ian Collins said:
i don't think the skidding and drifting was excessive in that edit....maybe one or two times where it was unnecessary, but overall a lot of them were in really tight S turns where having the wheel break free is advantageous....i thought that was one of the nastiest clips i've seen in a while.....that rider is steezy, and some of the camera angles and film work were very original....
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If reverse fishtail is so much quicker, why aren't alpine ski racers using it... EVER?

Face it: riders do it because it (a) feels good/fun; (b) looks "cool" or whatever; or (c) both (a) and (b) are assumed and it impresses Total Gomers in riding videos.

A tire that's hooking up is always faster than a drift. Always.

I can hear the little voice in Clay Porter's head now:

"Gosh, I'm pretty skilled with the camera! I caught some flung dirt when Drifty McShifty did a cuttie!"

******

Also, while I love Blenkinsop's riding, his "jokes" about taking a poop are 3d grader at best. Not funny, unless you're a 3d grader.

So I retain the right to stand behind my title for this thread!

******

Thanks to those of you who agree at least somewhat. I was wondering whether I'm the only one who doesn't enjoy a World Cup EmoKid vid.
 
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S

StabprimoMonkee

Monkey
Aug 4, 2008
328
4
Back to the topic.

Everything Clive Porter ever did is incredibly gay. Gay movies with gay music and it keeps getting gayer with each and every iteration. He even makes the riders look gay.

I don't want to imply that being gay is bad. So Clive Porter is an incredibly gay guy, who is expressing his gayness through his movies. Its just a fact of life like everything else.

I honestly believe that Clive should move to Paris and start a fashion brand. He's certainly got the right kind of talent.
 
IH8Rice

IH8Rice

I'm Mr. Negative! I Fail!
Aug 2, 2008
24,524
494
Im over here now
StabprimoMonkee said:
Back to the topic.

Everything Clive Porter ever did is incredibly gay. Gay movies with gay music and it keeps getting gayer with each and every iteration. He even makes the riders look gay.

I don't want to imply that being gay is bad. So Clive Porter is an incredibly gay guy, who is expressing his gayness through his movies. Its just a fact of life like everything else.

I honestly believe that Clive should move to Paris and start a fashion brand. He's certainly got the right kind of talent.
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he's obviously in love with Sam Hill and his eyebrows
 
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