Dark Helmet: Careful you idiot. I said across her nose, not up it!
Laser Gunner: Sorry sir. Doing my best.
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Major Asshole: I did sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that!....What's his name?
Colonel Sandurz: That is his name sir, Major Asshole
Dark Helmet: and his cousin?
Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole too sir: Gunner's mate, first class, Philip Asshole
Dark Helmet: How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow?
The Crew: YO!!!!
Dark Helmet: I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes
Dark Helmet: Keep firing assholes!!
Dark Helmet : Whoaaa! What have I done? My brains are going into my feet.... We passed them. Stop this thing.
Sandurz : We can't stop. It's too dangerous. We have to slow down first.
Dark Helmet : Bullsh t. Just stop this thing. I order you. Stooooop!
[Sandurz pulls on "Emergency Stop, never use." Dark Helmet goes flying into a panel.]
Sandurz : Are you all right, sir?
Dark Helmet : Fine. How've you been?
Sandurz : Fine, sir.
Dark Helmet : Good.
Sandurz : It's a good thing you were wearing that helmet.
Dark Helmet : Yeah.
Sandurz : What should we do now, sir?
Dark Helmet : Well, are we stopped?
Sandurz : We're stopped, sir.
Dark Helmet : Good. Well, why don't we take a five minute break.
Sandurz : Very good, sir.
Dark Helmet : Smoke if you got 'em.
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