my roommate in undergrad did the same thing, except he was dozing off in the middle of a 200 person lecture hall, and scared himself awake with a gloriously loud fart, only to find that he had interrupted the lecturer who was staring at him along with the rest of the hall. i had to leave the room because i couldnt stop laughing.I was in that blurry place between dreaming and just waking up one saturday morning. In my dream, I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't figure out what it was... then BOOOM!
I woke up with a "Holy Crap! What the heck was that?!!" in my mind, adrenaline pumping and everything. At first I thought something had hit the side of my apartment, then I realized I had just busted out with the most impressive fart I had ever heard in my life. I had actually scared myself from in a daze to on full alert with my own butt. It was like someone had hooked a public address system and a subwoofer up to my a$$.
Then. from the other room with the door still closed my girlfriend yells "Oh My GOD! YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING"
I don't think I'll ever be as proud of my own butt cheeks as I was that morning.
I had been at the pub knocking back a few and had failed to put in my dinner order before the kitchen closed. On the ride home I stopped at a pizza/brew pub for a slice and a pint. There was only one place to sit, at a picnic table next to a chunky hippy chic. As I was eating I couldn't help but over hear her conversation about how her boob fell out at work. She continues to ramble on about mount mammary and her coworkers. I was sitting on her right side while trying to enjoy my pizza. At this point she leans over to the left and farts on me. This is no ordinary fart either, it's some serious Appalachian Butt Thunder. I was so shocked that this total stranger had just raised her massive stanky hippy ass and let one go, that I couldn't think of anything smart-assed to say. She turns to me and says, " I know you're eating and all...but it's all natural " in that hippy speak that sounds like every statement is question.
i believe this would be the proper moment to administer a tallahasee dump truck as retaliation.I had been at the pub knocking back a few and had failed to put in my dinner order before the kitchen closed. On the ride home I stopped at a pizza/brew pub for a slice and a pint. There was only one place to sit, at a picnic table next to a chunky hippy chic. As I was eating I couldn't help but over hear her conversation about how her boob fell out at work. She continues to ramble on about mount mammary and her coworkers. I was sitting on her right side while trying to enjoy my pizza. At this point she leans over to the left and farts on me. This is no ordinary fart either, it's some serious Appalachian Butt Thunder. I was so shocked that this total stranger had just raised her massive stanky hippy ass and let one go, that I couldn't think of anything smart-assed to say. She turns to me and says, " I know you're eating and all...but it's all natural " in that hippy speak that sounds like every statement is question.
Fart in your hand and throw it onto someone's face.
We used to call that one "cup of queef". lol
hhaahhah +rep
During "quality time" my wife farted on my boys. I shudder at the thought of the warm gasses caressing my junk.