lol..ok you keep dodging those pathogens....D
Crapping at the office.
- Thread starter Red Rabbit
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after working in apple orchards growing up, I quickly came to love the toilet bowl gods. Nothing like going home at the end of the day sans one sock or the sleeves on your ****... We eventually wised up and carried tp with us in case of emergencies.
That's a given, you must always use splash guards.
I usually mitigate against splashback with some tp in the bowl first, though.
Go back one page to my post yesterday...
Picky pooper.At least I am not the only picky pooper.
Just got back and realized hopw much I like the handicapped poopers, what with the elevated seating and that handrail makes a neat place to hang the newspaper. We don't have any handicapped people here at work ( at least not physically) so it's open stall. Like George Constanza said, I love it because I feel like a gargoyle perched up there.
Well, I hope you never have a run-in a la Larry David..."You wait!"
I hate the handicapped poopers. Not clausterphobic enough, and they bring me unacceptably close to a foot dangle. I'm too old for that.
Would you fake a stutter?
If I am in the sh!ter and hear someone on the phone, I will go out of my way to flush as my times as I can.
You should act out the scene from Austin Powers
"WHO.....DOES.....NUMBER 2.....WORK.....FOR??????"
"WHO.....DOES.....NUMBER 2.....WORK.....FOR??????"
Goddanm it. It had to be this thread that gained me a custom title.
Ouch. Better than some though. Well maybe not.
Ouch. Better than some though. Well maybe not.
Better than poop picker.
True...
OK - I'll brave the waters. How many times did you sh*t on your sleeve and wipe your ass with your sock before you EVENTUALLY wised up and carried tp???
The "sleeves on your ****" makes me think he wrapped his poo with his sleeve then wiped with a sockOK - I'll brave the waters. How many times did you sh*t on your sleeve and wipe your ass with your sock before you EVENTUALLY wised up and carried tp???
Good times, As I went to take a crap today, the cleaning lady came out of the bathroom, everything was squeaky clean.
I still used two ass gaskets.
I tried not too, but the fear came over me like a biblical plague of locusts.
I still used two ass gaskets.
I tried not too, but the fear came over me like a biblical plague of locusts.
Since I get into the office before most everybody, the seat is often still clean from the crew the previous night.
Who knows what that brush touched before it wiped down my seat.
Are there any germs, virus, or pathogens than can withstand bleach?
Are there any germs, virus, or pathogens than can withstand bleach?
Oh noes,
My sandwich artist was on the $hitter.
So, I walk into Subway today for lunch, go into the bathroom to piss,
the door lock was broken, and I see my sandwhich artist in mid grunt
rocking out his Subway visor and all. I exit shamefully, wait until he leaves, take a leak, and then head to the front, and there he is taking my order.
I'll take lettuce, cucumbers, hold the turd!
My sandwich artist was on the $hitter.
So, I walk into Subway today for lunch, go into the bathroom to piss,
the door lock was broken, and I see my sandwhich artist in mid grunt
rocking out his Subway visor and all. I exit shamefully, wait until he leaves, take a leak, and then head to the front, and there he is taking my order.
I'll take lettuce, cucumbers, hold the turd!
Of course, that is why they use chlorine in drinking water and pools, to not kill pathogens.
I still disapprove of any guy being such a panty waist.
It took me a while to remember that Subway had "Sandwich Artists".Oh noes,
My sandwich artist was on the $hitter.
I was totally overthinking that for a second there...
hmmmm... still feel weird about bareassing it.
Yes, I am super rich fat man, and I hire great artists to create me detailed paintings of sandwiches in anticipation of lunch.
look man, I Will do a lot of crazy things, but I really have geramphobia about bathrooms.I still disapprove of any guy being such a panty waist.
fixed
WTF?5
Pvssy.
Wow, never knew there were so many toilet seat wussies out there.
I throw down anywhere. Really I don't have a choice. it's either that or I crap my pants. Some of us aren't regular like the rest of you picky poopers.
The mens stahls are full, i'm headed to the ladies room.
Riding at snowshoe on the pro course and an urgent stomach gurgle hits and I'm trackside with the Dianese suit around my ankles. As an aside - when sh!tting in the woods it helps to find a fallen tree that is a few feet off the ground to hook the back of your knees into. Acts as a nice toilet seat and takes the burn out of your thighs especially when you are riding.
Even at my old job with the single toilet (some of you think this is good...but) right in front (both within audio range and sense of smell) or our administrative assistants desk. Not only would she know how long you were in there she could also here you when jailbreak erupted.
Just this weekend I had a new one which was on an airplane, which I always had hoped to avoid.
I had a crazy friend who used to take cantelope, apples, etc... and go in the bathroom at work when it was empty. The company was pretty big and soon as someone came in he would start grunting, stomping his feet, pounding the stahl and toss a canteloupe in the bowl. Water splashed everywhere and he'd give a big sigh of relief. People ran like track stars out of there.
I throw down anywhere. Really I don't have a choice. it's either that or I crap my pants. Some of us aren't regular like the rest of you picky poopers.
The mens stahls are full, i'm headed to the ladies room.
Riding at snowshoe on the pro course and an urgent stomach gurgle hits and I'm trackside with the Dianese suit around my ankles. As an aside - when sh!tting in the woods it helps to find a fallen tree that is a few feet off the ground to hook the back of your knees into. Acts as a nice toilet seat and takes the burn out of your thighs especially when you are riding.
Even at my old job with the single toilet (some of you think this is good...but) right in front (both within audio range and sense of smell) or our administrative assistants desk. Not only would she know how long you were in there she could also here you when jailbreak erupted.
Just this weekend I had a new one which was on an airplane, which I always had hoped to avoid.
I had a crazy friend who used to take cantelope, apples, etc... and go in the bathroom at work when it was empty. The company was pretty big and soon as someone came in he would start grunting, stomping his feet, pounding the stahl and toss a canteloupe in the bowl. Water splashed everywhere and he'd give a big sigh of relief. People ran like track stars out of there.
Best of ridemonkey?
I envy you.
Maybe some of the picky poopers need one of these at work...
So that's what that was. I thought I was smelling a dead animal by the trail.
Ask Broken Spoke for the technical term.
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