[laura]

I landed an interview with a research firm in town. They are impressed by my SPSS experience. I haven't touched the software in 2 years, and really didn't do much with it when I learned to use it. I am re-reading my book right now to even refresh my memory on what statistics I am familiar with. Anybody in marketing research? Anybody want to help me work on my BSing for this interview?

 

[SkaredShtles]

Maybe go in without any pants?

 

[narlus]

maybe serial midget can help.

 

[laura]

opossum shi.t bull shi.t its all the same I guess.

 

[Da Peach]

Talk a lot about synergy.

And do loops.

 

[X3pilot]

I got a job doing something I have no clue about. I talked alot about Six Sigma in the interview and didn't scratch myself once, so it all worked out.

 

[laura]

I have no clue what six sigma or synergy is. I think I'll have to go with the "wear no pants option" for sure.

 

[Westy]

Read up on your books to become familiar with it, but a good interviewer can see the bull****.

 

[Westy]

Six sigma is just a stupid corporate lingo for a quality system that uses statistics and other tools that you probably know.

 

[LordOpie]

six sigma is the distance from the center of the bell curve. I think three sigma is where errors/variations start to become insignificant.

Six sigma is where errors are so low that you can stop worrying... like ATM transactions.

Just tell the interviewer that it's been a while, but that this software is just another tool for accomplishing a task. That you use other tools that are similar and are sure that the skills will translate seemlessly.


Good luck!


All else fails, show 'em your tits. (I'd give you the position... and the job)

 

[Da Peach]

Focus groups. It's all about the focus groups.

 

[Konabumm]

Maybe go in without any panties ?

Fixed

 

[Nobody]

use the word 'metrics' in at least two sentences...

 

[brungeman]

my brother in law once lied about experience operating a crane. He got a job with the railroad... forgot their signals for "THE TRAIN IS NOW GOING TO MOVE" and had the boom of the crane out when the train started to move... he took out 5 telephone poles before figuring out how to get the boom out of the way!

unfortunately your job will not offer such follies... I think you will do fine... once you have learned programs it won't take long to pick them back up... it will just take a bit of playing around.

 

[Greyhound]

I don't see what the problem is.....I've been doing a job I don't know how to do for the last 8 years. They're still paying me, so I win.

 

[laura]

Just tell the interviewer that it's been a while, but that this software is just another tool for accomplishing a task. That you use other tools that are similar and are sure that the skills will translate seemlessly.


Good luck!


All else fails, show 'em your tits. (I'd give you the position... and the job)

Thanks, thats about what I wanted to hear, and that's the route I was going to take anyway. My technical aptitude is super high. And I could go into this job having never touched SPSS and end up doing it better than everyone else there in 3 months, I just need to figure out a way to say that without sounding cocky.

 

[LordOpie]

Thanks, thats about what I wanted to hear, and that's the route I was going to take anyway. My technical aptitude is super high. And I could go into this job having never touched SPSS and end up doing it better than everyone else there in 3 months, I just need to figure out a way to say that without sounding cocky.

Awesome, but don't say "3 months". I'm sure you weren't, but that might scare them.

 

[fluff]

I don't see what the problem is.....I've been doing a job I don't know how to do for the last 8 years. They're still paying me, so I win.

Hey - are you the guy responsible for my DNS updates?

 

[loco-gringo]

Six sigma is just a stupid corporate lingo for a quality system that uses statistics and other tools that you probably know.

It's more of a continuous improvement/Kaizen deal isn't it???

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Six_Sigma

 

[laura]

Awesome, but don't say "3 months". I'm sure you weren't, but that might scare them.

Fear not. I was going to tell them that I am better than everybody right now.

 

[OrthoPT]

Thanks, thats about what I wanted to hear, and that's the route I was going to take anyway.

You were going to show 'em your tits?!?

:biggrin:

 

[LordOpie]

Fear not. I was going to tell them that I am better than everybody right now.

and that is why RM and the world loves Laura.

(Oh, Fred too)

 

[fluff]

You were going to show 'em your tits?!?

:biggrin:

On that note perhaps I should mention that I'm excellent at giving practice interviews...

 

[LordOpie]

You were going to show 'em your tits?!?

:biggrin:

Look at Dan having fun!

Welcome to the party, pal.

 

[laura]

You were going to show 'em your tits?!?

:biggrin:

You have a job to offer me, I have a whole folder of pics that could make your toes curl.

 

[LordOpie]

You have a job to offer me, I have a whole folder of pics that could make your toes curl.

Someone needs to give her rep as I've done it too recently.

PS: Dayum!

 

[OrthoPT]

You have a job to offer me, I have a whole folder of pics that could make your toes curl.

Can you hold on for a little bit? I'm on my way to the bank to ask for a loan so I can have a salary to offer you.

And again,

 

[SkaredShtles]

Why the f**k aren't you working in a brewery??

 

[Jeremy R]

Why the f**k aren't you working in a brewery??

Because that is like letting a child molester drive the school bus.

 

[laura]

Why the f**k aren't you working in a brewery??

Sadly(?) enough I check brewery openings daily.

 

[johnbryanpeters]

I have no clue what six sigma or synergy is. I think I'll have to go with the "wear no pants option" for sure.

Six sigma was a clueless statistical quality control program in the eighties - it was popular when American manufacturing, suffering from penis envy with respect to Japan, was getting "lean and mean" while self-destructing.

 

[Da Peach]

Kaizen!

 

[SkaredShtles]

Kaizen!

The instituted that $hit here over a year ago. I suggested that middle management might want to consider seppuku.

They sent me to HR.

 

[BurlyShirley]

...and people wonder why there's a disparity in pay between the sexes.

 

[Trond]

tell them to "hire for people and train for skills". If you are the right person for them, then the actual software is the easiest task to remedy.

 

[gonefirefightin]

just mention you are a pregnant handicapped minority with veterens preference. they will have to hire you in fear of discrimintation lawsuits

 

[Westy]

just mention you are a pregnant handicapped minority with veterens preference. they will have to hire you in fear of discrimintation lawsuits

We aren't allowed to ask any personal questions or questions that can lead to personal answers like the above during job interviews. Someone could walk into an interview with a chest full of medals, give birth in the lobby and have no legs and the only questions we can ask are about previous work experiences.

 

[DRB]

Sadly(?) enough I check brewery openings daily.

Sadly my ass.

Schlemiel! Schlemazl! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!

 

[laura]

...and people wonder why there's a disparity in pay between the sexes.

Nope, nobody wonders.

 

[SkaredShtles]

<snip>
Schlemiel! Schlemazl! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!

NTTAWWT.