[amydalayna]

Question for you ladies...

So, I got married a year and a half ago. Didn't change my name. I like my name.... it has character. But my husband REALLY REALLY wants me to take his last name. His last name is boring.
Did any of you married ladies keep your original last name? Did it cause any strife?

 

[H8R]

Question for you ladies...

So, I got married a year and a half ago. Didn't change my name. I like my name.... it has character. But my husband REALLY REALLY wants me to take his last name. His last name is boring.
Did any of you married ladies keep your original last name? Did it cause any strife?

Tell him to get over it. If your last name rocks, keep it. This is America dammit.

 

[amydalayna]

Tell him to get over it. If your last name rocks, keep it. This is America dammit.

I don't have a killer last name, just one with character. But it seems to mean a real lot to him.
He says, 'we're a team. our name should say we're a team'

 

[H8R]

I don't have a killer last name, just one with character. But it seems to mean a real lot to him.
He says, 'we're a team. our name should say we're a team'

Everyone on a team needs to have the same last name?


My wife and I have different names. No biggie at all. We are still a strong team. The strongest in fact. I mean, we're league champions. Other marriages go home crying.

 

[MudGrrl]

Tell him to change his name.

 

[H8R]

Tell him to change his name.

DING!

 

[Echo]

DING!

I think she asked this question in the Mud Hunnies forum because she wanted answers from females.

That's probably why her post started "Question for you ladies".

 

[Westy]

I think she asked this question in the Mud Hunnies forum because she wanted answers from females.

That's probably why her post started "Question for you ladies".

I don't see what the problem is.

 

[Echo]

I don't see what the problem is.

Could be I'm just being a jerk.

 

[altagirl]

I kept my last name, but my husband supported me doing it. At first, it was because I was getting out of the military and didn't want to have to change all my records - I figured I'd do it in a couple months once I got out. But my mom freaked about it. Apparently God wants me to change my name. And it's what I'm supposed to do as a woman. Or some crazy nonsense.

Well that pissed me off - my husband too. So after the big speech from my mom, we both decided I shouldn't ever change it on principle.

Honestly, I don't know how I'd feel about it if he pushed me to change it. If it was - you know I'd love it if you were Mrs. ****, but if you want to keep your name, that's cool... I'd probably have done it. But being pushy about it doesn't seem fair. Why is it so important to him?

 

[Westy]

Could be I'm just being a jerk.

Nah, I'm just busting on H8R.

My unwanted $.02 on the topic. If you want to keep your name you should keep it.

 

[amydalayna]

he's not pushy about it... he just thinks it makes us more unified. like if we had kids.

i would hyphenate it if it wouldn't make it the most ridiculous name ever, but it does.

so, i'm torn. i don't feel like changing it just because i'm so used to the name and his last name is very common. It's not Jones of Smith, but it's pretty common. And Amy Jones or Amy Smith or Amy whatever just seems pretty boring.

I'll probably change it because I think that him wanting me to change it means more to him than me not wanting to change it. Bummer. It's funny how attached to your name you get.

 

[geargrrl]

I took his name. For me, it's part of committing to be a unit of one that is made of two. Also, once you have kids the whole hypenated thing is a pain in the butt. The hypenated thing is a pain in the butt anyway.

gg

 

[LordOpie]

My fiancee is going to change her name. If she really didn't want to, I'd change mine to hers.

Some issues to consider:

1. Having kids?
We'll likely have kids. I feel it's important for everyone in the family to have the same last name.

2. Family history?
If one of you has a deep family history that's important to you, then it's a good idea to keep the name, well, if you're going to have kids.

3. Legalities?
I suspect it's easier to get important stuff done with the same name. Like if one of you ends up in the hospital, they might give you a hard time with different last names? I'm just guessing here.


Do you feel like you'd be losing your identity if you changed your name? That goes for women and men.

What about both of you changing names to something that you both like?

 

[LordOpie]

And Amy Jones or Amy Smith or Amy whatever just seems pretty boring.

Ah, I see.

You should change your first name then.

 

[sanjuro]

I think you should go with Herring...

 

[altagirl]

I've been married almost 6 years now and haven't ever run into a difficulty because our last names are different. And I'm in Utah, where it's not particularly common to keep your name.

Changing your first name is a pretty funny idea...

 

[amydalayna]

Ah, I see.

You should change your first name then.

that is a really good thought.
Middle name is Dalayna

Dalayna xxxx would be better.

 

[amydalayna]

I think you should go with Herring...

True story.

My husband's last name is Fish. His mom's maiden name is Herring.

I will be Amy Swordfish

 

[LordOpie]

I will be Amy Swordfish

liar!

I say that cuz Swordfish is an awesome last name.

Maybe it's cuz I'm a guy?


Or wait, are you saying his last name is Swordfish or is that a joke and his name is really "Fish"?

Change your name to Katherine and then people can call you Kat Fish


Don't change your name to Tuna tho.


EDIT: Dalayna is an wicked cool name.

 

[VT Mtbkr]

My plans for my very nice last name is to plan on naming a one of my kids my last name as a first name. (of course this wouldn't work for all names) Of course I have a feeling my sister is going to beat me to this idea.

 

[McGRP01]

My wife changed her last name to mine 2 years ago after 7 years of marriage. She was ready, and wanted to. If you're still questioning the idea then wait.

 

[sanjuro]

I think Mr. Amydalayna has a certain ring...

 

[H8R]

I think she asked this question in the Mud Hunnies forum because she wanted answers from females.

That's probably why her post started "Question for you ladies".

Well, I'm married, so that makes me an expert. Also, everyone loves my advise, so I am generous with it, because I'm cool like that.

You should listen to me, maybe people will like you better.



You're welcome.

 

[H8R]

BTW Amy -

Your kids should be named:

One
Two
Red
Blue

 

[Velocity Girl]

In my first marriage I didn't change my last name. My ex "said" he supported it, but it was with a bit of bitterness I believe. For me I was still too close to my past that was associated with that name and wasn't ready to give it up. Part of the reason also is that I grew up in a household with mutliple last names (parents divorced, mom remarried) so I never bought into the whole...it'll be easier when you have kids (even though I don't). Or it makes us more of a "family". I never felt like less of a family with my step-dad and brothers or had issues with them having different last names...you just get used to it. So I saw no good reason for changing it. And when I asked my ex if he would change his name he said "no" and couldn't give me a good enough reason then why I should then be the one who has to do it if he woulnd't do the same.

Now I'm married again and changed my name willingly. Probably in part because Freak truly was supportive of whatever decision I made. He said it would be nice if I did, but he understood if I wanted to keep my last name...no biggie. And actually...as for things being easier with the same last name you can argue that either way because sometimes it's a pain that some of my old documents have a different last name and that I have to show proof of who I am.

I say do whatever feels right to you. Or you both compromise and pick a totally new last name together!

 

[amydalayna]

i'm seriously thinking of

Dalayna Fish

not so bad.

My husband says I should go by A. Dalayna Fish. I would sound famous.

Dalayna Swordfish would be super rad. I should have super powers with a name like that.

 

[Westy]

Maxine Power.

 

[H8R]

i'm seriously thinking of

Dalayna Fish

not so bad.

My husband says I should go by A. Dalayna Fish. I would sound famous.

Dalayna Swordfish would be super rad. I should have super powers with a name like that.

How about Falaya?

 

[Snacks]

I was totally against changing mine, I too have Amy as my first name. My last name is okay, but it so frikin' long. If or when I change it will be kinda boring, but way shorter and I'll stop having to spell it instead of saying it.

 

[TreeSaw]

I changed my name willingly...didn't really even think about it at the time. I guess I viewed it in the same way as geargrl. I do like the A. Dalayna Fish...definitely sounds famous to me

 

[luvz2ridez]

I couldn't wait to get rid of my last name...

 

[LordOpie]

For some people, changing their name is way too inconvenient.

My ex changed her name so often, they gave a her VIP lane pass at the DMV.

 

[amydalayna]

i'm confused at changing my name too. the dmv site says i need documentation, such as a marraige license, in order to change my name.

does that mean i can only change my last name when I go? I'm confused.

 

[Shyrmp]

i'm confused at changing my name too. the dmv site says i need documentation, such as a marraige license, in order to change my name.

does that mean i can only change my last name when I go? I'm confused.

Amy, in California you need to change it with the social security department first because the DMV require that SSN records match the name you want to change to. For both DMV and SSN you will need a copy of your marriage license.

 

[Shyrmp]

I changed my name willingly...didn't really even think about it at the time. I guess I viewed it in the same way as geargrl. I do like the A. Dalayna Fish...definitely sounds famous to me

(as in I'm with her now that they have taken my smiley away )

 

[Dirtdog]

I say change it.
I got married a year and a half ago too. I changed my name without any thought about keeping my maiden name. For me it was because I wanted to be identified with him. It was one of the small ways I could show how I feel about him and that I was proud to be teaming up with him.

 

[mohshee]

At first I had really wanted to keep my name. I thought it kind of defined me as the person I was. My hubby would have been supportive if I kept it, but I do think he secretly really wanted me to take his name. After some soulsearching, it almost felt like turning over a new leaf. A new chapter in my life. And I would want my kids to have the same last name too. I didn't have a really good reason to keep the old one.

Growing up, my mother remarried many times, and she changed her name many times, except in certain instances, in which she insisted to go by her maiden name and then her first husband's name (my father). It was a little confusing.

I do like my new name, although I have received grief for it. Particularly in my field. I am in science, closing in on the "glorious" PhD, but I hadn't really published anything I deemed significant enough to keep my maiden name for (in order to ease confusion). So it seemed like an opportune time to change it if I wanted to. Once I had, younger women in my field (a lot seem to be over-the-top feminists) were kind of appalled, as though I was giving up some sort of independence. My mother even seemed upset.

Ultimately, you have to decide what is good for you. I am glad I changed it. I like my new last name, and in a sense, it does identify me as part of a clan (which from a small family, I didn't have the opportunity).

 

[LordOpie]

Once I had, younger women in my field (a lot seem to be over-the-top feminists) were kind of appalled, as though I was giving up some sort of independence.

that's just silly. They must not be secure in who they really are to have such anxiety over it.


PS: I'm not suggesting that women give up their name, just saying that fear of losing one's identity means they don't have a strong enough identity to begin with.

You can call me Westy for all I care. Just don't call me N8.

 

[I Are Baboon]

MtnBikerChk changed her last name, but I left the decision entirely up to her. If she wanted to keep her old name, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. Her old name was nice and simple, now she's got my name to deal with the rest of her life. She now enjoys a life of having to spell her last name for everyone! I mean, so many people spell it with too many B's. It's B-A-B-O-O-N.