[eaterofdog]

User: This won't work right! What is wrong?
Me: The problem is between the keyboard and the chair.
User: Oh thank God! I thought it was something I was doing!

 

[I Are Baboon]

Pretty sure I am the dumbest person in the office.

 

[Da Peach]

Our secretary is pretty dumb. She regularly sends stuff via courier to our Edmonton office instead of to ours. She works in ours.

She also sends important original documents to the wrong Owners of different projects.

It's a treat to deal with.

 

[5150dhbiker]

Me: "Dude, don't be drinking a soda in a customers car."
Chris: "I'm not dumb, ok...I'm just thirsty."

5min. later...

Chris: "s**t f**k"
Me: "What he hell did you do?"
Chris: "I spilled a drink on his seat."

Ya...that one got him sent packing pretty much!

There's also this guy that works security there that comes into work either drunk or stupidly high...I LOVE messing with him when he's like that. He's also the one that drives like a complete idiot in the parking lot. You DON'T go 35 in a parking lot. I don't care if you're driving a STOCK camaro with an exhaust, you drive responsibly...especially if you're high like he always is

 

[KavuRider]

When you use keyboard commands (copy, paste) and they act like you are using voodoo magic, it doesn't inspire confidence...especially when they have been with the company for 7+ years.

 

[eaterofdog]

There's also this guy that works security there that comes into work either drunk or stupidly high...I LOVE messing with him when he's like that.

Hehe we have one of those. I always say "Your eyes look funny, are you okay?" PARANOIA!

 

[binary visions]

I have a girl that sits near me that may be the stupidest human being I've ever met.

She sent this to a customer:

Also if you send a request is sent over the weekend, it will not receive an attention until Monday 7am. Other than the hours anytime there is an issue that needs immediate attention always call out 800#, which 1.800.xxx.xxxx

(phone number redacted)

I wish that was an isolated incident, it's just one of many, many gems that have been sent to our customers over the years.

 

[jasride]

boss: hey guys, don't use the office bathrooms today use the shop bathroom. That's why there's yellow tape and a note across the door.

Phil: Just as the boss was saying this, Phil comes out of office bathroom with a half eaten sandwich and the paper.

true effin story...

 

[KavuRider]

I have a girl that sits near me that may be the stupidest human being I've ever met.

She sent this to a customer:



(phone number redacted)

I wish that was an isolated incident, it's just one of many, many gems that have been sent to our customers over the years.

It actually hurt to read that...

 

[binary visions]

It actually hurt to read that...

Trust me, not as much as it hurt to see it get sent to a customer that I had been working with for a couple weeks.

 

[MMike]

I have a girl that sits near me that may be the stupidest human being I've ever met.

She sent this to a customer:



(phone number redacted)

I wish that was an isolated incident, it's just one of many, many gems that have been sent to our customers over the years.

How long has she been in the country?

 

[eaterofdog]

Coworker: What's Google?
Me: Do you live in a cave?
Coworker: A cave?

 

[binary visions]

How long has she been in the country?

I'd say she's a native English speaker, but I don't think that qualifies.

 

[I Are Baboon]

boss: hey guys, don't use the office bathrooms today use the shop bathroom. That's why there's yellow tape and a note across the door.

Phil: Just as the boss was saying this, Phil comes out of office bathroom with a half eaten sandwich and the paper.

true effin story...

It's been my experience that guys named Phil are the dumbest ****s on the planet.

 

[TN]

Me: are we not men?
Me: we're pinheads now
Me: we are not whole
Me: monkey men in business suits
Me: are we not men?
worker: we are devo

 

[norbar]

I once got an English-Polish translation to do from a friendly company and only when I got it I noticed it wasnt really English but French. (not that French English would be more understandable )

 

[bean]

Do vendors count? A company that we hired to do some updates to our software lost the source code for two of our programs after spending six months working on it. Then accused us of deleting it.

 

[Pesqueeb]

+

=

Amazingly this particular person was allowed to endanger the safety of the flying public for several more years, including being responsible for an inflight fire.

 

[I Are Baboon]

^ LOL what a dumbass.

 

[Westy]

+

=

Amazingly this particular person was allowed to endanger the safety of the flying public for several more years, including being responsible for an inflight fire.

Landing gear retracted while on the ground?

 

[Westy]

I worked with this shaved ape named Larry. We had just built an entire manufacturing cell in our plant and had to tear it down to ship to the customer. I told Larry to shut off power and disconnect all the external cables entering the the cell control cabinet for shipping. I heard a loud bang, It was Larry's elbow slamming into the door. Bam, heard it again. I walked over to see what the hell he was doing. He had shut off the power switch on the cabinet but the main power line was still on. He was trying to disconnect the 480V cable while it was live. Every-time he touched the screws on the breaker he got shocked. He did this three times in a row before I told him to stop. Dumb bastard would be dead if any part of his body brushed up against something grounded. He had just retired from the Army where he spent 20 years as an electrician.

 

[TN]

Landing gear retracted while on the ground?

I am guessing the tray table was not put up for landing/takeoff.

 

[I Are Baboon]

I am guessing the tray table was not put up for landing/takeoff.

Wrong. That one knob is pulled out when it should be pushed in. Pay attention ffs.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

Our worst problem is the old delivery guy who fails miserably with each attempt at using the toilet. Piss all over the floor, walls, seat and not just a few dribbles, but full on puddles. He never cleans up after himself either. I often wonder why people like that even bother with fancy indoor plumbing, just go in the street.

 

[KavuRider]

Our mail is constantly delivered to the wrong office.

Our office supply shipment was also delivered to the office suite across the complex.

 

[Pesqueeb]

Landing gear retracted while on the ground?

Nope. No Hydraulics = no brakes and no steering. That plus starting the wrong engine first, drove the white one right up over the wing of the blue one.

 

[5150dhbiker]

Landing gear retracted while on the ground?

Could be worse.
Could have been a 727 and a captain that liked to deploy 5 degrees of flaps while in cruise to gain extra surface area on the wing. He did this by pulling the breaker for the slats. Well...the flight engineer never noticed him do it one day, walked back into the cockpit and noticed the breaker for the slats was out and he put it back in. Slats deployed and from what I recall the plane went into a pretty severe dive.

Needless to say the captain was fired for endangering everybody on board.

My dad was telling me today that back when he was a co-pilot on the 737-200 (really old days, haha) that his captain made a stupid decision on landing. They were landing on a rainy day at JFK, were too high, too fast and touched down too far down the runway. My dad told him they need to abort but he said the captain refused. He said they came so close to going off the end that he told ATC that "United 23 going off the runway." Luckily they stopped by the end but had to be actually pushed back to make the turn on to the taxiway. The Capetian got in big trouble and my dad nothing for telling him to abort the landing and go around.

 

[Total Heckler]

One of my coworkers says "You know what I am sayin?" anytime he sees anyone. He uses it as a hi.

No Jerry, I don't know what you are saying. You didn't say anything to me before saying "You know what I am sayin?".

 

[5150dhbiker]

One of my coworkers says "You know what I am sayin?" anytime he sees anyone. He uses it as a hi.

No Jerry, I don't know what you are saying. You didn't say anything to me before saying "You know what I am sayin?".

Is he usually high?
I can say some strange things if I am. Actually, I take that back...I don't approve of the use of drugs that grow....amazingly well in Santa Cruz.

 

[Total Heckler]

ha you would think so, but nope. Maybe being from Florida did it to him?

 

[sanjuro]

I worked with TheMooshoo.

 

[MMike]

Nope. No Hydraulics = no brakes and no steering. That plus starting the wrong engine first, drove the white one right up over the wing of the blue one.

[]

What is the white one? radome looks weird.... And the CB's were below in the EE bay or flight deck?

 

[Pesqueeb]

What is the white one? radome looks weird.... And the CB's were below in the EE bay or flight deck?

CRJ 200. It looks funny because it was crushed. It actually did a remarkable job of almost returning to its normal shape, but it was absolutely crushed. CB's are behind the pilot and FO respectively.

I worked with TheMooshoo.

/thread.

 

[MMike]

CRJ 200. It looks funny because it was crushed. It actually did a remarkable job of almost returning to its normal shape, but it was absolutely crushed. CB's are behind the pilot and FO respectively.


/thread.

Ah....yes....that's an expensive mistake.

 

[Pesqueeb]

Ah....yes....that's an expensive mistake.

To the tune of about 15 million between the two is what I heard.

 

[insanitylevel9]

Pretty sure I am the dumbest person in the office.

 

[insanitylevel9]

I have a girl that sits near me that may be the stupidest human being I've ever met.

She sent this to a customer:



(phone number redacted)

I wish that was an isolated incident, it's just one of many, many gems that have been sent to our customers over the years.

even i can put a sentence together better then that

 

[boostindoubles]

we wear id badges at work and have strict drug policies. This morning a co-worker called in sick and later sent a pic text to another co-worker of his id badge, identifying his picture, name, and work place, sitting under a bag of blow. Lets see how long this lasts

 

[lockstock]

I work in construction and a lot of the guys get vehicles to get around site. Anyway one of the supervisors takes his car to the car wash, forgets to remove the flashing light (stuck on the roof by a magnet, cable leading into the cab) car wash rips the light off the roof and starts basically smashing it into pretty much every panel on the vehicle. Light hanging off the cable like a damn tether ball. lol

 

[ridiculous]

During yesterday's telecon.

Me: Can you see my desktop?

Them: No, all I see is a screen that says "Click to join meeting".

Face palm