Sorry to butt in! I am married-have been for over a year now! I was sooooo happy to take his last name because I can't stand my old last name...lets just say I got teased alot from the movie Space Balls (Swartz)! Thanks for marrying me Ethan! :love: Back on subject...unless the last name was completly terrible I feel that taking the husband last name is good. However, I think that the women should choose...after all..it's there name!!!
To take his name or not?
- Thread starter Snacks
- Start date
I got married this past July. I was planning on using my husband's name socially and keeping my name professionally. Well, that has turned into a nightmare! I forget what name I've used for what, and I have to carry my marriage certificate around for ID. I'm really not a fan of my maiden name anyway, so I'll be changing my name to his in the new year. It will be so much easier, and frankly I like the idea of being a family with one surname. I struggled with the decision though, because most women I know in their 30's would never even think of changing their name. I almost felt like there was something wrong with me for wanting to take my husband's name.
Id be LEARY of using his name too...hehehehMocha said:
personally, I would have a serious problem if the person that I wanted to marry was planning on keeping her maiden name.
His two rings isn't so strange....Velocity Girl said:
It was the fact that Freak wore a white wedding dress at the wedding....
neaky:.....not that there is anything wrong with that.
I personally don't see changing the last name as a "equal" sacrifice to Staying home and rasing the kids....that Megan B eluded to.
I am probably going to catch flack for that.
Also I associate the refusing to take your husbands families last name with some friends of my family. She took his name and then changed it back and is angry if you call her by her "married name" It seems like she did it in a cold and hurtfull manner. but that is just my experience with it. She seems a hartless cold bitch.....and did it becuase of her less than loving feelings.
To those "professionals" out there who fear people won't associate with you after you take a new name....is kind of strange. Since that was once the norm....it would seem that people would be confused at not taking their husbands last name. They are not going to leave you if you change your last name, that is rediculous. You got married, people understand that and takes much less time to explain than not taking it.
If you are a movie star sure keep the old name, unless it helps your career. But most movie star marriages don't last anyway....so just keep the original I guess.
I say change your name to take your husbands to even if symbolically show the union into his family......I am lucky as I have tradition on my side.
I am probably going to catch flack for that.
Also I associate the refusing to take your husbands families last name with some friends of my family. She took his name and then changed it back and is angry if you call her by her "married name" It seems like she did it in a cold and hurtfull manner. but that is just my experience with it. She seems a hartless cold bitch.....and did it becuase of her less than loving feelings.
To those "professionals" out there who fear people won't associate with you after you take a new name....is kind of strange. Since that was once the norm....it would seem that people would be confused at not taking their husbands last name. They are not going to leave you if you change your last name, that is rediculous. You got married, people understand that and takes much less time to explain than not taking it.
If you are a movie star sure keep the old name, unless it helps your career. But most movie star marriages don't last anyway....so just keep the original I guess.
I say change your name to take your husbands to even if symbolically show the union into his family......I am lucky as I have tradition on my side.
bibs said:Id be LEARY of using his name too...heheheh
hahaha...that was good, Bibster!!
Mocha said:hahaha...that was good, Bibster!!
hehehe, tell him I said OINK!!
Im at work with no instant messanger....
oh you are SO in trouble for that little comment!!!
hahaha! juuuuuust kidding little rhino!
I'm curious to know where this tradition came from, anyone know? When it comes down to the meat-and-potatoes of it, I'm unsure as to why it's the husband's family that is acknowledged/accepted and not the wifes.
Anyone know?? History peeps, where are you!
hahaha! juuuuuust kidding little rhino!
I think everyone would agree that symbolically showing the union into a family is positive stuff but I think peeps are wondering maybe WHY giving up their own family name is considered tradition. And also, after she has shown her acknowledgement, how is the husband symbolically showing his union to his wife? Where's the exchange? And if it's something like, "well, he shows her by being a good husband" then why isn't being a good wife just as good of an acknowledgement?RhinofromWA said:I say change your name to take your husbands to even if symbolically show the union into his family......I am lucky as I have tradition on my side.
I'm curious to know where this tradition came from, anyone know? When it comes down to the meat-and-potatoes of it, I'm unsure as to why it's the husband's family that is acknowledged/accepted and not the wifes.
Anyone know?? History peeps, where are you!
I'll make a guess that it comes from the days of clans. If you become part of a clan you'd been know by the clan name...Megan Black said:
Question in general for the "not taking" women - so if you do not take his name, then which name do your children use?
SIMPLE!!! Just don't have any!! I'm not having children anyways, so whatever name I use really has no impact on anyone. Yes, I know I'm going to get the "you'll want kids some day" crap, but really if you knew me, you wouldn't even try that. I'm a no kids gal. Zero praternal instinct. Babies cry and I cringe. Dave's the same way though, so all's good.Slugman said:
DH Diva said:
So nice to hear I'm not the only one who was born without maternal instincts!! And the older I get, the more my feelings are confirmed that I indeed was not meant to be a mother (other than a puppy mom that is
)
true, I love kids and all...but its nice to be able to send them home after a few minutes
ME TOO! I like babies....they're cute and so soft, but the minute they cry I'm done. It's not just babies, toddlers drive me crazy. I have had to leave the store because I was going to commit a crime against parents before. I was waiting some motherly instinct to come along, but after 31 years, nothing. Heck, I forget to feed the cat have the time!!!DH Diva said:
I'm very content being a puppy mom! I don't think I told you a Freak yet, but I adopted Indy a friend!! His names Giovanni (Gio for short). We've had him about a month now. He's a red brindle (wide stripe brindle), 3 years old, and just the sweetest little thing. I'll send some pictures! Indy and him get along great too. I started fostering him after his previous owner abandoned him at the adoption kennel, and after two days we decided to keep him.Velocity Girl said:(other than a puppy mom that is
haha tradition....we (rainbow_smoke) and i just got married and our wedding was far from traditional (www.spackman.ws), we had no true attendents and it was just us and the pastor...(and my sword) while i think most traditions are fated to fall the name change is really something the couple should share as a way of showing their union and such ... now as to who's name to take that is soley up to the couple and i think as long as they both agree whole heartedly on the same thing then it fine, be it his, hers, gobblygoop... that being said i didn't really like my last name alot growing up but i have grown into it and was happy she wanted to take my name but then it wasn't a big change for her...(www.spackman.ws)
Altho im not a "lady", i wanted to share my opinion on this.
I dont believe in marriage at all, since to me its only about a piece of paper and making legal stuff easier IF the relationship doesnt last. But that stuff can be sorted with a little effort anyhow
But to those who do believe in marriage, i dont see why you people should have to follow a certain norm, such as taking names etc. It is up to the people getting married to decide this between them. I dont see why a woman should take the man's name, or vice versa for that matter. Also i dont see the woman as the "pants wearer" if she doesnt wanna take the man's name. It doesnt make the slightest difference to me.
So to you the threadstarter all i have to say is do what you feel most comfortable with and what you agree on with your boyfriend. That, and only that, is what its about in my opinion. Good luck!
I dont believe in marriage at all, since to me its only about a piece of paper and making legal stuff easier IF the relationship doesnt last. But that stuff can be sorted with a little effort anyhow
But to those who do believe in marriage, i dont see why you people should have to follow a certain norm, such as taking names etc. It is up to the people getting married to decide this between them. I dont see why a woman should take the man's name, or vice versa for that matter. Also i dont see the woman as the "pants wearer" if she doesnt wanna take the man's name. It doesnt make the slightest difference to me.
So to you the threadstarter all i have to say is do what you feel most comfortable with and what you agree on with your boyfriend. That, and only that, is what its about in my opinion. Good luck!
The first time I was engaged, he said that he was going to take my name.
He didn't.
We aren't together anymore.
I am now with someone who loves his family very much.
I will probably take his name......
but I want to figure out how my name will be represented...........I have a very Scottish last name, and am proud my ancestors. I am related to a Queen.
I may take his last name, but he's gonna wear my tartan/crest in the ceremony.
Fck the tux, wear the kilt.
And for the guys who would be really pissed if a chick doesn't take your name, I would venture a guess that you probably wouldn't pick up a gal who would think to do so.
He didn't.
We aren't together anymore.
I am now with someone who loves his family very much.
I will probably take his name......
but I want to figure out how my name will be represented...........I have a very Scottish last name, and am proud my ancestors. I am related to a Queen.
I may take his last name, but he's gonna wear my tartan/crest in the ceremony.
Fck the tux, wear the kilt.
And for the guys who would be really pissed if a chick doesn't take your name, I would venture a guess that you probably wouldn't pick up a gal who would think to do so.
couple of thoughts...
kids, if you are planning on having any - hypenated names are a little more of a pain to deal with than a single last name.
some traditions have the kids bearing the maiden name as a middle name, thinking of mudgrrls Scots heritage, that might be a good way to preserve it.
I took my hubbys name, just for simplicity sake.
geargrrl
kids, if you are planning on having any - hypenated names are a little more of a pain to deal with than a single last name.
some traditions have the kids bearing the maiden name as a middle name, thinking of mudgrrls Scots heritage, that might be a good way to preserve it.
I took my hubbys name, just for simplicity sake.
geargrrl
My great grandmother was an only child. Her last name was Stewart. She married my great grandfather, last name Barker. They had one child, my grandfather. My grandfather had 4 girls.geargrrl said:
My mother tried to keep the Stewart name in the family, so my brother is Nathan Stewart......
Yes, I like that idea.
HEY!!! That's MY last name! What's wrong with Assface?laura said:
Ahahaha you've let the cat outta the bag. :evil: :evil: :evil:MUTOLI said:
After reading this thread and thinking about this topic for a second i've come to the conclusion that when you get married both people are venturing forth in a new chapter in life of commitment and love. So then both should change their name to something new. Since i thought of this novel idea i propose everyone who marries change their last name to mine. Assface. And when you do i will only charge a nominal tribute fee of $5.
Case closed... next!
Case closed... next!