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Is Lance finally busted?

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jackalope

jackalope

Mental acuity - 1%
Jan 9, 2004
7,703
6,109
in a single wide, cooking meth...
Non-sequitur observation - with Lance coming clean and the recent discovery of 'roids in Tink-Tink's bedroom, I'm beginning to wonder if Nike sponsors any athletes that aren't on PEDs? Are there Nike sponsored bowlers?
 
jackalope

jackalope

Mental acuity - 1%
Jan 9, 2004
7,703
6,109
in a single wide, cooking meth...
Fair enough, and quite frankly, even using the words "Lance" and "clean" in the same sentence is difficult. But I guess my point is the perhaps Nike should just start encouraging PEDs use...I mean think of the possible marketing concepts:

- A bag of EPO slowly swinging from a coat hanger in a cheap, European hotel closet...Queue disembodied voice (I like the James Earl Jones personally) "Nike...Just do it"

- Have a montage of a football player grasping his knee and being carted off the field, surgery, ice packs, leg press, leg extensions, 'roid needles in the knee, HGH pills in the palm, then a glorious touchdown run with the message underneath - 3 months later...Nike: Performance Augmentation SystemS

- Have a pitcher blowing out 38 candles on his birthday cake, eating a piece of cake, and his agent calling him to tell him he just won the Cy Young award. He then turns to the camera and says "I couldn't done it without Nike HGH Pastries..."

- A scene of an old guy limping up some stairs with a cane - "Nike HGH Systems: Aging is for losers..."

I got hundreds of'em...
 
Wumpus

Wumpus

makes avatars better
Dec 25, 2003
8,161
153
Six Shooter Junction
Asked about the World Anti-Doping Agency’s description of disgraced Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong as benefiting from “the most effective doping program in history,” Vayer responded, “With his record average of 438 watts on the 2001 Tour, ‘The Boss’ only manages sixth place in our palmarès. He looks almost like a bit-part player next to ‘king’ Miguel Indurain, who has five Tours to his credit. The Spaniard seems unlikely to be dethroned thanks to his average of 455 watts in the 1995 edition… The fact that Armstrong’s reign began after the Festina affair in 1998 and the introduction of the EPO test forced him to pay more ‘attention’. He couldn’t take EPO in an unlimited way like his predecessors”.

Speaking to Le Monde two days before the publication of his new book, "La Preuve par 21", which investigates the power output of Tour de France winners since 1983, Vayer also put together a list of the Tour winners who had produced the greatest power output over the course of the last 30 years, ranking Indurain (1995 version) at the top with 455 watts, ahead of Bjarne Riis (449) and Marco Pantani (446).

According to Vayer’s rating scale, any figure over 450 falls into the “mutant” category, while those between 430 and 450 are described as “miraculous”. Three more Tour winners appear among the “miraculous” – Jan Ullrich (441), Alberto Contador in 2009 (439) and Lance Armstrong in 2001 (438).

Asked if any Tour winner since 1983 is beyond suspicion, Vayer said Greg LeMond “seems to have always produced ‘human’ performances”. He gave LeMond’s average power output during his three Tour-winning years as 381 watts in 1986, 408 in 1989, and 407 in 1990. He added that “following the arrival of EPO at the start of the 1990s, any rider who could produce 400 watts for 20 minutes could subsequently manage to put out 440 watts over 40 minutes! That was the case with the Dane Bjarne Riis… who, in 1993 was stuck at 399 watts, but progressed to 449 watts during his winning Tour in 1996 when he was 32. LeMond remained at 410 watts after 1990 and was dropped by older riders who had become thoroughbreds.

http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/vayer-casts-doubt-over-performances-of-indurain-and-jalabert
 
Jeremy R

Jeremy R

<b>x</b>
Nov 15, 2001
9,701
1,056
behind you with a snap pop
"I like a good beer buzz early in the morning
And Lance likes to peel the labels
From his bottles of EPO
He shreds them on the bar
Then he lights up every rider in an fully drugged pack
Letting each one burn down from his thick drugged legs
before blowing and cursing them all out
And he's watching the bottles of EPO as they spin on
the floor..."
 
Sandwich

Sandwich

Pig my fish!
Staff member
May 23, 2002
21,832
7,086
borcester rhymes
All I wanna do is testosterone
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is shoot cortisone
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is boost some juice
Until the plane touches down over
Porto-Vecchio / Bastia
 
weedkilla

weedkilla

Monkey
Jul 6, 2008
362
10
Wow!

The thought that he is still editing his thoughts as he is speaking in public is a bit scary.
 
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