My Ryder Eyewear saved my life, but they did not survive.
I ride my mountain bike early in the morning. A dangerous time on the slopes of Turkey mountain, as it is known across Oklahoma that if you go out on Turkey Mountain at night... You might not come back. But I have a crazy schedule, and I must ride early, so I take the risk.
This morning at 5:30AM I was out on my singlespeed peacefully riding along when, out of nowhere I was tackled to the ground. Lucky for me, my bike landed on top of me and the assailant was unable to get to me as I used the bike as a shield. Zombies man... Out of nowhere... I was able to shake the rotten bastard and mount my trusty steed... But alas, my gearing was too low and I couldnt stay ahead of them. If only I had mounted my 20t cog I would have had the speed to escape, damn 21t cog I thought, what a stupid choice... but I could spin no faster, and I had at least a dozen zombies on my tail, slowly gaining. I knew I would have to make a stand, so I took inventory... bike helmet, mini pump, Ryder Socket glasses. If only I had a shotgun, a chainsaw, or even a machete I might have a chance, I thought... but as I didnt, I was certain this would be the end... killed by zombies while wearing lycra... not the way I wanted to go out.
I held them off with my high cadence for as long as I could, but the time had come... I had to make my stand, but I wasnt going out without a fight. I jumped off my bike, helmet in one hand, mini pump in the other... Come on you undead bastards!!!!! Bring it!!!!, I went at them as hard as I could, swinging the helmet by its straps like some kind of medieval mace and the mini pump (fully extended of course) like excalibur... My heart rate monitor was beeping like crazy warning that my heart was pumping at dangerous levels... But I had to tune that out as zombie after zombie fell to the wrath of my bike helmet and mini pump tornado. Soon all that was left was me and the silence of the night. Somehow I had come out of this nightmare unscathed. It was a miracle. I had conquered countless undead with nothing more than a bike helmet and a mini pump. My heart rate monitor had stopped beeping as I sat and tried to calm myself. Maybe I can actually finish my ride I thought... So I picked up my bike and started to mount up... But loud fast footsteps in the dirt caught my attention... oh no!! I thought... I turned as fast as I could just as the most hideous thing I had ever seen was trying to sink its rotten teeth into my face... Its horrid, rancid breath nearly made me gag as it mumbled BRAAAAINS!!!... he bit down on the bridge of my nose. Of course, in all the chaos, my Ryder Socket glasses had been there, keeping the undead ooze out of my face... And now, this zombie bastard couldnt get his teeth through my face because of my Ryder Socket glasses. They snapped under the immense pressure of the zombies bite, but I was able to avoid any actual tooth to skin contact. After defeating the zombie with furious blows from my helmet I looked down and saw my glasses... There they sat in two sad little pieces. Somehow I felt as if I had lost my best friend. They had sacrificed themselves so I could finish my ride... Which I did, and I got a gnat stuck in my eye. No big deal, at least Im alive.
So I look to you, my friends at Ryder Eyewear... Please, can you replace my glasses? In all the turmoil I think the zombies ate my wallet so I cant afford another pair. If you're able to help I'll be eternally grateful. However, is there any way you can send a pair that wont snap across the bridge of the nose if a zombie attacks me? Still Id like them to be frameless, at least on the bottom so my view isnt obstructed, and clear so I can easily see zombies in the early morning moonlight.
Attached is a photo of the glasses, and the zombie warning sticker at the trailhead, just in case you think this is some sort of tall tale. If you do decide to help me out, please send the replacement glasses to the address at the bottom of the e-mail.
I ride my mountain bike early in the morning. A dangerous time on the slopes of Turkey mountain, as it is known across Oklahoma that if you go out on Turkey Mountain at night... You might not come back. But I have a crazy schedule, and I must ride early, so I take the risk.
This morning at 5:30AM I was out on my singlespeed peacefully riding along when, out of nowhere I was tackled to the ground. Lucky for me, my bike landed on top of me and the assailant was unable to get to me as I used the bike as a shield. Zombies man... Out of nowhere... I was able to shake the rotten bastard and mount my trusty steed... But alas, my gearing was too low and I couldnt stay ahead of them. If only I had mounted my 20t cog I would have had the speed to escape, damn 21t cog I thought, what a stupid choice... but I could spin no faster, and I had at least a dozen zombies on my tail, slowly gaining. I knew I would have to make a stand, so I took inventory... bike helmet, mini pump, Ryder Socket glasses. If only I had a shotgun, a chainsaw, or even a machete I might have a chance, I thought... but as I didnt, I was certain this would be the end... killed by zombies while wearing lycra... not the way I wanted to go out.
I held them off with my high cadence for as long as I could, but the time had come... I had to make my stand, but I wasnt going out without a fight. I jumped off my bike, helmet in one hand, mini pump in the other... Come on you undead bastards!!!!! Bring it!!!!, I went at them as hard as I could, swinging the helmet by its straps like some kind of medieval mace and the mini pump (fully extended of course) like excalibur... My heart rate monitor was beeping like crazy warning that my heart was pumping at dangerous levels... But I had to tune that out as zombie after zombie fell to the wrath of my bike helmet and mini pump tornado. Soon all that was left was me and the silence of the night. Somehow I had come out of this nightmare unscathed. It was a miracle. I had conquered countless undead with nothing more than a bike helmet and a mini pump. My heart rate monitor had stopped beeping as I sat and tried to calm myself. Maybe I can actually finish my ride I thought... So I picked up my bike and started to mount up... But loud fast footsteps in the dirt caught my attention... oh no!! I thought... I turned as fast as I could just as the most hideous thing I had ever seen was trying to sink its rotten teeth into my face... Its horrid, rancid breath nearly made me gag as it mumbled BRAAAAINS!!!... he bit down on the bridge of my nose. Of course, in all the chaos, my Ryder Socket glasses had been there, keeping the undead ooze out of my face... And now, this zombie bastard couldnt get his teeth through my face because of my Ryder Socket glasses. They snapped under the immense pressure of the zombies bite, but I was able to avoid any actual tooth to skin contact. After defeating the zombie with furious blows from my helmet I looked down and saw my glasses... There they sat in two sad little pieces. Somehow I felt as if I had lost my best friend. They had sacrificed themselves so I could finish my ride... Which I did, and I got a gnat stuck in my eye. No big deal, at least Im alive.
So I look to you, my friends at Ryder Eyewear... Please, can you replace my glasses? In all the turmoil I think the zombies ate my wallet so I cant afford another pair. If you're able to help I'll be eternally grateful. However, is there any way you can send a pair that wont snap across the bridge of the nose if a zombie attacks me? Still Id like them to be frameless, at least on the bottom so my view isnt obstructed, and clear so I can easily see zombies in the early morning moonlight.
Attached is a photo of the glasses, and the zombie warning sticker at the trailhead, just in case you think this is some sort of tall tale. If you do decide to help me out, please send the replacement glasses to the address at the bottom of the e-mail.