So, I'm not really sure what to do about this. Any ideas might be helpful.
Just to give some background, I am in graduate school studying Christian religion, as is my roommate (I moved in in August). He's German, pretty normal guy, very reserved, fairly religious.
In any case, I've been dating this girl for a while and she stayed at our place the other night. We got back from dinner around 10:30 on Saturday and my roommate was asleep (situation normal, as he goes to bed usually between 10-11 about every night of the week). We were pretty quiet the whole time and went to sleep fairly early. I was worried about waking him up when we were talking...but not that worried....I mean I don't feel bad if his 10:30 sleep gets interrupted on a Saturday night every once in a while.
Here was a conversation I had last night:
Roommate: How's it going?
James: Fine. Just deciding what to read next.
R: Hey, about Saturday, do you think you could not, ummm... I'm hoping that was just a one time thing.
J: Yeah, sorry about the noise. I mean, it wasn't that late, was it? I'll try to be a bit quieter. [I was apologetic here, but not too much because I didn't think it was unreasonable to come into one's house at 10:30 on a Saturday night and have a quiet conversation for a while.]
R: Yeah, I didn't mean that. I more meant the whole thing.
J: Excuse me?
R: I didn't really like the whole thing.
J: Well, to be honest, I am not really sure how that has anything to do with you.
R: It made me uncomfortable, another person here in the next room.
J: Yeah, again, I am not seeing how this affects you.
R: All I can say is that level...that...amount of intimacy nearby made me uncomfortable.
J: Okay. But I am still not understanding how what I do has any bearing on you.
Basically, he doesn't like me having a girl stay over here. The reasons are not entirely clear to me (this is not a practical issue, so to speak- the only way he knew she was here was us talking in the living room. He didn't see her at all that night or the next day). He told me it bothered him "that night and most of the next day." WTF?
Part of me wants to keep the peace, as things have been going well with him, and part of me wants me to tell him to f--- off and mind his own damn business. I mean, it seems rather odd to me that he appears to have the expectation that I would just say "Yeah, sure, no problem" about this...but that appears to be the case.
There may be a bit of superficial irony here in that my roommate is in an academic degree program (like me) and my girlfriend is on the ordination track in the ministry program.
I'm not really sure that there's much of a middle ground here. I pretty much told him that I hear him, but I will not do what he asks- that this is his problem, not mine. That as long as I'm not being absurdly loud (girl here or not), then he has little grounds for complaint about what I do.
Thoughts?
Just to give some background, I am in graduate school studying Christian religion, as is my roommate (I moved in in August). He's German, pretty normal guy, very reserved, fairly religious.
In any case, I've been dating this girl for a while and she stayed at our place the other night. We got back from dinner around 10:30 on Saturday and my roommate was asleep (situation normal, as he goes to bed usually between 10-11 about every night of the week). We were pretty quiet the whole time and went to sleep fairly early. I was worried about waking him up when we were talking...but not that worried....I mean I don't feel bad if his 10:30 sleep gets interrupted on a Saturday night every once in a while.
Here was a conversation I had last night:
Roommate: How's it going?
James: Fine. Just deciding what to read next.
R: Hey, about Saturday, do you think you could not, ummm... I'm hoping that was just a one time thing.
J: Yeah, sorry about the noise. I mean, it wasn't that late, was it? I'll try to be a bit quieter. [I was apologetic here, but not too much because I didn't think it was unreasonable to come into one's house at 10:30 on a Saturday night and have a quiet conversation for a while.]
R: Yeah, I didn't mean that. I more meant the whole thing.
J: Excuse me?
R: I didn't really like the whole thing.
J: Well, to be honest, I am not really sure how that has anything to do with you.
R: It made me uncomfortable, another person here in the next room.
J: Yeah, again, I am not seeing how this affects you.
R: All I can say is that level...that...amount of intimacy nearby made me uncomfortable.
J: Okay. But I am still not understanding how what I do has any bearing on you.
Basically, he doesn't like me having a girl stay over here. The reasons are not entirely clear to me (this is not a practical issue, so to speak- the only way he knew she was here was us talking in the living room. He didn't see her at all that night or the next day). He told me it bothered him "that night and most of the next day." WTF?
Part of me wants to keep the peace, as things have been going well with him, and part of me wants me to tell him to f--- off and mind his own damn business. I mean, it seems rather odd to me that he appears to have the expectation that I would just say "Yeah, sure, no problem" about this...but that appears to be the case.
There may be a bit of superficial irony here in that my roommate is in an academic degree program (like me) and my girlfriend is on the ordination track in the ministry program.
I'm not really sure that there's much of a middle ground here. I pretty much told him that I hear him, but I will not do what he asks- that this is his problem, not mine. That as long as I'm not being absurdly loud (girl here or not), then he has little grounds for complaint about what I do.
Thoughts?